What She Left Behind

Chapter 3

Down, down, down until she hits the ground.

Gasping, I wake up feeling my body drenched in sweat. Although I switch on the A/C and try to cuddle with my pillows, when I close my eyes, Hayley's disfigured, bloody shape is what stares at me, instead of the darkness.

Down, down, down until she hits the ground.

I jerk up again, breathing hard only to find my brother standing at the door.

'Hey.' I nod.

Joining me in the bed, he raises his hands, beckoning me to hug him, but I don't.

'I can see her everywhere.'

He remains silent.

'Why did she have to die, Naana?'

'She died because she wanted to.'

'But why? Why did she not think of me, Jess and Tina, Emma, her sister, and her parents? How could she leave us all behind? I miss her so much and I... wasn't I enough to keep her alive? Wasn't Emma enough?'

'Maybe Hayley never thought about how all you will be affected. Maybe she only thought about her situation in life and committed suicide, not taking into account the pain all of you would feel.'

'But Hayley was never,' I hiccup, 'selfish. She was always considerate.'

'Yet she did commit suicide, which is selfish.'

I bawl, 'I want her back.'

'I know you do so... think of it this way, okay? Hayley might not be physically alive but she can be alive in your heart.'

'How?'

'With the memories you have with her and, by what you remember her for.'

I shake my head. 'Since she committed suicide, I can't help but look back at every conversation and every chat we had, trying to find a deeper meaning behind her words. You know, I knew Hayley self-harmed, but I guess I never really wanted to accept that it could lead to suicide, until I found her cutting her skin the third time and then, I made her promise to never harm herself again except... she broke it.'

Naana hugs me.

'I kept calling her number hoping that she'd pick up.'

Naana just hugs me more tightly.

'I just want her back. Is that too much to ask?'

Under the dark sky later that night, stands a brother who wishes his little sister didn't see what she saw, and wishes he could help her, but he has no idea how.

Under the dark sky that night, lay a girl in bed, who witnessed her best friend die, questioning why she wasn't enough, what she had done wrong and if everything is truly real.

Under the dark sky that night, stands a young girl in her bedroom, barely ten years old, crying, missing her dear older sister.

Under the dark sky that night, two parents sit on the couch, blaming themselves for their  parenting, for the long hours they spend at work and for all the times they couldn't be with their oldest daughter. 

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Naana is a term of respect given to an older brother. The way it is pronounced is the exact way it is written :) That is, the 'a's are pronounced like the way 'u' is, in the word 'up'.