Trial of the Times

Chapter 19 - Answers

Essentially, that's Obi-Wan's way of apologizing for keeping Anakin in the dark, but sorry won't fix what's broken. Anakin doesn't give his trust – or heart – out freely, and he expects the same in return. He can acknowledge that Obi-Wan made an error in judgement, but he can't go back to trusting him in the same way he did before, and maybe that's not necessarily a bad thing.

Sidious had begun corrupting their relationship; now Anakin can see all the signs. He would have stopped trusting Obi-Wan, even if this hadn't happened. In that way, maybe it was for the best. It might have damaged their relationship, but it's nothing that can't be fixed, and perhaps they can rebuild it even stronger this time. After all, they've spent years together. That can't be destroyed overnight, and Sidious never got that far. He never got the chance, and for that, Anakin is truly grateful.

He doesn't want to lose Obi-Wan. Ever. They complement each other. They're – They're a perfect match. Obi-Wan is rational where Anakin is impulsive. Obi-Wan is controlled where Anakin is emotional. The Force brought them together, and Anakin can't even imagine a life which doesn't have Obi-Wan in it. They're brothers, in the way the Force always meant them to be.

Anakin doesn't reply to Obi-Wan's statement, but he doesn't need to either. Obi-Wan knows that Anakin grasps his meaning. They don't always need to talk to understand one another. Years of companionship will do that.

"Dooku has been teaching me how to use emotions when fighting so they don't get out of control," Anakin comments, changing the subject.

"He thought he could succeed where I didn't?" inquires Obi-Wan with mild amusement.

Anakin rolls his eyes. "Perhaps," he concurs, "But I've understood that the Jedi suppress emotions. Dooku explained that emotions can't be ignored; they must be acknowledged first. That's what he worked with me on, and he taught me how to draw on the innate power of emotions when dueling."

"That's a Dark Side technique," remarks Obi-Wan, crossing his arms, eyes narrowing slightly.

"Yes and no," agrees Anakin slowly, "The Light Side is made up of just as many emotions as the Dark Side. Where the Dark Side embraces selfishness, the Light Side embraces love and compassion. That's what always confused me. If the Jedi are supposed to have compassion, how can they shun love?"

"I see your point," his brother nods slowly, "And what does Dooku say about that?"

"He says that the Jedi have deviated from their original purpose," explains Anakin, "Their fear of negative emotions has led them to hide from them instead of acknowledging them."

Obi-Wan seems thoughtful. "I felt you letting your anger against Sidious go," he remarks, "Dooku taught you that?"

"Not exactly," admits Anakin, "He only told me that I need to learn to accept what I'm feeling. Once I do, controlling my emotions is much easier."

"That... actually makes sense," muses Obi-Wan.

Anakin nods in agreement. "The most powerful emotion is love. That's why Jedi – true Jedi – will always defeat modern Sith in battle. They use their love for others to strengthen them."

"And it works?" Though his expression remains neutral, Anakin can sense a hint of underlying skepticism.

He smirks, "I've defeated Dooku in duels many times using it. It's not that I'm better – or more skilled – than him, it's just that –" Anakin trails off and shrugs slightly.

"You defeated Dooku? Alone?" Obi-Wan's voice has a note of pride mixed in with his surprise.

"I did," Anakin confirms, unabashedly.

Obi-Wan shakes his head, a fond smile appearing on his face for a moment. "Does anyone know you're alive?" he questions.

"Yes," confesses Anakin, tensing somewhat and looking away, "I told Ahsoka and Padme."

"Ahsoka never said anything to me," Obi-Wan informs him.

"I made her promise to keep it a secret," mutters Anakin, feeling slightly guilty now. He'd been hurt so much when he thought Obi-Wan was dead, and he doesn't like the thought of Obi-Wan having been hurt also. He hadn't even considered it until now.

"Anakin, look at me," Obi-Wan's voice is both firm and gentle at once. Anakin doesn't; he can't look at Obi-Wan right now. He's never wanted to look at him if he expects a scolding, and Obi-Wan knows that. As he'd expected, Obi-Wan reaches out a hand touching Anakin's chin, forcing him to meet his gaze.

"I'm not angry at you," he says simply, hand returning to his lap, "You thought I was dead, and you had no reason to give Ahsoka instructions about what to do if I wasn't." Well, that's true.

"I still wish you didn't have to think that," mutters Anakin, eyes briefly darting away.

"It already happened, so there's no use debating it," replies Obi-Wan not unkindly. A hint of humor enters his eyes. "I doubt Senator Amidala would have been any more forthcoming with that information?"

A faint smile hovers on Anakin's face, and he shakes his head. "I don't think Padme would have told you, although she might have if you'd asked." Mentioning her reminds Anakin that he wanted to tell Obi-Wan about their marriage. He plays with the idea, wondering how his brother would react to the news before brushing it away. He doesn't want to bring it up right now, especially not when his trust has already been badly shaken. No, it would probably be best to wait for a better time.