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(Haven't updated in so long. Apologies)

This is not happening again. This can't happen again. Not again. I can't. This can't. What is going on.

Right now I'm horrible. Right now I'm in the back of Louis couch crying. I don't know why I'm crying but I think I have a pretty good idea. And it's been the same one many times before. I heard Lou's door open and then close.

"Niall!" I heard Lou call out.

I didn't say anything I just cried. I then heard footsteps making there way over to me. I felt him pick me up and sit on the couch with me.

"Niall I know-" I cut him off.

"No you don't Louis. I don't want to cry. I don't want to feel this pain. I want to live a happy life Louis. I deserve something. I've been a nice person all my life and so I shouldn't feel this pain. I'm not going back to him because I don't want him. I want a nice career and to be married and have kids. I'm tired Louis and I'm crying because of him not being able to give me that life. So no you don't know that I was gonna break down sooner or later because this wasn't supposed to happen." I said and he brung me closer and I put my head in his neck as he rubbed my back.

"Louis I want a happy life." I said crying as he whispered to me that 'that time will come'.

"Just stop crying." He said rubbing my back.

I just cried a little more before I ceased. He held me tight and stroked my hair.

"You know everything doesn't have a happy ending right?" He asked me and I nodded letting a few tears out from that statement.

"If you were meant to have children, a husband, a great life in general it will happen. Okay?" Louis said.

"But I deserve it." I said.

"I know Niall. But some people who have done nothing but good have died. And people who have been nothing but bad have a happy life. The thing is we have no control of how life is planned. So we'll just wait." Louis said rocking me.

"Okay." I said.


I sat down on the bench in the park. It was freezing but I really needed some air. All of a sudden I saw Harry. He looked a normal, a bit red due to the wind, but normal. But when I saw him I became pissed. He sat right by me.

"Hey Niall." He said sitting down.

"Please don't talk to me." I said ignoring him.

"Why what's wrong?" He asked me.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? What's wrong is you didn't give me the life I should of had. I should have a happy life. I should have a husband that DOESN'T CHEAT on me. Kids that bring me joy. A career that takes care of me and mine. But noooo I can't have that. I have to wait till fucking life makes the decision if I'm even supposed to have a life like that. So what's wrong is my life is fucked." I said.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Shut the fuck up Harry because you make me wanna slap thee absolute shit out of you." I said.

"I know I messed up. I messed up really bad. Extremely bad. But I still want you in my life because I love you." He said and I laughed.

"You know why I think this is funny. Because you've said it 4 fucking times. And then we end up fucking and you ask can we be boyfriends again and my dumb ass says yes." I said.

"You weren't dumb just in love. And I mean it this time." He said.

"Yeah well I don't love you anymore. And you said you meant it 3 times. Said you were serious 2 times and said I was the only one once. But fucked more people than I can count on my fingers. I wish I would have pinky promised cause because I want to break your fucking finger." I said and I felt him pull me into a side hug and I thrashed in his arms.

"Harry let go of me." I said and he held me tighter.

"No. Niall you always used to get like this. You just need to be enclosed in a tight lock." He said hugging me tightly.

"Harry let go." I said getting louder.

He didn't and I got tired so I stopped. I eventually did calm down.

"You can let go now." I said and he did.

"Are you okay now?" He asked me.

Am I okay? Yeah I'm fine.

"I'm fine." I said brushing him off.

"Niall I-" harry started.

"Harry just stop." I said and he pulled the beanie off his head and shaking his curls before putting it on mines.

I mentally frowned but still awed. He pulled out a extra pair of gloves and put them on my freezing hands.

"You might want to go to Louis' it's getting colder Ni." Harry said.

I can say a lot of good things about Harry but I can say some awful but I could never deny that he's always cared for my physical well being. Always was cautious in the winter about gloves and hats and always protective in the summer about sunscreen and dehydration. That used to be the icing on the cake for me.

"Yeah I better get going." I mumbled getting up.

He shot up and gave me a really big hug.

"Harry I hope you know that we aren't anything. Not friends, not acquaintances. You were a good and bad chapter in my life. But I'm moving on to the next book." I said and he pulled away.

"I know that's how you feel and you can tell me that a million times and I'll feel so much worse about myself. But I will not have you not be apart of my life. You were the best thing that happened to me. Who lets that go?" He said and I closed my eyes and did a pivot away from him.

"I'm serious." He said.

"I know Harry." I said before I began walking to Lou's.

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