Poems collection -Self harm (trigger warning)

Plague for Perfection

I'm meant to be that perfect girl,

A stars all around,

I'm supposed to be the perfect girl,

On squad for every sport.

If I'm not that perfect girl,

Always smiling, always laughing,

Then who am I?

I'm not who my parents want,

I'm not who my parents think.

I lie on my bed slowly,

Tears staining my pillow,

They don't want me like this,

They don't love me like this,

They can't see me like this.

Blades in sawing motion,

A bottomless pit of chaos,

Cover the scars, cover the tears,

Chest out, fake smile, shoulders up,

Back into the world.

Back to pretending,

That I'm that perfect girl,

Listening to other's pain,

Do you think I can't feel it too?

I'm calling out, but there's no reply.

I'm meant to be that perfect girl,

No faults or misbehaviour,

But my mistakes are causing bruises,

I'm not good enough for you.

I eat too much you say?

43 kilos too much for you?

I'll try my best for you then,

To starve to perfection.

Up on the roof of floor 10,

I'm sorry I failed my task,

You only wanted me perfect,

But that I couldn't be.

I'l jump down to the road now,

The wind against my soul,

Gravity is on our side,

You did say, you wanted me dead.

If perfection cannot be achieved,

You asked of only one more thing

From me which was to die.

Goodbye my friends,

Goodbye my foes,

In another life,

We may meet,

By then I willl be,

Pefect.

I will win the battle

For perfection.

I will be cured

From imperfection.

20/9/14