accompanied | billie eilish

thirteen

"ariaaaa," a girl of around fourteen or fifteen sings, standing in a doorway. "someone's at the door for you."

"i don't wanna go out," says the girl's lookalike from across the room bluntly. "today isn't a going out day."

"yeah, but sam's here for you," says the first girl gently, moving towards the second. "and you always have a good time with sam. even i do. he's a laugh. go on, ri, it's about time you went outside."

the second girl sighs and stands up. "okay."

✦ ✦ ✦

aria

"who the fuck let sam have a nerf gun," i yell, thumping down the stairs into the kitchen as fast as my legs can take me.

finneas bursts out laughing, while shay leaps to his feet, looking alarmed. "what?"

"sam has a nerf gun," i repeat. "and someone needs to get it off him, now."

without another word shay races out of the room upstairs, following the sounds of sam's faint demented laughter.

"what's so bad about sam having a nerf gun?" billie asks from her seat at the table, through a mouthful of takis.

i blink.

"bitch have you even met sam?" says ashley, ruffling billie's hair as she passes.

"fair enough," bil concedes.

as much as sam annoys me, these past few days in the villa have been nice. this tour sam's been slowly turning into someone i don't know, who's bitter and irritable and unforgiving, but staying here has been like stepping right back into the days when we were teenagers with too much fame in our hands for our own good, uncertain how to face the world. i'd like to think we've grown since then, but with growth comes change, and maybe sam finally changing into an adult is just something i'm not ready for.

i wish everything could stay the same forever.

i'm snapped out of my thoughts as finneas speaks from behind me.
"who's up for a game of cluedo?" he asks, wrapping his arms around claudia.

everyone nods, and finn heads off to grab the cluedo board.

ashley's eyes meet mine.
"come play with us," she says gently. i nod reluctantly and head over to the table for what will inevitably be a session of me struggling to focus.

✦ ✦ ✦

billie

the day passes in a happy, relaxed blur.

we end up playing many board and card games, until late in the afternoon. then everyone wanders off to do their own thing for a while, and i find myself in my and aria's room, humming nonsensical tunes to myself as i sketch absently in my notebook.

i look up at the window and see how far the light has shifted since i last checked; now golden rays seep through the open window, colouring the pale carpet.

i stand up and walk towards the window, admiring the sunset, when i hear loud shifting above me that makes me frown. it goes on consistently for several minutes, and then stops suddenly.

could it be birds? i wonder as i lean out the window as far as i dare, and then look up.

"aria? what're you doing on the roof?" i ask in surprise.

"hi billie," she says dully. she sees me moving towards her and shifts aside to make space for me.

"why are you on the roof?" i repeat.

she shrugs. "i always come here when i need to
think. it's pretty, and no one from the ground can see me. and look, sunset," she says with a small smile, pointing at the sky which is glowing pink and orange and gold as the sun sinks down behind the trees.

"very pretty," i agree, pausing for a few moments to watch the birds in the pastel coloured sky above us. "but, are you okay? you don't look so great."

"what gave it away," she laughs bitterly. "i just have a lot going on in my head right now."

"wanna talk about it?" i offer, shifting to sit cross legged.

aria shrugs. "what is there to say? i feel like my whole world is falling apart and there's not really a lot i can do to stop it."

"talk to me," i say softly. without even thinking i catch one of her hands between both of my own, but she doesn't even seem to notice.

"fucking emotions, dude," she groans, running her free hand through her hair. "i... feel emotions very intensely on a regular basis, often for no reason. it's one of the reasons i got into music in the first place. because it helps me regulate my emotional cycles, and it's a healthy coping mechanism. but recently i've even been struggling with music and i don't know how to handle that."

"why?" i ask softly.

"honestly, i've been having problems with sa-" she catches herself, not finishing. "uh, i've been having problems with a specific thing," she backtracks hastily. "an insignificant thing. but also, because of how intense my emotions are all the time i'm a really intense person, and my siblings have been struggling a lot with that. and because i've not seen them in ages i forgot how difficult they find me." she groans. "everyone finds me so difficult. i find me difficult."

"i don't," i offer. "you're awesome dude, and- intensity is no bad thing. obviously there's stuff you're not telling me, and that's okay, but just know that everything will turn out okay. okay?"

she just nods and smiles sadly.
"thanks," she murmurs, not looking any less troubled than before as she climbs back through the window into our room, leaving me alone on the roof.

i stare out into the fading sunset, and think to myself for the first time that maybe i don't understand aria taylor at all.

~~~

i'm really unhappy w this chapter but whatever lmfao