DAZED

Chapter Nineteen

this chapter is dedicated to Querennnn for all the love they give to me and my story. thank you so much, love! ILOVEYOUUU.

B I L L I E

I love Diana. I do. Was I scared shitless all the fucking time? Yes. Today I was going to do "media". As soon as I saw her walk inside the gym, Finneas turned the music down and just stared me down.

"What the fuck are you staring me down for?"I try to joke and let out a fake laugh. He stares at me blankly.

"Why did you lie?" He simply asked continuing to stare at me with what I could tell what disappointment. To be honest? Why did I lie? I'm just scared.

"I'm scared. She's great. I love her. I do. B-but I don't know! I don't know how to do this. I know I love her but am I in love with her? I think so. I don't know what to do Finn." I admitted to him, all he does is let out a deep sigh.

"Billie. I will never bring down how you feel. But this shit? It's totally fucked up. You don't know how you feel? Figure it the fuck out before hurting a poor girl going through enough shit." He says a bit coldly before continuing to drive now. "What are you even going to do today?"

"There's a party the twins are throwing to celebrate Brandon's new single." Finneas just lets out a bitter laugh, I knew he was pissed at me. I felt like shit. What is wrong with me?

"You mean the twins who talked shit about you while you were on tour and are huge clout chasers? Do you mean Brandon, your first love, your ex-boyfriend who took almost a year for you to actually get over?" Once more he says it coldly while pulling into our driveway.

"Finneas. I need your help. Not your criticism." I reply now harshly.

"No Billie. Look- You are literally my reason for being. I love you more than life itself, but what you're doing. It is not in any way okay. This is a real relationship Bil. You communicate. If something isn't right you talk about it. You don't lie, go to parties with toxic people and your ex-boyfriend." I knew he was saying all the right things. But I was still scared and I knew it'd scare Diana. She had enough to deal with. So, I was going to this party. I needed something that didn't involve her. I didn't reply to him, what would I say? I can't lie to Finn. At least not good. We both walk in and see my mom in the kitchen; preparing a little snack which was some carrots with hummus. She smiles sweetly and opens her mouth to talk but I just head to my room. I didn't feel like talking anymore.

Zoe
hiiii bil just making sure you're okay? love you.

Zoe. My best friend, along with Drew but ever since Diana I haven't really spoken to them lately. Which sucks.

Me
Hey, zo. I'm ok. Going to the twins' party later if u wanna come?

Zoe
I'd love to see you! Pick you up at 9?

Me
Yuuup

I felt better knowing I was going to see Zoe soon. I wasn't going to tell her about my relationship. Who needs to know? Nobody. Another buzz comes from my phone and the smile on my face dulls slightly at the message.

Diana
hey baby, just got out of the gym. that mf was tough af lol anyway miss you xx I know media is tough but see you tmr. xx.

I know it's fucked up to do but I didn't reply. I love her. So why was I like this? It just confused me. I decided to sleep a little before this party and shit.

Once I woke up it was 7:30 pm so it was a long-ass nap. After getting up and picking out an outfit I step into the shower, Diana was always on my mind. To be honest, it got fucking annoying. Once I showered and got dressed it actually was around 9, and Zoe would be texting me any minute now. I looked good, my hair in two messy buns, oversized neon green graffiti fit.

Zoe
Heyy I'm outside.

Knew it. I listen out my door to see if Finneas is out there which he isn't. Or so I thought. As soon as I got downstairs to the kitchen. There he was, with dad sorting through records. He looked over and nodded his head slightly. Just as my hand turned the doorknob I felt his hand on my shoulder.

"Bil. Be safe. And don't do this to her. You're going to regret it."

"Look Finneas. Last time I checked. She's MY girl. See you later." I slam the door and jog out Zoe's car, Finneas was annoying the fuck out of me. I instantly smile at her and Zoe gives me a tight hug before driving off.

"You look good." She compliments me.

"Thanks, Zo. Where's your boyfriend?" I ask looking in the back seat to see it empty.

"Oh, he's with his family. So are you going to be okay? Brandon is going to be here Bil." She says softly and I let out a deep breath.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," I respond cooly I didn't want to speak about him anymore. She nods pursing her lips understanding completely.

"Remember Sabrina?" She tries to change the subject and smiles at me.

"Claudio? Of course what the fuck. So hot." Sabrina Claudio. Oh my fuck.

"She's gonna be there too." She smirks at me and I just laugh it off. This is what I needed. Sadly, my phone buzzes.

Finn Finn
If you are going to ignore Diana's existence maybe just tell her you're going to bed or something. Cause you know, she's worried about you. Asking if you had a tough day. If she should surprise you.

I bite my lip and feel guilt rise in my stomach. No. I'm enjoying this night. I need a night with my friends. No drama. Zoe parks and we both walk out towards the Twins place. She opens the door first and music is playing; people's dancing. Nice. Immediately I see him, Brandon. Laughing and sitting on the couch. The reason we broke up was that he wasn't ready to commit. After 6 months. He finally said. 'Billie I cant do this no more.' That shit hurt. The first person I really felt love with. His eyes finally meet my own and his smile falls. He stands up slowly; swatting away the hands that reached out to him and walked to me. Where did Zoe go? Before I even know it I'm in his embrace. I wanted to push this motherfucker off but his scent was back and i didn't let go.

This was going to end badly.

"Oh fuck." I groan loudly holding my head and looking around. Where the fuck am I? Okay, my bed. My head was pounding the last thing I remember was arriving. I feel my phone in my pocket and see it's the next day, already 9 am. 1 text from Diana, 2 texts from SC, 1 text from Brandon and 1 text from Zoe. Oh fuck.

Diana
hi baby, I hope all is well x I'm gonna see my sister later today. um, hope to see you? if ur busy I get it. love u xx

I bite my lip and continue scrolling through the messages.

SC
heyyyyy it's sabrina last night was very very fun. ;) can't wait for part 2
[image]

What the fuck. It's her nude. Fuck she's hot but- tears fill my eyes- no I fucking couldn't have. My hands now shaking I go on.

Brandon
hey nice catching up to you. hang out soon?

Fuck you.

Zoe
welllllll im sorry about what tf just happened LMFAO

Tears were down my face and I was shaking. i don't even drink. What the fuck happened last night?

this chapter is a mess!! i have so much planned for this baby so fr get TF READY. please please do vote i don't usually update if it's dry af like my hair. MYHAIRISDEADAF. off topic but like yeah. please vote and/or comment.

like fr tho. prepare yourself it's pretty fucking crazy lol also new cover yeaaaaaah boiiiii