Where the heart lies

Chapter 24:The first time

I was nearly twenty years old and had lost everyone I had ever loved. Everyone that I had ever been close to. My mom, Lily, Deb, and Jeremiah, although not gone in the same way, I had lost him too. Jesse was out of the country working when I had gotten the news about Lily and Deb. The police officers had to contact him to give him the information because the state of shock I was in left me speechless for days. He flew back right away and took charge of everything. I could barely look at him, it felt like someone had grabbed my heart, squeezed and expelled it from my chest, taking my tongue with it. I was a ghost, a shell of a person.

The day of the funeral I sat up front next to Jesse, listening to people give speech after speech about how amazing Deb and Lily were. Chris came over and hugged me for as long as he could before he felt incredibly awkward at the lack of a hug back. I had barely said two words to Jesse. When he returned home I ran into his arms at nearly 3:00am and just broke down crying. He held me for what felt like the entire night, just letting me fall apart. When I finally composed myself I took a step back and looked at him in the eyes, the hurt I saw broke me even more. Lily and Deb had been my family, but when I looked at him I realized that they were Jesse's family. The only family he had, and in that moment it clicked, how selfish I was being. I realized I had to let him feel, let him break down, but he never did. He was composed and put together through everything. I just watched him, in my shell, as he locked down all of his feelings and got shit done.

I watched in awe at how strong he was, how although I could see how much pain he was in, he never let it truly show. After the funeral Jesse had set up food at the house where people could come, eat and talk about how great Lily and Deb were. I stayed in the corner, people watching and nodding to everyone who gave their condolences. Jesse had caught my eye from across the room and I swallowed down my glass of vodka I was using to numb the pain. His stare was so intense I had to look down to the floor. When I looked back up he was still staring at me with his dark blue eyes. The usual glistening ocean blues were turned gray with grief. Jesse's stare bore into me and I couldn't take it anymore. I made my way into kitchen, dodging all of the people dressed in black and refilled my cup to the rim.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" Jesse's deep husky voice seeps into my ears and I close my eyes as I take a long glug of my drink. I turned around to meet his eyes. His body so close, my breasts were touching his chest. I looked up through my lashes, "Nope. I need something to distract me. Something to numb me." I held up my drink and nodded toward it, "This is doing just fine." Another big gulp burned down my throat as I stared at Jesse straight in his eyes.

"There's other ways to numb the pain. Other distractions" his voice so low it sent chills down my spine. "M-hmm, like what? Cause right now, this is the only thing that's going to work" I looked around at all the people socializing. How could they all be fine? How are they talking and laughing? Jesse grabbed my half cup of Vodka and devoured it looking deeply into my wide eyes. Shocked and angry that he just finished off my drink I went to open my mouth and yell but before I could say anything Jesse grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the upstairs bathroom. I looked behind us at all the guest as we pass, all of them giving small, condoling smiles as we make our way upstairs.

Jesse pulled me into the bathroom. The one where he fingered me last year. The one where I nearly melted into everything that is him. He stops as soon as my body gets fully into the space, spins to look at me and the next thing I know his body is pushed up against mine as my back is pushing the door closed and his hand moves to lock the door. His mouth meets mine, his tongue pushes to open my mouth farther. A low, soft moan escapes my mouth and my eyes fall closed, taking in the pleasure my body feels. Jesse's lips are the perfect combination of soft and hard. He's gentle but possessive and my limbs go lax, heat building between my legs. His hand grabs the hair at the base of my neck, tilting my head to deepen our kiss and he pulls my hair as he bites my lower lip. Drenched is an understatement for the condition of my panties.

His big hands cup my breasts through my dress and bra. My mind furious at all the layers in between us. Jesse moves from my lips to my jaw biting, kissing, and leaves trails until he reaches just below my ear. Whispering he say, "I need a distraction just as much as you. You want alcohol. I want you." Butterflies fill my stomach and a whimper leaves my lips as Jesse grinds his already hard length between my thighs. He cups my ass and picks me up, as if I weigh nothing, pinning me to the door. My legs wrap around his waist instinctively and I'm kissing him, sloppy and erratic. Everything outside the bathroom, outside us, has disappeared. Jesse pushes farther into me and I can feel his bulge pushing at the hem of his black dress pants. His right hand moving up my thigh, sliding my panties to the side to feel my center.

"God you're so wet. I need you. Right now." His voice strained and a low growl escapes as he slides his finger in and out of me. I whimper at the feeling, his thick, slick fingers filling me. God I've never wanted anything more. "Shhh baby, you have to try to be quiet" his voice scratchy and filled with desire. Jesse drops me suddenly and moves me quickly to the sink. My body facing the mirror, he lifts my dress up over my hips and pulls down my soaked panties. He opens the drawer to my right and pulls out a condom, my heart racing with adrenaline and lust. I watch as he lowers his pants, taking his length in his hand and rolls down the condom. My heart skipping beats and my breath shuddering with anticipation. Jesse lifts my left leg up on the sink and rubs the head of his dick along my warm, dripping core.

"Mmm you're so wet" He bites his lower lip and gently slides into me. I let out a moan laced with pain and pleasure, while Jesse lets out a groan filled with nothing but lust. "Oh fuck. You're so goddamn tight Freya" Would this be a bad time to tell him I'm a virgin? My subconscious yells at me but my body indulges on pleasure. "Try to be quiet flower. We don't want anyone walking in on us now do we" he bites his lip and winks at me. Jesse places one hand on my hip and the other on my shoulder, gently rocking into me as his eyes stay placed on mine in the mirror. My body tightens and clenches to his with every slow thrust, the sharp pain now gone and filled with nothing but immense pleasure. God if I could indulge in Jesse and his penis whenever I wanted, I'd never have a need for alcohol. Ever.

My stomach starts to tighten, a warmth filling me from my head to my toes and I feel my legs start to shake. Jesse's hand finds its way into my hair and he pulls it, my head falling pack and exposing my neck. He leans forward, hitting me deeper and starts biting my neck, rough, wild and wet. "Yes.

Yes.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Right there."

I more then beg for Jesse to keep his pace. To keep biting and sucking. "Right there baby. You're so close." His voice gravely, "Come for me. God you look so damn sexy when you're about to come. Come for me Freya." And just like that, I come undone. A broken cry of his name escapes my lips and I'm shaking uncontrollably, Jesse's hand holding me up around my waist so I don't fall over on the sink.

His tempo speeds up and his thrusts become harder, rougher. Gripping me harder around my waist he grunts, "God this is so deep. So, so deep." He's breathless and I don't know how much longer he's going to last. "You're so fucking tight. So tight Freya. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck." I look up in the mirror still breathless from my orgasm and watch Jesse unfold. He stills and I feel the warmth of him spill out into the condom. He slowly works himself down and then pulls out slowly, discarding the condom in the trash and placing a kiss on my shoulder as he readjusts my dress for me.

"You okay?" His question comes out low and shaky, as if it suddenly occurs to him where we are and what just happened. I nod and give him a small smile of reassurance. Jesse cups my face and kisses my cheek, "Thank you for the distraction. That was incredible. You. You were incredible." He kisses me once more on the lips, light and soft before motioning his head to the door, "See you out there?" I nod again and watch as he leaves the bathroom.

I turn around to look at myself in the mirror. What the fuck just happened? I shake my head trying to rid all of the emotions flooding my body, I attempt to make myself semi presentable. Trying everything I can to not return looking thoroughly fucked and when I can do no more I grab my panties from the floor and move to sit on the toilet. It's then that I see the little blood trickling down my thigh. Fuck! If he didn't know I was a virgin before, he sure as hell does now!