Potential for Darkness (Peter Pan)//(Robbie Kay)

61 ~ Mourning

Wow this chapter is so late

I'm pretty sure that you can all guess where I've been so I'll just spare all of us from repeating the same excuses over and over again

This chapter was super hard for me to write, I wasn't able to get to something that I liked so I kind of gave up on it for a while. I'm still not sure I like what I produced, but I felt really bad for keeping you waiting so long

TW : self harm

<<<Day 243>>>

Peter Pan had never wanted anything in his life that he couldn't stand losing.

He unfurled his aching, stiff limbs from the uncomfortable position he had adopted at the foot of his second in command's bed. The insides of his chest felt cold, the way one's skin feels after the warmth of a hand resting against it has been removed. He held his hand over his heart.

Something he couldn't stand losing... It had been a close call.

Outside, the sun had risen once again, indifferent, exactly the same as it had yesterday. Insolent. It did not care that, to the ruler of the island it so thoughtlessly shone onto, the world felt like it had ended and swallowed him whole. It did not care that, in a few hours' time, the entirety of Neverland would be plunged into despair and grief. It did not care. It would burn on.

Sunlight flooded his sight, yet his bleary eyes could only distinguish shadows.

Over the centuries, the demonic boy had favored magic as his preferred form of transportation. In the blink of an eye and without any encumbers, he was wherever he wished to be; his time was better spent elsewhere than in scenic hikes. Yet, not today. Today, he wished his trek would take him the rest of eternity, for there were very few things in this universe and the next that he would less rather do than arrive at his destination.

He did not want to face the aftereffects of his decision. He did not want to see that damned glade, the place where he had given up now two of his second in commands. He did not want to lay eyes on the place where she had screamed and begged, been mauled and torn to shreds. He did not want to confront the evidence of her pain; of how he had made her suffer. He did not want to find her bloodied and mangled corpse lying on the ground as some ordinary rag doll. He did not want to imagine how it all went down, if she had given up silently or if she had struggled until her last moment, cursing him with her dying breath. He did not want to witness the proof of her demise, he could not stomach the thought of her having left this world.

A world devoid of her...

What a desolate and miserable thought.

Pan's eyes burned. He told himself it was due to the morning's stinging wind.

She alone had understood him. She alone had known him. She alone had seen the world through the same lenses, she alone had shared in his euphoria. Pan had trouble keeping his breathing steady. The entire universe felt damningly lonely without her presence by his side.

Had this been a mistake?

The question stabbed through him, hurting worse than any weapon could.

Had he delayed her fate any longer, he suspected he would not have had the determination to go through with it. And yet... he wondered whether this fatal choice would be the one that would ultimately destroy him. Wretchedly, the question ran rampant in his mind; was it worth it in the end? He had strived endlessly towards his one goal; power, domination, triumphing against Hook, victory in this war. Yet this pain... His features spasmed, stretching into agony. It was unbearable. Indescribable. Perhaps... perhaps it would have been worth it.