Eternal Love: Beynika Oneshots

Get It Together

You so afraid to cry, but your heart be feeling dry
It's time to change..
_______

"I'm trying, Beyoncé. Can you at least appreciate that?"

Appreciate? I thought to myself. Of all the days my husband wanted to show his appreciation for the love we so-called shared; he picked today. Valentine's Day of all days. After so many holidays, non-special days had passed, he thought today would be best to make up for his lack of affection.

Which, I didn't mind. He was trying, but in all honesty, it was a little too late. Shawn and I have been married for six years. He proposed when I graduated college at twenty-two, and now at twenty-eight with my birthday quickly approaching, I didn't see us lasting much longer. The topic of us separating has come up much more frequently in our conversations, and I was leaning more toward that option than anything.

Shawn called me on his lunch break at work and told me he made reservations to take me out to dinner. I had been down in the dumps all day because I just knew we weren't going to do anything like we hadn't for the last few years, but he surprised me. So much so, that an edible arrangement was delivered to our front door fifteen minutes after our call. I spent the evening getting dolled up and even had time to run to the hair salon, mall, and European wax center.

But, my efforts went unnoticed. Shawn may have been lustfully drinking my appearance in, but his mind was elsewhere. He didn't want to be here. And, that reason alone was why I had an attitude at this table.

Picking up my glass of wine, I sipped slowly and let my gaze fall on the other happily, in love couples having dinner around us. Their interactions didn't seem forced at all. The gleam of love in the men's eyes was real, and not just because of their woman's beauty. But, because of the love they shared. A love I desperately wanted to feel again.

"So, you're not going to answer me?" he huffed as I sat my glass down.

"I said thank you, Shawn. What more is there to say? You don't even look like you want to be here."

"But, I am here. And, I'm trying to show you that I love you still. I don't know why you're being so stubborn right now. It's Valentine's Day," he hissed and sat back in his seat.

And yesterday was February thirteenth. This day in my eyes was just like any other now. Regardless of the title.

"It took for today to come around for you to show me how much you love me?" I questioned with a chuckle.

"Thanks. I love you, too." I said sarcastically but somewhat meant it.

At some point in our marriage, I was happy. As happy as any woman would be marrying the man she was madly in love with. But, as the years passed us by, the pursuit of keeping me happy and keeping the spark in our marriage bright dwindled. I find myself angry and sad more than anything, and I hate the feeling.

"Do you really?" he asked minutes later.

"Do I what?"

"Love me? It used to feel like you did, but I don't know anymore. Your moods are always snappy, or you're always sad. I'm trying, but you have to fight too."

I fought every day, but he must have missed those battles. "Honestly?"

"Of course. I never want you to lie to me," he expressed and grabbed my hand as he leaned forward some.

"I do, but I'm not happy," I said in a clogged voice.

I wasn't going to cry. Not today. I had done enough crying over the years, and my tears had changed nothing.