Literature of Love

(1) Tussled Against Memories

Elnora

It's Friday night and I decided to come and visit the nearest bar in my apartment. It's my first time here alone because I am usually with my coworkers. Work has been exhausting. I need to do some edits for my manuscript, but I can't focus on doing it so. That's why I need to do something to divert my attention since writing didn't make it. The memory of what happened earlier keeps on crawling back into my mind and it tingles my inside, yet not in a good way. It unleashes the beast I tried to cage a long time ago.

"One bottle of red champagne please, thank you." I said to the bartender as my mind wanders again.

I went here to forget about it or so I thought. Who am I kidding? It's not something I could ever forget. I will always remember the embarrassment I felt during that incident. It will forever haunt me, mainly because it brings back memories that shouldn't be brought.

"We have a new drink, Madamé. Our newest red champagne, Blood Love." The handsome bartender muttered as he flashes a flirty smile at me.

Trying to not roll my eyes I gave him a short nod. Boys. No, not again. I've had enough today. I don't need another headache for tonight. I said to myself as I remain to have a stoic expression on my face. I used to give a big smile, but after what happened in my life. I choose to detach myself from people. Funny how circumstances change a person, even though you swear that you will never be that kind of person. Life has its way of laughing at you.

"Just give me a red champagne or whatever you called that drink," I grunted, not heeding him much attention because I got so much on my plate right now.

Seems like he got what I meant. And so he cleared his throat and get back to his business.

How many times do I have to push people away for my so-called self-preservation? I am so tired of being alone, but I find it so hard to trust someone. I've been hurt a lot by my past relationships, I don't think I'll be able to find someone who will understand. I've been fooled so many times by my relatives. I am just glad that I'm living all alone now. No judgment by the people whom I thought my family. I guess leaving my hometown is the best decision I made for myself so far.

And then my mind went back to Carl— my boss who confessed to me earlier. He exerted a lot of effort in preparing a surprise for me, but it doesn't end up well. He's a good guy, but he's not my type and so I need to turn him down in his freaking proposal in front of all the workers in that company. And now, I think I need to resign and find a new job.

I groaned in frustration. Where on earth can I find a job better than what I've already had? And Americans don't dwell too much on the past, right? Tomorrow, they will forget about it. I hope so.

Why do people need to fall in love though? I mused to myself discreetly because I think that's what made people long for someone or something that they cannot have.

I drink directly from the bottle of champagne and later on roamed my eyes around the place. People were having a fun night. And I can't help to think that people who party the most are probably the loneliest people living alive.

I moaned when I tasted the liquor. It's a mixture of strawberries and something more. It burns through my throat and it makes me feel hot all of a sudden. I regret drinking, it made my head pound so hard.

Damn. Am I already drunk? It's just a small amount of liquor, but I'm not really a hard drinker so it's pretty understandable.

What am I thinking?