accompanied | billie eilish

26

a/n: i couldn't not make the 26th chapter of this book about the song 26 i mean come on

(itsbeautifulplslistentoit)

~~~

13 days until the lawsuit

aria

everything feels so strange.

being onstage and offstage and asleep and awake are all starting to feel the same. my blank periods are coming back, where i can be doing something and i'll just black out and wake up hours or even days later, in the middle of something completely distant, with no idea of how much time has passed at all.

i awake from one now, onstage in front of thousands of people. i have no idea what state we're in, what time it is or how far through the show we are; all i know is i'm in the middle of the process of sitting down on a stool with a mic stand and my teal acoustic guitar, and everyone is staring at me. that means it's my turn to speak.

"uhm." i rub my forehead, thinking quickly. "fuck the setlist. can we play 26 tonight? finn on the chords?" i ask hopefully, looking around. everyone shrugs.

"bil, will you sing this with me," i ask, holding my hand out to where she's sat on a stool right next to me.

she nods silently and places her mic back into its stand in front of her before clasping my hand in both of hers, her ocean eyes colourful with emotions i can't read.

"26 is a song that makes me hopeful," i say simply to the crowd, resting my guitar gently on the ground to clasp the microphone in both hands. shay counts us in with his drumsticks and finneas begins on the beautiful opening chords.

"man,
you really know
how to get someone
down,"

i begin to sing. i look over at billie and she nods, moving towards her microphone. the crowd is completely silent as the two of us begin to sing in unison.

"everything was fine
until you
came around
and i've been chasing after dreamers
in the clouds

after all,
wasn't i the one who said
to keep your feet on the ground?

man,
you really
brought me back down"

everything disappears. it's just us on the stage, singing and playing and swaying in time to this beautiful song.

"hold onto hope
if you got it
don't let it go
for nobody
they say dreaming is free,
but i wouldn't care
what it cost me

you got me tied up,
but i stay close to the window
and i talk to myself
about the places
that i used to go

i hope that someday
maybe i'll just float away
and forget
every cynical thing
you say

when you gonna hear me out?
man,
you really bring me down"

a repeat of the chorus and then we move onto the bridge. my and billie's voices work perfectly natural together.

"reality
will break your heart
survival
will not be the hardest part
it's keeping all your
hopes alive,
when all the rest of you
has died

so let it break your heart"

i hear my voice break a little, but i continue. nothing can stop me from finishing this song.

"hold onto hope
if you got it
don't let it go
for nobody
they say dreaming is free,
but i wouldn't care
what it cost me"

i begin to sway gently to the wordlessly pretty outro. this song usually moves me to tears, which is why we don't perform it, but today it's different.

as finn finishes the ending chords, the fans in front of us cheer wildly. it brings me back down to earth with a painful suddenness,

and i stare at everyone in front of us,

feeling everything and nothing.