The 'Un' Attached String

Chapter - 26

It was almost middle of the night, when Maahir suddenly woke up and started feeling suffocated in his bedroom. So he got up and came out of his bedroom and thought of going to Bulbul's room. When he opened the door of her bedroom, he found Bulbul was sound asleep hugging her toy but the other side of her bed was empty. So thinking that Bela might be inside the washroom, he decided to pamper Bulbul in her sleep, as she looks really cute while sleeping just like Bela used to be but on seeing the way Bulbul was sleeping, he didn't have the heart to disturb her peaceful sleep and so left from there and while leaving closed the door. He walked towards the hall as he wanted to go to the balcony to take in some fresh air but to his surprise, he found Bela sitting there on the floor looking away towards the sky and seeing her all alone, he asked, "Tum yaha kya kar rahi ho? Bulbul akeli hai apne room mein aise mein agar aakh khuli aur usne tumhe nehi dekha to vo upset nehi ho jaayegi? " Bela, who was lost in her thoughts, shook a little bit when she heard Maahir's voice and immediately composed herself and replied, "Itne dino se to reh rahe ho apni beti ke saath, tumhe kya lagta hai vo koi fragile type ki ladki hai jo aise hi dar jaayegi? Canada mein vo apne room mein akeli hi soti thi." Maahir replied, "Par ab to akeli nehi soti hai and ma ke saath bachcho ka alag equation hota hai isiliye kaha. Vaise..." He came and sat down beside her and asked, "Tum yaha itni raat gaye kar kya rahi ho? Neend nehi aa rahi hai kya?" Bela replied, "Nehi bas aise hi soch rahi thi apni life ke baare mein. Kabhi socha nehi tha ke meri life hilly areas ke raste jaisi ho jaayegi, aadhi tedhi. Jab apni life ko Canada mein dubaara se shuru kiya tha Bulbul ke paida hone ke baad to aisa kabhi nehi socha tha ke aaj is makam par aa jaayegi apni zindagi." Maahir sadly smiled and replied, "Agar Bulbul ka usdin call na aata mujhe, to shaayad meri aur Anu ke shaadi ke preparations shuru ho chuke hote. Sahi kaha kabhi nehi socha tha ke life mein aisa turn bhi aayega. Meri aur tumhaari zindagi aaj alag hai par ek cheez ke sivaay and that's Bulbul, uske liye hum dono hi kisi bhi hadh tak ja sakte hai. Hai na?" Bela replied, "Aisa hum sirf soch sakte hai, kyuki agar main apni zindagi ke vo beete huye 8 saalo ke baare mein sochti hu na mujhe realize hota hai ke maine aajtak Bulbul ke liye kuch bhi nehi kiya. Aaj mujhe ye realize ho raha hai ke sirf janam dene se koi bhi ma nehi ban jaata hai kyuki ma hone ki aisi koi zimmedaari maine aajtak nibhaayi hi nehi hai. Main jitna bhi tumhe ye baat kehlu ke tum to achche pati nehi ban paaye to ek achche baap kaise ban sakte ho, par asal mein sach to ye hai ke main khud hi ek achchi ma nehi ban saki. I'm a failed mother! Main hamesha yehi sochti thi ke Bulbul itni badtameez aur reckless type kyu hai aur mujhe hamesha ye lagta tha ke mamma ne usko sar charaaya hai aur maine bhi to hamesha uski har zidd puri ki hai bina ye soche ke vo uske liye sahi hai ya nehi. Par yaha aakar maine dekha ke kuch hi dino mein Bulbul kitni badal gayi, vo bekaar ki cheezo ke liye zidd nehi karti hai aur agar karti hai to tum usko nehi pura karte aur jab usko samjhaate ho she actually listens to you. Jo hamaare beech mein hua, uske liye I hated you always but jab main dekhti hu ke Bulbul mujhse zyaada tumhaari baate sunti hai to I hate you even more