Onto That Dangerous World

Chapter 26

I don't know what pissed me off more right now, my feelings, the feelings that I thought I would never feel again? Or the fact that I had my hands on her and yet I couldn't let myself have her?

I thought drinking my problems away would help me, it would make me feel something other than regret. But my mind wandered to a dark place, a place I had closed off a long time ago, a place that brought with it too much pain, too much suffering. It's all her fault, it was all her fault, I thought, slumping my head down on the cold table. I made the mistake, I closed my eyes, I let my mind wander there.

~OTDW~

"Katrina," I called out. "Katrina."

She came running into the room, flushed and out of breath.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I didn't expect you home so early," she said, running into my arms. I picked her up as she wrapped her legs around me. I backed us up until her back hit the wall.

"Anthony," she moaned out. I haven't seen her in over a week, I felt like a sex starved maniac as I tore apart her shirt, seeing she had no bra on.

"I fucking love you," I spoke into her neck.

"I love you," she whispered back. "Please, Anthony, I need you."

"Anything, baby," I said, cupping her breast, bringing my head down and sucking one into my mouth. Her hands became forceful, threading her fingers through my hair, trying to push my head away from her.

"Please, Anthony, please stop," she cried.

"What the fuck, Katrina," I said, looking back at her, only it wasn't Katrina that was staring back at me. That this wasn't a dream, and I was wide awake.

"I'm not Katrina. Please, Anthony, stop."

My little lamb, fuck. Damn it. What the hell was wrong with me. I haven't done this...I haven't dreamt of Katrina in a very long time. I worked too damn hard to keep her out of my mind, the only woman I ever loved and she betrayed me. Was I still drunk from last night? Maybe, but what was she doing here in my room?

It was all her fault, It was Isabella's fault, she was bringing up these feelings in me, she was making me into something I was not...In to something I didn't want and couldn't be anymore. Never again.

She was the cause of my pain, my nightmares, the darkness that I let myself slip back into.

My little lamb stood there backed up against the wall with her shirt torn, crying and I fucking hated it. I couldn't look at her now because it awoke something in me, something deep.

I closed my eyes and backhanded her, the promise I had made to my brother long forgotten. Her face whipped to the side from the impact, and she stood there holding her cheek, not daring to move, she knew better than to disobey me.

"Was this your fucking plan all along?" I said, stalking her again. "Did you think it would work?" I yelled.

"Please, Anthony, I don't know what you're talking about," she cried. "I'm not Katrina," she repeated over and over, as her body slumped down the wall and onto the floor.

"You're no better than her. No, you're worse," I said, grabbing a fistfull of her hair, bringing her back up to her feet. There were so many things I wanted to do to her. I wanted to hurt her for bringing all this to the surface for me again. I wanted to destroy her. But...I wanted...I needed to…

"What the fuck are you doing?" Edwin yelled. He knocked me down to the ground and kicked me in the ribs. I groaned out as the pain hit me. I'm sure he broke a rib.

"Che cazzo ti ho detto," he said. He leaned over me and grabbed my head, punching me square in the jaw. I didn't fight back. I had no fight left in me.

I laid there for a long time in my own blood. Every mistake I had ever made flashed before my eyes. Every wrong I had ever done. Every time I had laid my hands on her. It was easy to blame her, because hate was easy, too easy and for a long time, it was the only thing I let myself feel, hate, anger, pain. Maybe if I had done things differently, maybe if I had seen it sooner, if I hadn't been blinded by so called love. Love, that one word that destroyed everything.

I closed my eyes and drifted into the unconsciousness here on the cold floor in my own blood.

~OTDW~

Things died down after that night. After I woke up, my brother beat the shit out of me once more until I passed out, but this time I fought back.

I didn't remember what I had done to make him pissed and I didn't care. He wanted a fight, I gave it to him. His body was every bit as fucked up as mine, but in the end he won and I hate to admit that.

Edwin had taken the little lamb out of the underground and put her in his apartment. James had returned and Garrett was also with her.

My brother had left, he said he had something to take care of. He didn't want to tell me what was going on. He and Rosaline had gone to see our father. Maybe our sister finally had a convincing enough case? Or maybe there was something else going on?

Today was a big day for another reason. Today was the day Isabella was would be laid to rest. In the end it was Heidi's body that made it into the coffin.

Dimitri, our cousin and the state coroner, well he covered that up for us, along with Detective Jacob, it was almost too easy to get away with this. But all the bases were covered.

But Isabella had to see this, she had to be there to see her family suffer, to see what my brother had caused, to see what he was truly capable of.

I didn't speak to her as we sat in the back of the car. Garrett and James were in front. Neither of them said a word. It was a deafening silence in the car and the tension was thick. Isabella sat on the opposite side of the car. It was as if she were trying to put as much distance between us as she could in the small space.

The car came to a stop. There were many other parked cars along the road, we would blend in without drawing any attention.

The first thing I noticed, Charles, the cause for all of this. He was bent over the closed coffin, Detective Neyer, attempting to comfort him. I smiled, enjoying witnessing his pain, a pain I knew I contributed to. Charles got what was coming to him. This was a payback worse than death. Charles didn't deserve the mercy of death. It was only unfortunate that his daughter had to pay a worse price than him, a daughter that by the end of this week would be my sister.

"Do you see that, little lamb," I said, pulling her out of her thoughts. She was staring straight ahead, and I doubted she had realized where we were.

She turned and looked out the window where I was pointing. She took her seatbelt off and leaned in for a closer look. Her eyes squinting together, realization probably dawned on her as she must recognize some of the faces.

"Who's funeral is this?" She asked, confused.

"Yours." I smiled.

"WHAT?" She yelled, close to my ear.

I put my hand on her thigh, gripping it hard. "Don't yell at me," I said, losing my calm.

"I'm not dead, Anthony," she whispered, continuing to stare ahead.

She was dead. She had died the moment my brother laid eyes on her.