My soldier

Chapter 14

Jasmine’s POV

The next few days went away without any problems. I saw a few times my classmates look at me strangely, but I cant change that. If I were in their position I would probably look like that too. Isabelle gave me an hour speech, about how I could ever think, that she would let me alone in such a situation. And I had to promise her, that I would always share my problems with her, but everything is ok now.

Its Friday morning today and I’m on my way to school, when suddenly I feel uneasy. Nate is talking to me but I cant hear him. After a few moments everything is ok again. “Jasmine are you ok?” Nate asks me from the driving seat. “Yeah I’m ok. Just an uneasy feeling.” Nate looks at me with sympathy. We arrive in front of the school, where Isabelle is waiting already. Since Monday Belle behaves more like an older sister, than my best friend. I talked to her about it, but she just told me that it were my pregnancy hormones. And made a joke out of it. I think my big bro here told her to have an eye on me. Sometimes I could really kill him, but I know, that he is very worried about me. He doesn’t show it to me, but he is my brother and I know him very well. Even through he’s 25 now. I love him. It must have hit him hard, that all this happened to me, but he cant do anything about it.

I give him a kiss on his check and say bye. When I climb out of the car, the uneasy feeling comes back and I have to hold the door to not fall on the ground. “ooouuu Jas easy there. You don’t want to get hurt, do you?” Belle laughs and helps me. “It’s ok now. thank you” I tell her and wave bye to my bro. We go in the school building and to our classrooms. We have English in the first lection. So half the lection flies away without a problem. But after 30 minutes the uneasy feeling comes again, but stronger. I try to concentrate on the blackboard, but its very difficult. After 5 more minutes I cant take it anymore and run out of the classroom to the next bathroom. There I run to the first toilet and vomit my whole breakfast. When I finish, I don’t have any straight left in me and I fall to the floor. I cant stop the tears and start to cry uncontrollably. I don’t hear when Isabelle comes in and hugs me. I cant hear or see anything. I cry my heart out. The whole courage in me vanishes and I look like broken peace of glass. I cant take it anymore. I really tried to not let the whole rape incident effect me, but I cant take it anymore. Why did this man have to rape me. NEVER in my life, did I play with the heart of other people. I was never the girl, who slept around. I wanted to find my Mr Perfect to build up my life with him. I only ever wanted one thing in my life that was true love. Couldn’t I even have this happiness in my life?? I want my old life back! I want my virginity back. I waited my whole life. Even through all my friends lost their virginity in high school, and laugh at my imagination to find Mr Perfect, BUT I waited! I waited. Why god, why me?? Especially then when I thought that I found him. That was the first time that I felt like this. Rafael… I really thought that he was my Mr Perfect, even through he seemed a little bit of a playboy. He is a nice boy. Just thinking about him brings that hurting in my heart back. I wanted to spend my life with him and now  I wont have him, and nor will I have any other man in my life. I can see my future in front of me. A alone woman with a child. I think I should give my child away for adoption. If I cant take care of me, how do I want to look after a baby. BUT I cant give my child to a stranger. I couldn’t live if I don’t know how my child is. What if the foster family abuses my child?? NO!! No that wont happen. I’m such a bad mother if I even think about giving my child away. There must be another solution?? There has to be one…

I just cant stop crying. I don’t think, that I really want to anymore. My life has been ruined, but I have to live. If not for me, then for my family and mostly for my child. I look at my flat stomach. Today is the first time, that I have a real proof, that I really am pregnant and all this happened to me and I’m already loosing all my control! I have to go through 7 more months. And they will be bound with a lot of pain and worry….