aur tab main sochti thi ke aisa kya hai jo main usko aaj tak nehi de paayi jo tumne usey diya. Aaj jab main ye saari baate Kuhu se discuss kar rahi thi na to she told me something and I realized vo sach hai, isiliye aaj jab maine Bulbul se dinner ke time vo saare questions puche to Bulbul ne exactly wahi kaha jo Kuhu ne mujhse kaha ke Bulbul ke dil mein actually hai. Just imagine! Ek 8 saal ki bachchi sirf isliye aisi harkate karti hai taaki vo apne andar ke is dar se peecha chuda sakey, jis dar aur insecurity ke baare mein vo khud nehi jaanti hai, khud nehi samajhti hai. Kya beeti hogi meri bachchi par jab usko ye feel hota hoga ke agar maine sach mein papa ke behkaave mein aakar dusri shaadi karli to uska kya hoga because truly speaking papa really doesn't like her aur iske liye main hi zimmedaar hu, kyuki main ek darpok aurat hu, ek darpok ma hu. I could never stand up for my daughter, the way you do it. Sirf financially dependent hone se koi self dependent nehi ban jaata hai, main paise kamaati hu lekin main to apni bachchi ko security hi nehi de saki pata hai kyu? Kyuki main darti hu akele rehne se, kyuki main darti hu phir se akele hone se. I'm a damn coward mother! Mujhe ma banne ka koi haq nehi hai, maine Bulbul ke saath injustice ki hai. Jo baate Kuhu bina abhi tak ma bane samajh sakti hai, vo main ma bankar nehi samajh paayi. But you gave that security to her! Meri shaadi Reyhaan se ho jaane ke baat se vo darti hai lekin tumhaari shaadi Anu se ho jaane baat se bhi vo nehi dari. Kyu? Kyuki shaayad tumhaara usse shaadi na karne ka decision tum Anu ke face par bol sakte ho lekin maine to aajatk ye baat ke mujhe Reyhaan se shaadi nehi karni hai, kabhi bhi apne papa ke muh par saaf saaf hi nehi bol saki. Bulbul ke paida hone ke baad, usko literally mamma ne hi paala hai aur mere paas kabhi uske liye waqt hi nehi tha. Vo jab bimaar padhti thi, main tab bhi uske paas nehi reh paati thi. 8 saal thi mere saath Canada mein, main to shaayad geen kar bata sakti hu ke maine uske saath kitna time spend kiya hai lekin in kuch dino mein tumne uski life mein, mere na diye huye waqt ki kami ko pura kiya hai. Apni ego satisfy karne ke liye main apne ma hone ke failure ko nazarandaaz nehi kar sakti hu aur naahi is baat se mukar sakti hu ke you're a very good father!" Maahir leaned at the wall and said, "No Bela you're not coward varna tum aaj apne papa ke saamne yu khari nehi hoti jaise tum abhi hui ho jab unhone Bulbul par haath uthaya. I can understand why didn't you stand up to your father... shaayad... tumne mujhse shaadi unke marzi ke khilaaf ki thi aur aaj hum alag hai isliye tumhe lagta hoga ye sab tumhaare ek galat decision ka, apne papa ki baat na maanne ka nateeja hai, tumhe tumhaare guilt ne roka hai aur kuch nehi and I'm not judging you for that. Pata hai Kuhu kehti hai ke tumhaare nazar mein main galat hu aur tumhaare jagah par koi bhi hota vo bhi yehi karta jo tumne kiya hai. Whether I'm a good father or not, mujhe nehi pata, maine bas vohi kiya jo mujhe thik laga, may be that's called paternal instincts... I don't know. Bulbul ki na kuch harkate aisi hoti hai, jo sahi mein bohot annoying hoti hai par main uspar kabhi gussa nehi karta kyuki... ab ek bachchi ke saamne aisi situation ho jaha usko lagta hai ke uske ma baap dusre logo se shaadi karne ja rahe hai to usko kaise react karna chahiye batao? Ab 8 saal ki bachchi rationally aur matured person ke tarah bartaav