Hetalia One-Shots (On Crack!!!1!!)

romano is teacher guy

"Shut the hell up you cold sausages" screeched Roman mans at the small crying children.

The children were traumatised by their teacher, but no one noticed because they were wearing happy face paint. Why were they wearing happy face paint? Maybe they were in a cult. A demonic cult, ooh spooky wooky. Romano was also covered in blood, scarves, and pasta sauce. Twas' an odd cult.

Romano was trying to be a good teacher. He swears he was. But that was an incredibly hard job for him, especially since Suzy stabbed Conner, and he had to be the one to explain to his parents why he wasn't around anymore. But he couldn't be mad at Suzy, not really. She had done what was necessary for the cult to survive. Conner was going to rat them out.

Somebody was monitoring the classroom to see if Romano was a good teacher or not. Romano wasn't sure whether to tell the man to leave because he wasn't, or to just let him believe what he wanted. The man was tall and and wore a Ronald McDonald outfit. When Romano told the man to take off the costume because it was scaring the children, he just stared at him for a long moment.

He finally said, "It's my life passion."

Romano knew how important it was to have a passion for something, so he just rolled with it. However, he didn't know how to draw the line and Suzy began to build up her own cult. Now Ethan was foaming at the mouth in the corner like a deranged lunatic and Joseph was raving about some sort of tentacle creature that he had seen during naptime.

"It wants to get in our skin!" He yoddeled.

Romano couldn't see why the creature would want to get in their skin. They were ugly, and he told them as much. Amanda started to cry, and Joseph tried comforting her by telling her that soon the tentacle creature would take all their worries away.

For most of the day, Romano had just been napping. Sometimes he read a good book, but it was very hard to focus because Carlos kept chasing people around the room with safety scissors. Now Romano wasn't an expert, but he knew it was good to let children express themselves so he allowed Suzy to express herself as a cult leader and for Carlos to express himself as a scissors-weilding maniac and possible future murderer.

The Ronald McDonald lookalike tried to tickle Romano with a feather. Romano was not a fan about this, so he chopped off his hand. He had no intention of giving Ronald back his hand, but the hand just grew back. He stared at Ronald, amazed and terrified.

"How can you do that?" He asked.

Ronald McDonald's eyes went black. He stared at Romano with a soulless gaze. The air between them turned cold as if the heat had been sucked out of it. When Ronald spoke again, his voice was so low it was nearly unnatural.

"It's because I'm strong." Ronald said. Then he disappeared in a rain of feathers, glitter, and vomit.

Romano wasn't sure if that person was real, or a hallucination created by Suzy's weird punch that she had brought to share. He eyed a cup of that punch that was sitting on his desk.

He asked Suzy what was in it, and she began convulsing. The cup of punch started to boil, bubbling over the rim and onto his desk. Then Suzy stopped convulsing and just smiled and shrugged.

"A bunch of things." She said mysteriously. "One of the things I remember is Jullianna's mushrooms."

"I got them from my yard!" Julianna piped up helpfully. "They were growing out of a dead deer!"

Romano blinked. He wasn't sure whether to be proud or worried. He wasn't sure he was feeling much of anything. The cup of punch was still boiling on his desk and it started to melt through the wood.

"Why's it doing that?" He said. Suzy just smiled innocently.

"Its growing," she whispered.

Julianna asked, "What will it grow into?"

Connor's corpse stood up and began talking. "Bitch why you kill me" he said casually to Suzy. "Also, mommy's coming home."

Romano (if he were a normal person) would have run. But Romano hadn't had a full night's sleep since age nine, and was kind of craving death so he felt no fear in front of this abomination.

"Is this mommy of yours going to be picking you up?" he asked. Connor stared even longer, not comprehending, so Romano elaborated. "Is your mother going to be taking you home?"

Connor grabbed Julianna and started do the salsa with her. Romano was impressed judging that these were legit 5 year olds. Before Julianna could yelp in surprise, Connor collapsed onto the floor again.

The punch began to grow and it eventually touched the ceiling. Then it shrunk down just a bit, and tentacles started appearing, wiping the bubbles off from itself. Who owned these tentacles? I'm glad you asked. It was Bella Swan from Twilight.

"I'm just an average girl." She whispered.

The words made Romano's stomach churn. His ears began to hurt and bled. But it wasn't blood. It was glitter glue. How did that get in there? he wondered.

"I couldn't have you bleed actual blood. Eduard gets weird around blood." Bella said.

"Who's Edward? And weird how?" Romano responded.

Bella did not say anything. Her eyes just went pure white.

"I'm so plain." Bella whispered, tentacles swirling behind her. "I have brown hair, brown eyes, and was born in a small town."

The classroom lights flicked off and the air grew colder. When the class lights came back on, the class was gone. Romano was gone. Bella Swan from Twilight was also gone.

At that very moment Sam and Dean Winchester burst in, kicking down the door.

"Where did everyone go??" Sam asked out loud.

Dean sniffed the air with a sniffity sniff. "Sammy, I smell..."

"...an average girl...."