Lovebug

Here with you now

When I look at him slouching on the park swing, I can tell that's not what he wanted to hear.
He moves the hair out of his eyes and looks over to me. 

"Was it someone else?"
"What does that mean?"
His cheeks are suddenly flushed with colour. 
He shakes his head and tries again.
"I mean...were you all by yourself?"

Oh, Miguel. 
I think this is why I haven't seen him. 
I think this is why he wakes me up every day. 

"There was a girl-"
"Oh." his shoulders visibly lose tension.
Jesus.
"Her name is Ruth."
"The girl from the hospital?"
"Yeah, her."
"Were you...involved?"
"Why are you being like this?"
"I'm just curious, man. I haven't spoken to you like this in ages. I want to know who you are now, Bug. You were the only consistent thing in my life and suddenly you never talk to me unless it's to thank me for waking you up at 5 pm, which is too fuckin' late to be waking up by the way!

Since he's come to see me, every word he says hits like a kick to the chest. 
Not like I have any clue what it feels like to be kicked in the chest. 
Maybe this is worse. 

"I'm sorry. I'm here with you now." I don't know if that's the right thing to say.
I never know the right thing to say.

I don't understand how men work. 

at 6:59 I reach for his hand. 
I never asked to touch him, I hope he would let me if I did.