Project LOKI ③

Chapter 44: Dead Man's Switch VI (Trust and Doubt)

Alistair nodded. "Lorelei asked me kung dapat ba naming sabihin sa 'yo at kay Maggie. She wanted to make sure na aware kayo sa plano. But I dismissed her concern. I reasoned na kailangang authentic ang reaksyon mo kaya mas mabuting hindi namin sabihin sa 'yo."

Yeah, I remembered asking him kung sasabihin din ba namin ang plano kina Jamie at Maggie. But I can't help myself but share the blame. "I should have insisted on the idea of telling you. Kinabahan ako sa desisyon naming huwag sabihin sa 'yo, dahil inisip ko na baka may maging effect 'yon. Mukhang meron nga. I'm also sorry about it."

Maintaining a straight face, Jamie kept staring at me, then at Alistair. Hindi namin nilubayan ang kanyang titig. We could argue na pinapalaki niya ang isang maliit na isyu, pero mas lalala ang sitwasyon kung gano'n. And we also felt genuinely sorry kaya naisip kong ang pahingi ng tawad ang pinakamainam na paraan upang plantsahin ang gusot.

"Naman!" Napabuntong-hininga si Jamie at napakamot ng ulo. "Ang hirap um-acting na wala akong pake sa mga sinasabi n'yo. Parang nasu-suffocate na ako rito. Yie!"

"Napaka-awk—"

The door creaked open, interrupting our conversation. Kakarating lang ni Loki na pakusot-kusot ng kanyang mga mata. I could tell that he slept all throughout his classes. Napapahikab pa nga siya.

"What's with the intense aura?" he asked, dragging a chair and sitting on it. "Are you in the middle of a serious discussion? Do you need me to give you the room?"

Tatayo na sana siya pero hinala ko pababa ang kanyang kanang sleeve. "Sit down."

He silently obeyed and slid back to his chair. Ilang segundo ko rin siyang tinitigan bago niya sagutin ang aking tingin. His eyebrows knitted as he stared at me, confused on why I was giving him the look. Ngumuso ako sa direksyon ni Jamie. Hindi niya agad na-gets kung bakit kaya kinailangan ko pa siyang bigyan ng isang nagbabantang tingin.

"So this is the part where I say—"

"Yes!" I cut his words short, then whispered, "Just say it."

Huminga muna siya nang malalim at sandaling ipinikit ang kanyang mga mata. Pagmulat ng mga ito, humarap siya sa babaeng katabi ko. "Jamie, I'm sorry for calling you a drama queen earlier. That was rude of me. Maybe I got carried away by my conversation with Stein, but that was not an excuse. I was inconsiderate of your feelings. I didn't mean to invalidate your emotions."

Napayuko si Jamie at napapikit.

"Do not think for a moment that we do not trust you," Loki continued as Jamie opened her eyes and looked at him intently. "Yes, we may still have some lingering doubts, but our trust in you outweighs our reservation."

We can't easily erase our doubts on someone, can we? Ang pagdududa ay parang pagtanggal ng mantsa. Nangangailangan ng oras at effort para mabura ang dumi. Hindi pwedeng sa isang pitik lang ng mga daliri natin, mawawala na ang duda natin sa mga tao.

"Here's how you can be certain that we really trust you: You're still here. With us," Loki said, shooting sideward glances at me and Alistair. "If we don't trust you, we would have kicked you out of this office because letting you stay poses a risk, given your affiliation with them. We may not tell you or anyone here of what we know immediately, but don't take that as a sign that we don't trust you. We only need to find the right time to tell you. Still I—or we—apologize for what happened."

"When you put it that way, how can I not forgive my Loki dear?" Napapunas ng kanyang nangingilid na luha si Jamie, muntikan na yatang maiyak sa mga narinig niya. "Honestly, talagang nainis ako sa inyong tatlo. Pinaramdam n'yo kasi sa akin na parang 'di ako katiwa-tiwala. Na okay lang sa inyo na ma-left out ako. Na parang 'di ako belong."