thore hi karegi aur Bulbul bilkul bhi dusre rone waale bachcho mein se nehi hai aur daatkar kya karunga? Usko kisise dar lagta hai? Daatne par ulta nuksaan hi hoga kyuki aaj jo harkate vo sabke saamne kar rahi hai, kal ko vo chupaake karegi, ya jo bata kar kar rahi hai vo kal ko nehi bataayegi. Usey sambhaalna bilkul bhi maamuli bachcho ka khel nehi hai. Arey Reyhaan ke saath Bulbul ne kuch bhi nehi kiya, Anu par to usne pura kachre ka dabba khaali kar diya." Bela nodded her head and smiled sarcastically and replied, "I guess she's like that! Par main tumse ek baat kahu? Agar Bulbul ko kisine mujhse cheena na, to mujhe nehi pata ke main kya karungi" Maahir understood what Bela was actually trying to say and so he replied, "Main samajh raha hu ke tum exactly kya mean karna chahti ho. Maine bhi aisa kabhi bhi nehi socha tha, gusse mein bhale hi main kuch bhi kahu. No one is perfect Bela! Main bhi nehi hu aur main perfect banna bhi nehi chahta hu aur vaise bhi legally usko tumse cheenna mere liye kaafi difficult hai, main to bas itna chahta hu ke Bulbul yaha rahe, ye uska ghar hai. You know jab vo pehli baar aayi thi usne mujhe kaha ke sasurji tumhaari shaadi Reyhaan se karwakar usko ghar se nikaal denge, I thought ke bachche to bohot imaginative hote hai, aisa hi kuch hua hoga. Mujhe ye bhi samajhme aata tha ke sasurji ke saath uska relationship normal grandfather-granddaughter ke tarah nehi hai lekin jis tarah se unhone... I mean... I realized its much worse than that." Bela replied, "I'm responsible for it!" Maahir put his hand on her hand out of concern and replied, "Don't say like that Bela, you're not!" Bela became very cautious as he put his hand on her hand and when Maahir realized the same, he immediately removed his hand and then in order to change the situation, he said, "Main manta hu ke sasurji bohot rude hai par sach baat batau to Bulbul kabhi kabhi kaand bhi aise karti hai, peetne laayak aur tum jo uske saath kabhi kabhi sakti baratti ho na, she deserves it. Kabhi kabhi to uski harkate mujhe itna loud lagta hai aur mujhe itna gussa dilaata hai na ke kya batau... main bas usko digest kar jaata hu aur patiently handle karne ki koshish karta hu. Vo kehte hai na ke larkiyo par haath nehi uthaate, vo beti na hokar beta hoti na, kabki zabardast pitai ho chuki hoti abhi tak. Par phir bhi jab kabhi thora strict hone ki koshish karta hu, to aisi roni surat banakar mujhse puchti hai, 'Daddy aap mujhe daat rahe ho?' aur uske baad main kuch nehi bol paata. Itne saalo baad mili hai, daatne ka bhi mann nehi karta, kya karu, bohot ajeeb situation hai." Bela smiled and replied, "Vo aise hi karti hai, mamma ke saath bhi, bas mere saath aisa nehi kar paati hai." Maahir leaned on the wall again and said, "Tumhe pata hai jisdin Bulbul ne pehli baar mujhe phone kiya tha office mein, maine yakeen hi nehi kiya uski baato ka aur jab maine agle din uska phone nehi uthaaya to usne baar baar phone kar kar ke sabki naak mein dam kar diya, phir sirf mujhe yakeen dilaane ke liye usne saasumom ki mail ID se mujhe apne pictures bheje tumhaare saath and that was when I came to believe that I have a daughter. Phir hamaari har roz baat hoti thi, ek baar to raat ko 3 baje usne mujhe phone kiya aur kaha ke main uske sums solve karwa du agle din test hai aur vo ande laane waali hai phir puri raat jag kar maine uski paraari puri karwaayi. Tab na mujhe aisa feel hua jaise apne bachche ke liye