Sensitive Wolf

5.

WARNING: in this chapter suicide is mentioned

Silver.

The whip had been soaked in silver.

That was the unfamiliar smell I had scented in my father's office.

I whimpered while I changed the dressing on my back again.

No wonder I had only got three lashes. They burnt even more than ten lashes combined.

Once again I started to wonder how my parents, and especially my father, could be this cruel to their own child. My heart hurt just thinking about planning to punish my child and with a silver drenched whip no less.

My wolf had been on the edge of shifting, only feeling a small amount of my pain while not being in her true form. She had wanted to relieve me of my pain, just for a little while, but I did not want her to go through this torture too.

Once my wolf had been confident and had believed in her strength, however my parents and the pack had then started to criticise me and therefore her and that had taken a toll on her self-confidence.

My wolf then had not feel the urge to shift or run around freely anymore, when in the past the latter had been her favourite thing to do. She had begun to turn into herself and had stopped communicating with me. It was like she was depressed too.

However, I could understand her. Wolves were used to packs and being with other wolves, but in the Mercy pack nobody accepted us, so we had no form of social interaction with anyone other than my family.

Since I had started to talk with Dr. Clairence I could feel my wolf being closer to me yet again. However, I knew that the pain of the gashes on my pack would make my wolf feel bad all over again and I did not want her to leave me once more. She was all I had now.

So I had clenched my teeth and had endured the pain alone.

It had almost been a month and my injury still had not healed completely. It did not help that I had training sessions almost every day and was expected to participate every time.

I breathed through the pain, trying to tell myself that it had been a lot worse a month ago.

Once I had finished changing the dressing I put on a light sweater and headed towards the window, where the rays of sunshine shone on the wooden floor.

I opened the window and a gentle breeze blew through my long hair. Summer was almost here, I could smell it.

I closed my eyes and absorbed the heat of the sun.

A small smile formed on my lips and for the first time since my punishment I felt okay.

For the first week after my punishment my parents had not bothered with me. I had been alone in my room for a week trying to move as little as possible as every motion had hurt like hell. At night I had somehow managed to get downstairs and had cooked myself a meal. I had never seen anybody.

As depressing as it sounded, I was already used to nobody caring about me. I had never known anything different. Only through Dr. Clairence I realized that the way my parents had raised me and acted towards me was anything but normal.

Once Dr. Clairence had asked me if I had ever thought about comitting suicide and I had replied honestly - of course I had. The way she had understood my reasons for not wanting to be a burden, a nuisance and most importantly a disappointment anymore had shocked me.

However, then Dr. Clairence had asked me who would miss me if I were dead and my first thought had been Silas. I had imagined how devastated he would be and how he would want to revenge me. Silas would know that the reason suicide had been my only answer was because of them - my parents and the members of the Mercy pack. I could almost be sure that his wolf would take over and my parents would have to take him down. I could never put my brother through this.