Where the heart lies

Chapter 16

"Where's the ice cream?" Lily's question shook me from my thoughts. After Jesse left with the ice cream I opted to make us popcorn instead and made my way up the stairs to her room slowly, constantly replaying what he had said and what had happened in the kitchen. Why did it bother me? Why did his words turn me on? If I was truly in love with Jeremiah as much as I thought I was, wouldn't Jesse's words have no effect on me?

"Yeahhhh......your brother happened" I shrugged trying to play it cool and praying that Lily didn't ask me too many questions. "So I figured we could just have popcorn instead." She rolled her eyes and sighed "Ugh! I can't wait for him to leave already! I love him but we've never had him around this long before and he's driving me nuts!" I chuckled and couldn't help myself from asking more questions.

"When is he leaving? And where is he going now? He was in Australia or something before right?" I shoved a handful of popcorn in my mouth to try to stop the questions from coming. She shrugged eyeing me suspiciously as I knew she would. "He hasn't mentioned an exact date that he's leaving. My mom is so happy that he's home that I don't think she really wants him to leave. But yeah he was there I think or London or something. Who knows, Jesse goes all over the place doing God knows what. I think he does something with businesses or money. I don't know. He's so secretive. I'm his sister and I feel like I barely know him. How sad is that!" Lily sighed and put in the DVD.

That was Lily's way of saying she didn't want to talk about it anymore and I obeyed her wishes by getting comfy and waiting for the movie to start. Usually on a night filled with crying heartbreak and boys, Lily and I would watch a rom-com and curl up with a blanket and ice cream but since Jesse ruined the ice cream part it was only fitting for us to change the whole movie aspect too. We decided on the recent Die hard movie and swooned over Bruce Willis the whole night.

I went to bed looking at a text from Jeremiah.

Goodnight sweetheart ;)

I replied with a simple x.

He made me smile so wide that I couldn't help but feel butterflies and I drifted off to sleep on cloud 9. My subconscious though, was thinking of someone entirely different and my dreams were filled with nothing but Jesse. Jesse's word, his body, his tattoos, his lips, I must have been tossing and turning because Lily shook me awake. "Freya....Freya" she whispered, "hey! Are you ok?" My eyes shot opened and I sat up so fast I almost headbutted her. "Yea, yea I'm fine. Sorry. Weird dream" If only she knew how weird it was. I couldn't believe I was dreaming about her brother! It has to stop. I scolded myself and forced myself to go back to sleep.

I woke to an empty bed and the sound of my alarm going off on my phone. I reached over and turned it off noticing a text from my mom and Jeremiah.

Good morning beautiful :)

Jeremiah was so sweet. Although we texted every day, this felt different. He was preparing us for being apart and I hugged the phone closer to me wanting to be closer to him for it. The text message from my mom wasn't nearly as good.

Hi honey, are you coming home tonight? Need to do some cleaning but wanted to know if you wanted anything specific for dinner if you were.

Usually when my mom said she had some cleaning to do it meant that there was a fight between her and Gary and she needed to clean up the things he broke. My chest tightened instantly and I could feel the tears starting to emerge. I'd been so consumed with Jeremiah that I hadn't even given my home situation much thought. The ache in my chest grew thinking about what my mom probably went through while my head was in the clouds. I sent her a quick reply telling her that I would be home and she could make anything for dinner. Even though Jeremiah was leaving in a few days I had to be with my mom. Jeremiah would understand and we would have to get used to the distance anyway. Right?

I made my way down to the kitchen after getting ready for school and found Lily, Deb and Jesse all eating at the table. Jesse's eyes shot up to me before anyone else's, smiling, he looked me up and down. "Hey! What do you want for breakfast? We're gonna leave for school in like fifteen so that should give you enough time to eat" Lily stood up from her place at the table and handed me a plate. I smiled, trying to hide the flush in my cheeks from Jesse's stares, and took the plate piling some eggs and bacon on it from the stove. I sat across from Jesse at the table and ate in silence but the second Lily and Deb left the table Jesse found his courage, "You're going to let your tits hang out like that all day in school?" I nearly choked on my bacon and had to take a sip of orange juice before I could respond.

"Excuse me?" I tried my best to hold my own strength, not wanting to acknowledge what he had just said but I couldn't help it and I scanned over my outfit quickly. Tight dark jeans and a red tank top, although it was pretty low cut I never thought that it was too revealing considering I barely had any breasts to begin with but I guess since they had started to develop more it was rather revealing. I felt my cheeks flush but I shook it off not wanting him to see that he had gotten to me. "Your tits" he nodded toward my chest and licked his lips before meeting my eyes, "do you always wear such revealing things?" His cocked head made me grin and I scorned myself for giving into his obvious flirtation. Damnit! "What's it to you?" I stood and took my empty dish to the sink. My goal- aiming to be as nonchalant as possible-he couldn't know how much his words effected me. I wouldn't let him. At least I would try my hardest not to let him.

Before he could answer I spun around and saw him standing at the counter, eyeing me up and down. Taking in my whole body. My every curve. I felt like a piece of art in a museum. I'd always worn those specific jeans because they caressed every curve of my butt and showed off my toned legs but I'd never had anyone-never seen anyone-be effected by them. Damn, it made me feel good. Made me feel confident and sexy. Jesse looked at me like Jeremiah never had. Jeremiah always looked at me with doe eyes, filled with so much love and want but Jesse's eyes were filled with need. With lust and a hint of....something else. It was as if he was a cat ready to pounce on his prey. I watched him take in my body and I couldn't help but blush when our eyes met. He went to take a step toward me but paused at the sound of Lily's voice.

"Ready?" She jumped into the kitchen with her bubbly self and I shook my head in agreement. Little did she know I was also shaking my head to rid it of the thoughts that were beginning to fill my head. Thoughts of Jesse. If Jesse could do that to me with just a look then I couldn't imagine what he could and would do to me the more I saw him. It was then that I promised myself that, as long as Jesse was still there and as long as I was with Jeremiah, I needed to distance myself. I needed to stay away. But how in the hell am I going to stay away from my best friends house? My mind raced trying to come up with solutions but there was only one thing I could come up with. I either had to tell Lily about the feelings I was having toward Jesse or I had to try to stay away from her too.