EUDEMONIA;; ie orion.

18

angel (don't be scared, i'm here)

feat. bombarded nishikage (poor thing)

you slowed on your pace, staring up at the cloudy gray sky. you looked down and stuffed your hands into the warm pockets of your coat: “today was supposed to be a fun shopping day, why does it feel like it's gonna be so gloomy..?”

you stopped in front of the mall and looked down, shaking your head. ‘i don't feel like doing anything at all...’

you began walking wherever your feet brought you. you looked so dazed (and is actually dazed), nothing comes to your mind and nothing seems to snap you out of it, even when you kept bumping into people's shoulders.

it really was a gloomy day, just like you thought.

—

it was already raining heavily when you suddenly snapped out of your dazed state. you didn't know where you were, so you began to start walking again, trusting your feet to bring you somewhere familiar.

and you ended up settling in a park. the rain was pouring heavily, so the park was deserted (which actually made you feel better).

as if your leg muscles had stopped functioning, you suddenly dropped to the ground beside the swings. if you were in the right state of mind, you would have been vomiting now for sitting on the muddy ground but your mind was blank.

and that somewhat made you feel scared.

you curled yourself, hugging your knees closer to you and laying your head on top of it. trembling, you could only listen to the calming sound of the rain. it made blocked the silence, and it also masked the tears that began falling from your eyes (which you only noticed now).

“wha– why am i–” your voice made a crack, which made you cry harder (this happens to me a lot ;-;). “aah, stop crying..!” you wiped your tears and began to sob, “what the hell is wrong with me, suddenly crying like a child...” it took you a moment to realize that you were just  suddenly overcame with sadness. you didn't know where it came from, but you suddenly felt like crying.

‘i haven't cried this hard for years, have i...’ and then you thought, maybe today was the day the dam in you broke; resulting to a breakdown from all the hurt and frustrations you've been keeping to yourself for the past few years.

the insecurities and anxieties of being the manager who's supposed to comfort the boys and take care of them, the frustrations of being imperfect, the past that's been haunting you once again for the past few years, the fear of your loved ones being taken away from you– it all came crashing down on you at once.

blinking away the tears, you began to cry hard; so hard that it actually began to suffocate you. you took deep breaths and fished your phone out of your pants with trembling hands.

shaking, you dialed the number of the first person that came into mind through the tears and the rain on your phone screen. you brought your (really really wet) phone to your ears, hoping and hoping that he would pick up.

“hello?”

hearing his voice, your chest that was previously so tight that it became hard for you to breathe began to feel light.

“manager?” you stayed silent, only listening to his smooth voice. “y/n? are you there?” you nodded, even though you knew he couldn't see you. “y/n, are you okay?” you paused, suddenly feeling tears well up in your eyes, ‘f*ck you, i wouldn't call you while crying if i was.’