My mom used to blame everything on God.
I remember every time something frustrated her, no matter how small, God would be hearing from her.
"I won't be leaving this out of my prayers tonight"
She would say, after stubbing her toe or losing my brother in the Walmart.
As I get older I realize that Another name for God is "not me".
We all blame things on our "not me".
For me, it's my dissociation, my impulsivity.
For you it might be the passage of time, your parents, your job, your childhood, society.
But all of this blaming, all of this shifting, it's flirting with instability.
The more blaming I do, the less I accept blame, the more I lose touch.
I wonder in Miguel's basement how I got here, where here even is.
Wherever I am, it's my fault I'm here.
Whatever happened I can't place blame on "not me".
When I wake up or get out or die, whatever.
Wherever I end up, I'll do all the good I can, in any way I can.
That's the only way to have no regrets.
YOU ARE READING
Lovebug
Mystery / ThrillerLovebug is compulsive. Lovebug is simple. Lovebug is mind numbingly bored. (I abandoned this story and don't care for it very much but I think it's still worth a read)
