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I've been at home literally eating and crying my life away.

"Get the fuck off the couch?" My friends Josh yelled at me.

"No." I said.

"Look you did this to your fucking self. You cheated on him and that's your fault." Josh yelled and I whined.

"You fucking stink." Josh yelled at me again.

Then I felt arms tugging me off the couch. "Stop." I said trying to get him to let go of me.

"No." He said dragging me into the bath room kicking me in the shower.

"You let your relationship go down the toilet and now you're acting like the hurt one." Josh said turning on the shower.

I was only in my boxers but I guess that was fine. He poured shampoo in my hair and start scrubbing it.

"It was a accident." I said and he gave me the 'stfu' look.

"They're not accidents if they have been repeated numerous amounts of time. You either learn from them or constantly make the the same one. But without you learning from one precautions are taken. This being Niall left you. Meaning your fault." Josh said rinsing out my hair and putting conditioner in it.

"I'm trying to be a god friend Hazza. I've told you not to cheat and told you this would happen but you took your chances. That was your last chance and now I'm here washing your fucking greasy hair because you can't do it yourself and it's not like you're paralyzed." Josh said which made me want to cry again.

That was my last chance. I knew every single time when Niall told me that he was going to leave me and he end up coming back. But this time I know I screwed up big time. I know that he'll want his home back and I'll have to move out.

Josh made me stand up and he gave me a towel and some soap.

"I'm not washing you up. You're a grown man. Who can make his own decisions even if some aren't the right ones." He said and left out the bathroom.

As much as I can't stand it Josh is rubbing this all in my face. And he won't stop because he's been right all these years I've been with Niall. Plus he's always got along with Niall. Niall was always so sweet and basically could be friends with anyone. I sighed to myself took off my underwear and began washing up.

Me and Niall sometimes used to wash up together. He used to was my back and vice versa but now I have to wash my own back.

What is wrong with me. I gave up the bestest boyfriend anyone could have ever. I shouldn't have went to visit my mum. I shouldn't of went to that club and dance with that guy. I shouldn't of felt so easily seduced by him. A one night stand was definitely not worth my whole relationship with Niall.

If you've ever known anybody to walk out your life you would know it hurts. But for a person to walk out your life because you were the problem hurts even worst. I can't erase the past which I dearly wish I could. I would fix everything.

"Harry if you don't get out the fucking shower you've been in there for 45 minutes and I'm pretty sure the fucking water is cold." Josh yelled from the other side of the door.

He was right. The water is cold. Just like the other side of my bed. And the rooms in the house. Cause Niall just has a smile to brighten up and warm up and room. I frowned at how everything was so cold.

I stepped out the shower to a cold breeze hitting me like I stepped into a winter storm. I wrapped the towel around my waist and one around my shoulders. I walked out the bathroom to see Josh standing there with a frown on his face.

"Everything is so cold." I said and he smiled sympathetically.

"What are you trying to do catch a cold? It is freezing in here but I know that's not what you mean." He said turning up the dial of heat.

"Go put on your clothes." he said pushing me towards my room.

I put on one of Niall's sweaters and a pair of his sweats and then some socks. They smelled of him and I smiled a bit. I came back and Josh had a some scissors, a comb and blow dryer in his hands and guided me to the kitchen and I sat down in the chair.

He cut my split ends then began to blow dry and comb out my hair and I cried again over Niall while he did that because he couldn't hear my sobs over the blow dryer. I wiped my eyes with the sleeves on Niall's sweater then taking in the scent again. When I did stop crying he was finally done blow drying my hair and then he swept up my hair putting the stuff back in the cabinet.

He then fixed me some food. I practically was paralyzed. I barely could do anything for myself. It's like I'm grieving because I did lose someone I really love and I know they're never coming back.

Josh disconnected me from thought when he put spaghetti bolognese in front of me. Wow how long have I been sitting here.

He sat down and began eating with me. "So what are your plans. You're just never going to go back to work. You're just gonna use up all your vacation days." He said.

"This is far from a vacation Josh. These are sick days. Because I am sick. Because I'm basically disabled." I said because the only reason I was able to function was because of Niall.

"You know what Harry? You need to get up and get out the house and smell the freaking roses alright because he's not coming back." Josh said.

"It's winter." I said and he rolled his eyes.

"Hazza I'm worried okay. I can't just keep taking days off babysitting you. You need to start doing things on your own you're not a little kid and I'm not your beck and call. He said.

Josh was kind and sweet most of the time but other times it was basically tough love.

"Things like these take time." I said lowly eating my food.

"How much Harry because I see you crumbling up right before my eyes and all I can do is try and tape you back up. It's hard seeing you like this." Josh said more softly and I looked up at him looking at me sadly.

I never knew that my decisions not only effected me and Niall but it affected Josh too. We've been friends for a long time and he has seen me at my best and worst but right now my worst is beginning to be his worst too.

"I'm sorry." I said letting a few tears fall and he came over to me.

"I'm sorry." I cried and he began to hold me.

"I'm so sorry." I sobbed this time crying into his shoulder.

I'm so freaking sorry.

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