His Heart's Desire

41

Alice

Walking into the school I felt anxious. I could only hope Brodie wasn't after me.

And to make matters worse I swear everyone was looking at me. And whispering.

Nick kept telling me it was no big deal and would reassure me with a small kiss.

Walking up to my locker Gen and Tracy were already there like usual.

"Hey, guys," I tell them and the conversation they were having before I got here immediately seizes. Tracy looks like a deer caught in headlights and Gen looks nervous.

"What?" I laugh awkwardly as I put in my combo. Tracy glances at Nick then looks back at Gen.

Gen leans in and whispers in my ear. "Is it true?"

I pull away from her and raise an eyebrow in question.

"Is what true?" I say looking at Nick whose eyebrows are furrowed from what he heard.

I feel his hand go to my back protectively.

"Shhh!" Tracy shushes and Nelson walks up with the same look Gen had on earlier.

"Alice, did that really happen?" Nelson says with wide eyes.

"What happened? Can someone tell me please!" I say quite loudly feeling my nerves build up.

Tracy and Gen look at each other confused. "You... don't know do you?" They say and I shake my head no.

"Let's go somewhere private. We can tell her somewhere quieter." Nelson suggests pushing up his glasses and grabbing Gen's hand.

We all nod and carefully leave the hall we're people are still whispering and giving me rude glances.

~~

Walking into the empty library Tracy guides us to the top floor.

"Ok, can someone please tell me what's happening?" I say what's been on my mind for minutes now.

"You used to steal for your father?" Gen asks confused.

My heart drops to my stomach.

"W-what." I stammer as my breathing picks up. "How do you know that?" I demand standing up quickly but I feel a warm hand grip my waist. I feel myself being pulled back against Nick's strong chest and I immediately relax.

"Woah calm down. Brodie was telling everyone you're a thief or something like that but obviously, we didn't believe that. We're your friends." Nelson says raising his hands in defense.

I take in a deep breath and feel Nick rubbing circles on my back to comfort me.

"Is it true...? Look, you don't have to tell us but you haven't told us anything about yourself since you came here," Tracy says bluntly and Gen smacks her on the arm.

"Imbecile. She doesn't have to tell us anything." Gen says to Tracy.

"But I love gossip," Tracy whines and we all scold her. She puts her hands up in surrender.

"Look, guys. I'll just make it short and quick." I say with my shaky voice.

I open my mouth to start but feel a breath against my ear.

"You don't have to." Nick whispers and I lean into him.

I look up at him and whisper back. "I want to."

He gives me and encouraging half-smile. I feel his lips on my cheek and his mouth is back to my ear.

"I'll still love you." He reassures in a low tone and I feel my eyes water. I quickly blink and clear my throat.

It takes me a minute to start but when I do I know I can trust them.

"I'm going to sound direct but my mother died when I was 11. She fell into burning oil at a campsite and I watched as her skin came off-" I start but stop, taking in a deep breath. "I'm sorry that was... gross," I say quickly when I see the look on Tracy's face.

She notices I'm looking at her and her eyes widen. "It's okay I asked for it. Continue I support you." She says quickly and I watch as her knee starts to bounce.

"Uhm... I never really knew my mother before that happened. Believe me, I loved her a lot regardless. She was my mother. She was never home and when she would come home at night she'd lay with me in my bed because I was always awake waiting for her. But after her accident when we were camping and she passed away a few days later from the burns. I didn't realize how much I needed her to fall asleep at night." I sigh and I feel Nick pull my back closer to his chest.

"After my mother died my dad started showing up more and taking initiative. He'd cook for me and keep the house clean. He'd take me to therapy. He'd be there when I came home from school. But then I found out he was unemployed. And it just made me wonder how we were getting the stuff with no money. By the time I was 14, my dad would send me into stores and have me steal him cigars or whatever else he wanted because I was a minor. He'd tell me it was okay because I couldn't go to prison. He made believe it was okay. His stealing soon became laundering of money and tobacco. He'd also steal cars too. One day I told my teacher what was going on at home and the next night police showed up on my front porch and arrested my dad. He screamed at me for being a horrible daughter and a liar. A good for nothing and to go die, As they dragged him away in handcuffs. I was always afraid of sleeping at night scared that he'd come back. My anxiety got worse. Then I was sent to live with my grandparents. They were very old and after a few years of living with them, they passed away too. My grandma was the only one who loved me. That's what it felt like anyway. Then I was sent to be with aunt Jessie and Brodie. And the rest I think you all know." I finish with a sigh and plop down into the chair under me.

It's so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"What." I snap anxiously when no one says anything.

Suddenly I feel Tracy's small arms wrapping around me. And then Gens.

"I'm sorry." It is all Tracy whispers and I feel tears in my eyes.

They care.

Nick places a warm kiss to my hair and I lean my head on his shoulder.

"We're here for you, Alice," Nelson says nicely and Gen nods with him.

"Thanks, you guys." I smile softly.

They really care.