S A R A

Ch 21

21

I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes, the car was no longer moving.

"Are we here?" I asked groggily.

It was raining. It never rains in California. I squinted through the window and realized that this wasn't my house. But the light outside of whichever house this was looked familiar.

"This is the address you gave me, no?" Driver was definitely Italian.

"Do you mind turning the headlights on, brighter?" I opened the door and shit. Either this was some kind of sick joke, or I gave Haden's address to the driver. Why is it I can't seem to ever fully get rid of him. When I don't think of him consciously, he still seems to be there subconsciously.

I was about to turn back to get into the cab, but it was too late, the front door opened.

It only took him a split second before recognition hit his eyes. Haden.

"Are you insane?" He asks through the rain.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I was shaking from the rain in the cold.

"Jesus. Are you here alone?"

"Yea, just the...cab." I point over my shoulder. Then I came closer to him and leaning in, whispered "I have no cash," I was so out of it, whatever it was supposed to be.

Haden exhaled, disapprovingly. "Get inside."

He came out, as I came in, reaching for his wallet out of his back pocket. He ran to the cab and paid.

The hallway by the door was poorly lit. At this point, I'm not sure if I was shivering from the cold or from seeing Haden again after all this time. Possibly both.

He got in behind me. I turned around to face him. We were close and I had to look up slightly to see his eyes.

"It has been a long couple of months. I was way too scared to tell you what I want. I'm sorry."

"No, don't even try to apologize anymore," I began.

But I knew had such concern for the fragility of it all, plain in my eyes. And him, gorgeous as always. Perfect in everything he is. A literal work of art.

We lingered there for a moment. My brain registered his scent and the familiarity of it all just about broke me.

"I'll run you a bath, you must be freezing," he looked me up and down. I was scared of what he was thinking, after all this time.

He walked around me, and I followed him only with my eyes, standing there for a moment longer.

I looked around, at that stupid patterned floor that Rand was convinced was an original work of art, but it makes no sense to me. I let myself take it in.

How long was this episode going to last? I thought to myself.

I still can't fully comprehend why I came to him like this, though a part of me feels that subconsciously this was always my destination. It's like I was always secretly plotting this, only in denial to myself.

"You coming?" I heard him say around the hall, hearing the water begin to run in the bathroom.

I wasn't sure how this was all going to work out, but I prayed that the worst was over. I sure hoped so, at least.

"Yes," I said in a whisper, more to myself than in response.

I walked through the painfully modern chic house, having flashbacks to my first time here at his birthday party.