DAZED

Chapter Twenty Two

Diana is on the right

About five months, that's how long it's been since everything went down in June. It is November now. I tried to not keep up with what's going on in her life - I really did. But I failed. She was growing and growing with love from all around the world. Also Finneas. Finneas is my best friend and he will be for all time. He is her brother so it's quite impossible to avoid her. Did she get 6 Grammy nominations right? I have been working out with Landon 2 days a week, then another two days are my classes for college, after that with my free time I'm writing songs with Finneas. Maia moved out and in with her mother, she is in therapy. We haven't spoken since. Luna moved in with me, I couldn't be happier with my living situation. My song had reached number 1! I got super drunk that night which started a string of hookups. Speaking of,

"Call me?" She asks putting her purse back on with a hopeful smile. I just fake one back while opening the door.

"Hi, there!" Luna perks from behind, this bitch. I'm going to kill her.

"I'll call you Carmen," I say slightly pushing her out the door. She turns back with hurt written all over her face.

"It's Clarissa..." oh my god. I close the door and say goodbye which actually me saying

"Yeah okay, whatever." I turn to face Luna who had a mean face on. "Mean face is on what did I do now?" I ask walking to the kitchen to get some tea.

"Um, what didn't you do honestly? Literally 7 girls 7 days a week! All different! And you're a bitch to all of them. Look babe you're my twin and my best friend. I love you, but because Billie broke your heart doesn't mean you can go around breaking everyone else's." My head snaps in her direction at the mention of Billie.

"Billie is a backstabbing bitch. She did break my heart. But she made me realize why should we care about other people's feelings? You only get hurt. So why not do the hurting?" I raise my voice at her biting my tongue hard so the oncoming tears don't ever reach their destination.

"What about the Billie you fell in love with?" She asks me, I couldn't remember the Billie I fell in love with. It was all blocked with how she played me with no regard for my feelings, how she broke my fucking heart.

"I don't remember" I spat out. I bet I was a game. I wouldn't doubt it. This was really putting a fucking downer on our celebration night. I just take a deep breath and walk away but I feel her hand on my wrist turning me around. In her hand was my CD. The one Billie gave to me. Our first date. I haven't cried about Billie in months. Mostly because I don't think about her. I threw that out.

"Don't! Please baby! I'm so fucking sorry!" Billie cried trying to stop me, I was sobbing while packing her shit up in a garbage bag. Her hands trying the pry my arms opens, I shove her off me and continue throwing shit in the bag. The moans and picture never leaving my mind. I scream at her

"How could you!"

I look up at Luna with tears in my eyes my throat clenching up.

"Why are you doing this to me? I hate Billie Eilish!" I choke out trying to not cry. I snatch the CD from her hand and fold it before tossing it behind me. Before she can continue to bother me I storm off to my room. I look at the clock on my nightstand, two hours until the party. Great, I slept with Carmen/Clarissa last night and this morning. I guess it took most of my day. I step into the shower and try to wash off the night before along with this morning. Once I finished my outfit was hung up in my closet, a red latex dress it was hot. I liked it. I slip into the dress as if it was that easy but whatever. While trying, keyword trying, to sit on the bed I try to put my red Louboutins my gift from Lorraine. That took all about 10 ten minutes after that was my hair which I only curled. I didn't do much makeup so red lipstick, mascara, and some highlighter would do. Once I had finished that, I looked into the mirror and wow, I looked great. Definitely going to hook up with some bitch tonight. As soon as I step out of my room so does Luna. What the-