We're Not In The Movies [Alcaviar Series #1]

18: Ready or Not

"Are you going home to my graduation?" Leticia finally asked.

I know why she called, she wants me to come home. But honestly, I don't want to.

I haven't done anything that can make my Father proud of me. I can't even make myself proud either, for now.

"I'll talk to my manager, Leticia." I said.

I've been staying in New York for three years now, it's not big as it sounds though.

I have projects in line, but it was not a regular project or a main role kind of project.

I start from the bottom, and I could say that it might lead to somewhere.

I hope so.

It was hard to adjust for the first few months here.

Miss na miss ko yung Pilipinas na iniisip kong lumayas na dito at umuwi na lang, lumuhod na lang at mag-sorry kay Papa o kay Achilles.

Okay na 'ko dun dahil pakiramdam ko kakainin ako ng pag-iisa, nalulungkot ako, gusto ko nang umalis nun.

May mga gabi na parang gusto ko nalang umiyak magdamag, mag-isa lang ako sa condo ko sa Manhattan. Minsan wala na 'kong gana kumain, tumatawag sa akin si Giara at sakanya ako magrereklamo.

May mga araw na rin na walang wala na talaga 'ko financially and spiritually. Sobrang nakakapagod, ubos na ubos ka.

Hindi ko alam pero kahit na ganoon ang mga naging araw ko nakaabot ako ng isang taon, naging dalawa, at ngayon tatlo.

Good thing that I had filipino friends who work at the management of ADBM.

They taught me how to survive in this country and especially how to cope up with what I lost and missed in Philippines.

I wanted to give Achilles a call that year, especially on Christmas. It was sad to not celebrate it with your family.

After Achilles and I broke up, I had a sad and great last semester of my college life. He didn't greet me or message me after.

We saw each other often at Xyle's but only his friends would wave and say hi to me. He doesn't want to be anywhere near me and I totally understood that.

When we graduated, I gave my letter to Haze and asked to give it to him. I did not receive anything but a message from him saying thanks. Iyon lang. Wala ng iba.

The ironic part is I cried when he sent me that message, it was almost midnight and I just got home from a family dinner.

I imagined us being able to hold hands and take pictures as we wear our toga, but that did not happen because I left him.

We wanted that part in our life, to be together until we reach our graduation.

But I know I would not survive that part, if I'll wait until graduation to break up with him. I would've stayed if he'll beg me to.

And look at me, I feel like I disappointed myself.

I promised myself to be successful once I got home, but I wasn't halfway there all along.. I was just an inch closer.

But success doesn't come at the time you expect it to be happening, it comes when it's perfect. When you're ready to see it.

"There's a big offer for you." Adriana said when I got to her office, "It's a supporting role, mija,"

That was a first. Supporting roles means that I'd get more screen time. I smiled when I heard that.

"So, when, Adri?" I asked.