Hetalia One-Shots (On Crack!!!1!!)

... ur a Vampire 🧛‍♂️😟

It was a day like any other. Special agents Romano and Poland were on a high stakes mission. What was the mission you might ask? Well, they were tasked with a most DANGEROUS mission 😳: stalking the Romania, the brooding, sexy vampire who was the known rival of their boss, Edward Cullen.

Edward Collen was known to be a very successful and hunky vampire. He had won Bella's heart, thus winning against the werevolves or something. He and Bella also had a daughter, but he suspected that Bella had cheated on him with the Chucky doll ever since the abomination crawled out from the womb, so he wouldn't really consider her much of an accomplishment.

However, despite seemingly having it all, Edward still felt as though he still did not have enough. so when he caught wind of this vampire, Romania, he knew he would have to do everything he could to prevent Romania from becoming the next vampire heart throb. Even though Edward physically hadn't aged, he was still going through something that was best compared to a middle-aged has-been's midlife crisis.

So, he hired Romano and Poland to work for him. Although they were not the smartest duo, they were the most skilled to hire, since neither of them seemed to have any hobbies other than being all up in other people's business.

Wanting to protect his reputation, Edward sent the agents over to Romania's castle to spy. He just had to know Romania's beauty secrets and skin care routine, since Romania always looked flawlessly decomposed. But, more importantly, he wanted dirt on Romania. As Romano and Poland pulled up to Romania's crib, they saw a bat fluttering around in the sky.

Oh no! they simultaneously thought. It's Romania!

They ducked inside the bushes, hiding from the winged creature as it dove inside an open window.

" DAMMIT BULGARIA I TOLD YOU TO CALL THE EXTERMINATORS LOOK AT ALL THESE FCKN BATS" a voice shrieked from inside the castle. The bat quickly exited, shrieking fearfully.

That bat was not Romania, then. They sighed in relief as another voice piped up, most likely Bulgaria's.

"But Romania... you're a vampire... you can turn into a bat yourself." He sounded perplexed.

"Yeah, and?! This is my house, not their's! Besides, do you think werewolves just invite stray dogs into their house? Do YOU tolerate other random humans coming into your home?? No, they don't,and you wanna know why? BECAUSE THAT'S TRESSPASSING, YOU STINKBRAIN!!!"

Agent Romano and Poland heard Bulgaria audibly scoff, but he did not continue to argue with the vampire. A wise choice, it would seem. How scary was this vampire that even Edward Cullen didn't come to spy himself?

Romania went on to discuss what sounded like a seige against the Cullens. When he was finished discussing the attack, Bulgaria cheered for his boss like a suck up.

Poland quickly whipped out his hot pink barbie flip phone and relayed all the info they heard to Edward Cullen's Nokia since Edward said to send notes on everything they hear to him. However... instead of paying attention to relevant information, he fixated on Romania trying to get rid of the bats.

Moments later, Edward teleported to their coordinates like he was on creative mode in minecraft. Before the agents eyes, he magic girl transformed into Batman.

He barged into Romania's castle: "The bats are our sworn brothers! How dare you treat them in such a way, you foul scum! In the name of the bat, I shall punish you!" he beats up Romania kawaii anime girl style and that's how he got his MOJO back as most heartthrob vampire in all the land.