DAZED

Chapter Twenty Five

B I L L I E

Finneas and I have been cleaning up around Diana's apartment today. Luna has had to move out temporarily due to Ana's memory loss. It sounds selfish but I didn't want this to be temporary, I get another chance with her. Also, she isn't going through the pain that I put her through. The happiness I felt when she was kind to me, I never thought I'd feel that again from her. Her crying was on a loop in my head. Her speech towards Finneas hit my core. I knew I had broken her for the last time but, seeing her and hearing her, very different.

My heart was pounding just knowing Diana was here. I needed to see her. It felt like hell having her hate me. I did it to myself. Tears fall from my eyes I sit upon my bed and grip the pencil in my hand tightly before writing on my wall, I miss her so fucking much I'm so fucking stupid. I hear some yelling which worried me so I get up and quietly make my way to the hallway.

"You don't get it, Billie destroyed me. I gave her all I could. She was my everything, I tried to make her happy. I fucking did everything! But I wasn't enough! Do you know how it feels to try your fucking best and not be enough?! How it feels to not only be heartbroken but fucking scarred?! Or how it feels to see what you think is the love of your life fucking some other girl?! To just mean so fucking little?!"

I didn't know... because she always made me feel special like I mattered. She would never hurt me, but I didn't think twice about hurting her more than once. I didn't deserve her. I knew I didn't, maybe that's why I did what I did.

"I was played with, stabbed fucking literally, betrayed, and made a fool of. Also, my best friend knew! But didn't tell me just let me continue after like a fucking idiot! Then I have to feel like part of me is dead, gone while she goes on living loving peacefully. Take that necklace and shove it up your ass Finneas." I put my head down in shame feeling tears prick my eyes. I slowly look up feeling someone there. It was her, she looked beautiful, so beautiful. As always. Even with tears in her eyes and the pain over shining everything

"I'm-" I try to start but she cuts me off with a look of sadness and anger.

"Sorry? You're sorry?" She finished for me, I nod my head. I just wanted to touch her, even her hand. I slowly try to reach for her hand but she continues. "Fuck your sorry" she states and walks away from me. I look at my left hand halfway towards hers. I'm so stupid.

"Bil, you alright?" I look at Finn and give him a small nod. He walks over to me and places his hand on my shoulder. "She'll be okay,"

"She is going to hate me again soon" I spoke softly embarrassed because I brought it onto myself.

"Billie, you know what you did. Diana was in so much pain. Look at the positive if you truly love her then you would see maybe this is good for her. A mental break from all the pain she's been feeling."

"It isn't Finn. What about when her memory comes back? What then? All that pain, that I caused, comes flooding back hitting her all at once." I argue back, I couldn't let myself enjoy this and be happy that for right now she doesn't hate me. But I couldn't for the exact reason I had to say 'for right now'.

"Billie. You did this to yourself. It's time to face your consequences. But if there's anything I know it's that Diana is the most forgiving person we know. Maybe one day. But you need to understand what you did. Maybe then you'll find the right words not just, I'm sorry." I nod my head and look at the time on my phone.

"Go pick her up I'm going to order food and feed Petunia and Peaches."

"Okay." I grab my keys and make my way out of the garage.

There were what looked like hundreds of paparazzi outside the hospital. I forgot that Diana was also on the rise of fame, she didn't even know it. There's another negative. Or not. When I pull into the garage I let my head fall onto the steering wheel which has a fucking horn that I completely forgot about. My phone buzzes and I see it's SC.

SC
Hey, babe what's up?

Me
Knock knock

SC
Whos there ;)

Me
Disco

SC
Disco who?

Me
This number has been disconnected.

I quickly blocked her number and chuckled lightly at my joke. What I felt for Sabrina wasn't real or even romantic. She was good in bed, I'll admit it. But not once did she ever make me feel like my girl did. Admitting my feelings for me has always been difficult, I opened myself up once to someone only to be completely destroyed.

The person I trusted, who I thought would never hurt me or could ever, did. With no hesitation. So it's a bit hard for me to say how I feel because of the tremendous amount of fear I have got. It doesn't give me the right I know it doesn't, nothing does but I'm not cruel. I have a heart. Also, until Diana, I didn't think I could ever see myself with a woman. Maybe making out, getting head, but never be in a relationship with one. Yet here I am, hopelessly in love. I get out of my car and look towards the door I need to go through only to have her come out in a wheelchair. I quickly rush to her side and thank the nurse who kept the door open.

"Hey, sweetheart" she greets me with the sweetest smile. I haven't seen that beautiful smile for so long. I was just going to try to enjoy this as much as I can. Like Finneas said. So I replied as softly as I could with a big grin on my face because she makes me so fucking happy.

"Hey, mama" This love sappy shit, really fucking up my vibe. She grabs a hold of my shirt pulling me down and placing a tender kiss on my lips.

Shit, maybe I could get used to it. For now.

I'm sorry for the slow update but as said before I only update when a chapter reaches 10 votes. Thank you for all the feedback and support lemme know what you wanna see or suggestions. Thank you all for the love. Stay safe.

#BLM