raat bhar jaagna, uske nappies badalna, usko sulaana ye sab to main kar hi nehi paaya shaayad isi tarah se main vo adhuri khwahish puri kar raha tha. Pehli baar airport mein jab maine usko apne aakho ke saamne dekha to aisa laga jaise... jaise vo koi sapna hai. Pehli baar jab daddy bolkar vo mujhse lipti to aisa laga jaise, meri zindagi jo tumhaare saath chali gayi thi, vo mujhe waapas mil gayi hai, I just didn't want to leave her, I just wanted to leave that moment forever and ever. Mujhe feel hua ke jab Bulbul paida hui thi, itti si thi, uske vo chote chote haathose meri puri ungli ko pakarna, tumse chupaakar usko chocolates aur bahaar ka khaana khilaana, uske liye naye toys, nayi dresses kharidna, usko spoil karna, uske saath luka chupi khelna, main sab miss kar gaya aur jab ye sochta tha tab bohot gussa aata tha mujhe tumpar. Isliye sach kahu to mere dil mein hamesha, yehi khayaal aata tha ke tumse main badla lu is baat ke liye. So, jaisa ke maine kaha, no one is perfect!" When Maahir was saying all those things, Bela could feel the pain and the emptiness in him due to the feeling that he lost 8 years of Bulbul's life and that feeling somewhere made Bela feel bad but she just could not expresse her feeling, surrendering to her ego. Maahir realized that the environment was getting heavy and so, in order to change the topic, said, "By the way..."and turned towards her and continued, "Jab humne pehli baar bachche ki planning ki thi, although maine nehi tumne ki thi kyuki tumhe to hamesha se hi har baat ki jaldi thi, humne plan kiya tha ke agar beti hui to uska naam Maahi rakkhenge, to Bulbul...???" Bela made a face and replied, "I hated you so much ke main apne bachche ka naam M se match karne rakhna hi nehi chahti thi isliye B se Bulbul rakh diya, ye naam vaise mamma ka diya hua hai aur mujhe achcha bhi laga." Maahir then said, "I think... as we both have our own flaws towards our own lives.... as well as Bulbul, I think we should change our approach." Bela was confused and asked, "Kya matlab?" Maahir replied, "Dekho abhi hum chahe ya na chahe but we have to stay for 6 months with each other, so jab rehna hi hai to itna gussa ya nafrat ya jo kuch bhi uncomfortable cheeze hamaare beech mein hai usko side mein rakh kar ye 6 mahine kyu na bina ek dusre ka murder kiye yaha rahe." Bela replied, "Agar tum ye mean-"Maahir cut her in the middle and said, "Tum jaisa soch rahi ho vaisa kuch nehi hai, main bas in 6 mahino ki baat kar raha hu kyuki honestly speaking har time ye jo hamaare beech mein chalta rehta hai na saas-bahu type, I'm bored! Main tumhe drama karne ke liye nehi keh raha hu kyuki iski koi zarurat hi nehi hai because hamaare case mein hamaari beti ko ye pata hai ke we are not like normal husband wife bas bahaarwaalo ke saamne kamsekam thora civilized aur sophisticated aur unromantically normal to behave kar hi sakte hai. Kitna aise jhagrenge?" Bela looked at Maahir for sometime and during those time, she didn't utter a single word as if she was trying to see through him and understand him for she was still very scared to trust him and asked, "Do you realize what are you saying?" Maahir replied, "I'm absolutely sure what I'm saying! Tum achchi tarah se soch lo and then... Ok..." He got up and replied, "Main sone ja raha hu, tum bhi zyaada der mat raho yaha. Ok... goodnight!" Saying Maahir left from there and then after sometime, Bela also left for her room.