Inside My Head - A Collection Of Me

Log #682-linda

Log #682-linda, written by L.S (Lucifer Martinez Ricardo Silverhand).

"Her hair was brown and pulled up on both sided of her head into uneven pigtails*.
She had brown or maybe they're hazel eyes, and one of her front teeth was missing she seemed to be about 6 years old**, And paranoid.
(*pigtails that needed to be fixed.
** 5 and a half, after further research )
Her name was Linda.
Case requires further research. "

I see a small figure in front of me, a young girl if you will.
"What's your name?"
I asked the little girl.
she looked at me as if she was scared of me or maybe of something,
Behind me?
Yet when I Turned around there was nothing there.
I felt a tug at my shirt, "yes?" I look down at the frightened girl.
" Mister? do you know my mommy?" she says in a hushed voice but with genuine concern.
I wasn't sure how to answer, I just stared at her with a blank expression. "Mommy said to get in the car. " she whispered then looked behind her and pointed at the blank white wall, she panicked, "where is the car?! Mommy said get in the car!" she screamed out, whining while she ran over to the wall and started smacking it with her palms as you would to your forehead after a discussion with some of my colleagues.
I walked over and crouched down next to her,
"I don't know your mom."
Maybe that was a bit harsh?
I should try a kinder approach.
"What's your name kid? we can look for her together."
stupid! What's wrong with me?! It's no use, I can't believe I just said that even though I know deep down inside that she didn't have a real mother.

After quite a lot of walking and getting to know the little girl she asks about the white room.

well, when someone shows up here, they are part of the life of someone else, part of the life of a girl that is the Mind-space.It's very hard to accept at first but she might as well learn from a young age. How do I explain this to a child?

" The Mind space is a sanctuary for post traumatic memories people can't accept or can't remember. The memories are given a human embodiment and or at least a humane one and in some cases not even that.
sometimes these manifestations, fragments of a "main" personality front , slip, fall through to the outside world in a form of a personality of the host in case the host cant handle the situation because of traumatic events in the past. "

I tried explaining but she just started at me with big brown, questioning eyes.
Maybe she didn't know what humane meant.

"My name is Lucifer or Luca for short and I am the first bad memory. the trauma was too much to handle so she made me, a product of her subconscious mind to remember the trauma for her, and handle it for her as well." the child looks like she understood but that also may have been her way of telling me to quiet down.

that made me think, even if I had my own thoughts, my own gender, my own feelings, I wasn't real to anyone except the people in the mind-space. too bad , the world is missing out on a great man.

I cut free from my thoughts and looked back down at the girl, she seemed worried." What happened?" I asked trying to seem concerned when in reality her uneven pigtails were still bothering me.
The girl snapped out of her trance then looked at me with eagerness,
"I'm Linda. and I need to find Mommy with the gray skirt, because Mommy has my velociraptor. And his name is broccoli and the car will be down."
I was stunned, shocked to say the least.
This girl, she had a small voice and trouble pronouncing "th" (like in the) and "s" (like in sands.)
she would pronounce "th" like in 'through' instead of "th" like in 'the' , and would also pronounce "th" like in 'thief' instead of "s" like in 'sound' at times.
It was a major annoyance.

Wait did she say a velociraptor?!
those have been extinct for millions of years! Does she even know? Should I say something?

"uh mr. lucifer?" She asks as she pulls on my shirt, again .
"Luca, you can call me Luca."
She smiled a 'missing tooth' smile and says
"Mr. Luca we need to find Mommy with the gray skirt to warn her that I don't like water that the car will be down and the water will be in and broccoli doesn't fall off the bridge."

It took me a good few minutes to understand what she was trying to say. to be honest I didn't care about it at first, it was a puzzle that needed to be sorted so that I could continue with my day.
After a few minor difficulties and some miss communications I finally figured out how to translate what she was saying:
'We need to find mommy, she has a gray skirt, we need to warn her that I will drown in the car after it falls off the bridge and water gets in it, while my velociraptor named broccoli was left behind.'
While I tried to analyze the little girls speech patterns, why she kept looking around smiling at plain walls, getting scared of thin air, and talking nonsense at times, for my own amusement, i came across a heartbreaking discovery:
she probably has some form of schizophrenia.
She wasn't scared of me, She was scared of the things she saw, she couldn't keep a sentence and would misplace words or add new words that don't belong into the already existing sentence, and with that, above all she was convinced she had a pet Velociraptor named broccoli.

Its not even noon , I haven't had a drink yet, but I can already tell this is going to be a long day.