Literature of Love

(8) Tangled Attachment

"Elly? How are you feeling?" It's Ryia, her voice was filled with worry and uncertainty.

I open my eyes and everyone tried to go and help me sit up.

"What happened?" I question as I held my head, feeling the pounding from the sudden opening of my eyes.

Lisa was the one who answered me, "You passed out..."

"Are you okay now?" Carter asked me again while guiding me to sit up properly. His touch warms me, but there's something I can't pinpoint with everything that has happened.

I scan the place that I am in and I can see that I'm in my place's living room. So why is Carter here? Am I thinking too much? Imaging things, that is.

"What..." I trailed off as I tried to recollect my thoughts on what just happened.

I remember talking to my friends before I passed out. Opening up about my past still affects me, it turns out that I haven't really moved on from it. But then going back, I didn't remember having Carter inside the apartment.

When did he arrive?

It seems like they understand why I fell silent so Carter explained himself.

"I was on my way home and decided to come and visit you. You're hyperventilating when I arrived. Do you remember?"

I shook my head in answer, "Well. Umm. This is awkward."

"Definitely is!" Ryia exclaimed, and they all laugh trying to cast away the awkwardness.

Carter didn't seem to mind though, he was just looking at me like he wanted to say something, but can't really voice it out.

"I'm sorry, you have to witness that." My eyes darted to my friends, silently telling them to leave Carter and me for a second.

"Umm, let's prepare dinner. Shall we? Carter? You're going to stay..." Martin halted then his eyes move from me to Carter then back at me again to confirm, "for dinner?" He grimaced when he saw my expression.

And it seems like Carter also noticed it, because his face suddenly becomes unreadable, "No, thank you. I have an early flight tomorrow. Can I have a moment with you?"

I nod my head and I saw my friends silently going to the kitchen, hopefully, to cook and not to eavesdrop.

"You don't like the idea of having me here, do you?" Carter asked with such straightforwardness.

I didn't hesitate to answer him, not minding what will he think of me after this. Although his presence is very much appreciated, I can't shake off the feeling of awkwardness and disappointment.

"Yes."

I never want him to see me like this. To pity me. I don't want him to see me as someone who's fragile like glass. I don't like people treating me softly for my expense.

"Alright. I'll leave."

Nodding my head, "Yes, please."

His movement caused me to be still. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he pulled me for a hug. "I'm going back to Washington tomorrow. It's my Dad's birthday, I'll be staying there for a week, maybe."

The only sound I can hear is my heartbeat, which is beating so fast and loudly. I'm afraid he will hear the loud thump from my insides.

"I'm sorry," he whispered softly, caressing my back. "I should have given you notice about my arrival. I was hoping to surprise you and asked you out for dinner before I go."

"Don't you think you're being too close?" I pointed out when I can't take it anymore.

It's uncomfortable. Too good. Happens so fast.