Sensitive Wolf

24.

Nathan

Restless.

That was how I felt even after I had let my wolf run for several hours at his hearts content. Something was wrong, had been wrong for quite some time, but I had not been able to figure out what it was.

I had never felt content with my life, because it had always felt like something very important was missing. Each time I thought I had my life figured out, a part inside of me demanded that it still could get better. But for the life of me I could not find out how.

I had a great childhood, my parents had made sure that I had everything I needed and even though I knew that they had adopted me they never made me feel like I was not their own. 

I had great friends, but more often than not I prefered to be alone, although my wolf yearned for company.

At first I thought my dissatisfication was connected to my career therefore I had switched jobs more often than other people. After high school I had joined the army, because as stupid as it sounded now, I had needed some action in my life. However, being bossed around by others had not sat well with my wolf and before he had done something I had certainly regretted later, like brutally ripping out the throat of the piece of shit commander, I had quit. 

After that I had tried joining the police, because hunting down the bad guys and making sure that the people in my town were safe had been something I enjoyed. However, the system did not always make sure that the bad guys were locked up, which had enraged me more times than I had wanted to admit. So I had quit again.

Now I was working for my brother in law's construction company and even though I had always enjoyed working with my hands and he was one of the few people who knew about me being a shifter and therefore made sure nobody bossed me around too much as it would just enrage my wolf, I was still not content with my life. Sure it gave me a purpose to get up each morning, but there was still something missing, I just knew there was more for me out there.

My sister, Naja, thought I needed a woman in my life. Just the thought made me shudder. I was definitely not a monk, but each time I tried dating it went horrible wrong. I instantly found something that annoyed me and this always made me incredible rude. Even just sleeping with a woman would leave me with a bitter taste. My wolf would growl in my mind each time I would accompany a woman home and would not speak to me for days after. It did not help that I felt even more hollow after I had slept with a woman and I also felt guilty, what for I had never found out. Due to all this negative emotions I felt after a one night stand I stopped having them. And I had to admit I was better but not great.

However, then I started dreaming about a blond goddess with eyes so blue I could lose myself in them. Her lips were spread into the most innocent smile and I yearned for the feeling of them on my own. She was lean, but had curves in all the right places making me harder than anyone had ever managed.
At first I thought it was just a coincidence, probably some model I had seen on TV or read about in some of Naja's magazines she had stacked in her hairdresser salon. I thought I was just horny and my subconscious was playing tricks on me with this gorgeous woman. But then the dream had happened more frequently and I caught myself and my wolf thinking about her as ours. The feelings from lust and passion had changed to a deep longing, need and as crzay as it sounded love. Was it possible to fall in love with someone in your dreams? I had never seen her laugh or heard her speak, but I just knew that her laugh would be infectious and that her voice would be like an angels. In my dreams she was always this sweet woman and I knew that she had to be this sweet in real life too.

I had no idea where I had seen her before, but I just could not create a person in my dream, so I had to have met her somewhere. I had searched for her everywhere in town, I even asked Naja about her, a big mistake as it had turned out, because now she showed me pictures of blond women with blue eyes every chance she got. I knew she just wanted me to be happy, but each time she would show me another woman and it turned out that it was not the woman from my dreams my hope in ever finding her shrank.