My soldier

Chapter 18

Jasmine’s POV

The next morning

The light is coming from the window and wakes me up from my wonderful dream. I was dreaming about ocean blue eyes…

Wait why am I in my bedroom? I should be with Rafael at the moment, so why am I here? I jump out of my bed, completely forgetting about my morning sickness. That’s why I’m running to the bathroom and throwing up the next moment. I hate the morning sickness. When I’m done, I go down to the guestroom and open the door. I’m about to jump on the bed, when I see that the bed is made like nobody slept here. Perhaps he slept in the living room. I go to the kitchen, because my baby here just really wants something to eat. My whole family is sitting at the table. “morning mom. Morning dad. And good morning my big bro.” I smile at them. They all look at me shocked and then smile happily at me. “a very good morning to you too darling. What do you want to have for breakfast?” mom asks me. “oh. Whatever your having is fine.” I sit with them. I wonder why everyone is eating without Rafael. Perhaps he had to go and do some work. We all eat breakfast and then my parents say bye because they have to work today. “Nate what are you doing today?” I ask him. “I wanted to go and see if the other want to do something with me. but if your alone and want to spend the day with me I can stay. “ I look at him. I can see that he really wanted to see his friends. “no its ok, I’ll ask Isabelle to accompany me.” I tell him. And then I cant just wait anymore and ask him: “Nate where did Rafael go. Did he tell you when he’s going to back?” he looks at me confused “Who is Rafael? And how do you know him? Is he some friend of school?” it’s me now who is confused. Didn’t Rafael tell them his name? I can see that my brother isn’t lying to me. “Oh. Yes he’s  a friend from school. He should have come over to give me some things.” I lie to him. He nods and tells me that he’s going and that I should call him if something happens.

I lock the door and sit in the living room. Did I really just dream everything about meeting Rafael? I mean have I really gone that psycho? I could have sworn that yesterday was real. That realisation breaks all happiness in me and I go in my room and cant stop the tears which build up in my eyes. I don’t know how long I cry when suddenly the doorbell rings. I go down, perhaps Nate forgot his keys again. I go to the door and want to open when suddenly the thought comes in my mind that it could be my rapist or some other asshole. I look through the hole and see nobody at all. Strange I really thought the bell rung.  I’m just about to go back to my room when the doorbell rings again. I go to the door as quiet as possible. When I look through the hole again. I see a few flowers in front of the door. I look for any person nearby, but cant see anyone. I open the door slowly and step out. suddenly someone does his/her hand on my eyes. “hello look I’ll shout for help if you don’t let me away. And I can tell you, you wont have a chance against all my neighbours.” I warn the person. The only thing that happens is that the person chuckles behind me. “ok fine. Isabelle even trough I can say that this are hand of a man. The only men I know are dad? Nate? Oh god I don’t know.” I cant think about anyone else. But then I have an idea. “ok fine. I have one suggestion left. Can it be that your name is Rumpelstilzchen the little devil in the story about the girl, who can make gold out of straw?” the person behind me starts to laugh. And takes his/her hands away. I turn around and cant believe my eyes. The person behind me is Rafael himself. “wow can you please pinch me? I think I’m dreaming again. You know what don’t pinch me, this dream is just too good. It cant be true anyway. I don’t want t be sad again, when I wake up and you aren’t there anymore.” I tell him and want to go back in the house, when suddenly he takes my hand in his and then pinches me in the arm. “Aauu!! What the hell are you doing?” I ask him. “just proofing to you that this isn’t a dream and  yesterday wasn’t one either.” I look at him shocked. “you mean, I just made a fool out of me in front of you?” I hide my blushing face with my hands. “oh god that so embarrassing now.” I talk to myself. “you know angel, I’m here with you. and I think you really look cute when you blush.” He touches my checks with his fingers. “so what do you think about going in your house and talk there. I don’t think you want all your neighbours to know about what we’re talking.” And that’s when I really notice that HE was here. In my house! I take him in our living room. ”And do you want anything to drink?” I ask him. He looks at me and smiles: “have you had breakfast yet, angel?” “yes. And you? if you want I can make you something.” I tell him. “no angel I had breakfast. I was just worried for you. and what were you doing, just before I came?” he asks. I look at him for a while. “I was just thinking about yesterday and what happened” I tell him the truth. ”you can sit down if you want to. Make yourself at home.” And I go to the kitchen and start making one coffee. And take one glass with milk. The doctor told me, that I shouldn’t drink coffee anymore. I look behind me and see that Rafael is still standing there. “and just out of curiosity, why did you come here? And how did you bring me home without meeting my family.” I ask him. “oh I did come here, you to check on you and to be sure that you’re safe and ok. And the answer to your second question: I met your family yesterday.” I look at him confused. “but when I asked my brother where you were. He asked me, who is Rafael?” now I’m really confused. Rafael on the other side, starts laughing. “oh angel. Your family doesn’t know my name.” and he tells me how he brought me home yesterday and what happened. “you know angel. Your family is really under stress. They didn’t sleep well for the last few days or weeks. I think it has something to do with your pregnancy.” “I think I know why. The last few weeks have been real hell for me and I behaved really bad with them. I cant do anything about it. My morning sickness started and  I lost all courage. I went to the field every day after school to cry my heart out, so that I didn’t have to cry in front of them. I never cried in front of them, but I didn’t really laugh either. It was really hard for me. I didn’t wanted them to worry to much. So became one ice queen  in front of my family and friends. I know it wasn’t the best thing to do, but I didn’t want my family to see me break down. So I hided it.” I look at him. The coffee is ready and I take the coffee and the glass of milk to the kitchen table and sit down. Rafael comes to me and takes the chair in front of me. “you know angel. I’m not here to let you feel guilty. I just want you to know, that its hard for your family too.” He takes my hands in his. “angel I’m here to tell you that I’m here for you. whenever you have a problem or need someone to talk, I’m here. Do you understand?” he looks me in the eyes and waits for my answer. I can see that he really means everything he’s saying. But I don’t understand, why. “why are doing this for me? you don’t even know me! but you’re so kind to me. what are you getting out of this? I really hope, that my family or Isabelle doesn’t have anything to do with this! And if you’re a therapist, you can go now, because I really don’t need one. ” he lets go of my hands and breaths out loud. “angel I’m not here because of anyone.  Look angel I’ll tell you the whole truth, but don’t be shocked, understand?” I nod and I try to be ready for the worst.

