Don't be sorry, Nat

Part 2

               Next I can tell, we're home. The car stops and I'm laying in the backseat. Then David is there, grabbing my hand to lead me out of the car. I nearly fall out of the car but he catches me.

"Where's the squad?" I ask as he's guiding me to the door.

"They're just going home tonight." He says quietly right in my ear.

"I want pizza."

"I will order us a pizza."

"Oh, look who's the assistant now." I laugh at my own joke but David doesn't. He struggles to unlock to door while supporting all my weight. I try to steady myself but just end up nearly falling flat on my back.

"It's ok, I got you." He finally opens the door and gets me to the couch. I slump back and he plops down next to me with a sigh.

"I feel like I didn't even drink that much! Did you get your footage?" I look down at myself and there's a rip in my tights. "How'd that happen? David what did you do to my tights?"

"You, uh fell, it's fine I'll get you new ones. Sorry." He's eyes are flitting all about my face, his brow creased.

"Where's the squad? We should order everyone pizza, I want pizza."

"What kind of pizza do you want?"

"Cheeeeeeese pleeeease." I grin and laugh but David doesn't. He hastily looks at his phone to order and sets it aside. "What time is it?"

"It's 2am."

"That's it? Why are we home already?!" When did we leave? We had to have only been there a couple hours.

"Natalie, I think- I think you were in a bad situation."

"What- oh, oh my God." Shane's face comes back to my mind but it's like trying to remember a dream. "I am the worst! How did I get this drunk?"

"I don't think you did." David says carefully. My brain is working hard trying to figure out what was happening.

"Did you order a pizza?"

"Yes."

"Ugh, great." I let my head fall back and rest it on David's shoulder.

"You're safe now, ok? You're safe with me." I pull back to look at him and he's teary eyed.

"What happened? Why are you sad?" I put my hands on either side of is face and he chuckles awkwardly.

"I just want you to know you're ok! Everything's ok."

"Ok." I slide back into the couch and close my eyes. Next thing I know the doorbell rings and I jump up.

"It's just the pizza, I got it." David serves me up a slice of cheese on a plate.

"Wow a plate, why so fancy?" David laughs as he takes a slice straight from the box. We eat the pizza and I slowly sink further and further into the cloud couch. Flashes of the night keep coming into my head and I went from feeling silly to feeling embarrassed, and scared. It's like my brain had entirely different pieces of the night together. Either I remember flirting with a guy, stumbling into the house demanding pizza or I remember his lips shoved against mine, groping me until David is suddenly there protecting me.

"Let me get you to bed." David wipes his hands on his jeans and stands up. I jump, I almost forgot he was there. I looked down and I only took two bites from the pizza.

"What time is it?"

"Almost 4."

"What? But we just got home." What time did he say it was then?

"Ok well, we're going to bed now." He reaches out his hand to help me up and I take it. He reaches for my waist as I make my way to my feet and I immediately fall into him.

"Oh, sorry." I try to stand straight up but just sort of wobble.

"Don't be sorry Nat." He guides me to my bed and sits me down. "Do you want pajamas?" He asks as he glances around. I don't answer but he keeps searching and finds the shorts and shirt I wore last night strewn on the floor. "Uh, can you put these on?"

I grab them from his hand and try to unzip my dress. "Help." I say pathetically. David sighs and gently unzips my dress. I don't hesitate or wait for him to leave before pulling it down to my hips. I grab for the shirt but come up with the shorts. I huff and reach again, grabbing the shirt. I try to find the front, to find the tag for the back, but it's like my hands aren't doing what I want them to. "Help." I say again.

David grabs the shirt from my hand and helps it over my head. He hesitates, looks at me, then reaches for the rest of my dress and as he kneels on the floor. I lift my hips and he pulls the dress and tights down to my feet. He obviously makes a deliberate effort to not come in contact with my skin. He slips off my heels and gets my shorts in place. I just watch him helplessly. I try to unclip my bra from the back but can't get my fingers around it. I huff and look to David. His face flushes bright red before coming around to my back, gently lifting my shirt just high enough and unhooking my bra from behind. I am able to maneuver it out from under my shirt and I toss it aside. He's so gentle and considerate, and it's so quiet in here, I can't help myself when I burst into laughter. David literally jumps which makes me laugh harder. He can't help himself and starts laughing too.

"What could possibly be so funny right now?" He asks, leaning back from me on the bed to get a better look at my face.

"I don't know." I manage between laughter.

"Ok crazy, get into bed." He gestures towards me and the bed. My laughter dies down and a pit settles in my chest. I get under the covers and I'm so tired but I'm also so uncomfortable. I'm anxious, I realize, and I rest my hand on my heart. "Goodnight Natalie." David says as he switches off the light.

"No!" It's totally dark now but I can see David's shadow stop. "Please stay."

"Like, sleep in here?"

"Yeah." My voice sounds so small.

"Ok, uh, hold on." He dashes out of the room. The anxiety builds, aching through my whole chest. My anxiety has always felt something like heart burn, like my heart and lungs are being restricted. I take a deep breath and try to close my eyes. The night keeps coming back just a few seconds at a time. And before I can dwell on any one thing for long, it's gone again.

David is suddenly back standing next to the bed.

"Natalie?" He whispers. I turn towards him and he slowly sits on the bed. "You still want me uhh-"

"Yes." I pat the spot between us and David finally slides under the covers. I curl into this side and he opens his arms to my head can rest on his chest. I wrap my arms tightly around his middle and try to calm my heart.

"Your heart is beating, like, super fast." David whispers and I nod. "You're safe, ok? Nothing is going to happen to you."

"Thanks." It doesn't take long for the night to catch up with me, for the warmth of David to calm me, and for me to pass out.