“Angel the first time I saw you, the only thing I saw was pure perfection. I wanted to know you better. But before I even could ask you for your number, this stupid teacher came in the way. And you were gone.” He makes a break and takes my hands in his again. “I wanted to meet you again so I searched for you in your school. But you all had holidays, so I went back. I always looked for you on each street. But I couldn’t find you. yesterday when I saw you  that broken, I couldn’t believe it. I just saw you a few weeks ago and so much happened to you. You weren’t the happy, always smiling girl anymore. you were completely broken.  I really don’t know why, but I cant just let you go again. That’s why I’ll check on you every day now. do you understand. I want to see you happy again. I want to see you smiling again. I wont give up, until you are the happy smiling girl again.” I cant stop myself I start to cry, but this time this are happy tears. When he finishes I run to him and give him a big hug. And he hugs me back. I don’t know how long we hugged each other, but I feel so happy. “you know what. I think I should tell you my story too.” I tell him and look at him while I’m still sitting on his lap. He nods. “you know, when we visited the army, I didn’t want to go. But when we got there I somehow felt exited. And when I look around I met your ocean blue eyes. I was just lost in them. I was shocked, because I have never felt like that. That’s why I didn’t want to be alone with you. You know I’m that girl that’s waiting for her Mr Perfect. I never got involved in any relationship, because it never was the feeling that I was hoping for so  long. It always where guys, who just wanted one thing from me. and that was sex. But with you… I don’t know what you have, but you have the power to let me feel special. When all that happened, one thing that hurt me the most was the fact, that exactly on that day I really wanted to start to get to know a guy the first time. I wanted to get to know you. I thought that you could be that Mr Perfect. I know that will shock you. But the feelings I had with you, where the feeling I wanted to have with my Mr Perfect.” I make a break to look at him.

“but after all what happened to me. I couldn’t just go to you and start to get to know you. what if I fell in love with you and when you found out about my pregnancy, you left me? and I couldn’t tell you the truth from the beginning, because I feared, what your reaction would be. So I just stayed at home and went to school.

My life is just going on, because I have a child growing in me. A little innocent life. My child cant anything about the fact, that its father is an asshole. And that it’s a child out of a rape.” I touch my stomach. “you don’t have to stay here, just because I told you all this. I just wanted to be honest with you. But it would be nice if I had you in my life. As a friend or more. That’s in your hand. But one thing before you decide. I’m not one of these easy girls, if you want more then friendship you’ll have to be patient with me and you’ll have to handle my pregnancy moods.” I laugh. And look at him closely. “if you don’t want anything to do with me and my child, you can go too. I’m not pressuring you for anything. I wont be angry or make suicide because of it. You don’t have to fear or feel guilty for anything.” I don’t have anything to say anymore. so I stay quiet. “I’ll just make something to eat, I’m starving. You can have all the time you need.” I cant look at him. I stand up and go to the fridge and take some ingredients out to make pasta. After about 5 minutes Rafael comes to me. But stayed quiet. I’m so worried and excited about his answer, but I try to behave normal. I really don’t want him to feel pressured or make a decision out of pity. “Jasmine? Can you please stop. I want to tell you my decision face to face.” I stop to pretend to doing something. And go to him and sit down. “ok. What is your decision?” ……