A moment to notice

Part 13

This is gonna be short as fuck, sorry I just don't feel like anyone is reading my story, that's kind if why.

Ashton's P.O.V

I could say I was really happy. But it wouldn't be the truth really.

I love Calum, I love him so much and he is so nice and good to me. But I'm not as good to him.

He deserves better. Not a piece of trash like me. I can't even keep promises.

The bathroom floor was freezing as I felt salty tears continously leaving my eyes. Why? Why must I be such an idiot?

I want to lay here forever. I never want to feel again. I hate it. But I love it at the same time.

I hate my life.

But I love it as well.

I stare down at the new cuts that lined up next to the older ones. I had been clean for so long. I broke a promise. A promise I first made to Michael when I first got here. And a promise I made to Luke.

Luke...I like him. I like him more than I should be. Just...everything that has happened between the two of us just goes to show that I really don't deserve Calum.

"Ash? You in there? Come on out, we needa talk." I blinked as I heard Luke's distant sounding voice echo through the door. I stood up and unlocked the door, swinging it open and Luke walked in slowly. He glanced around before glancing at me, then down at my wrists. I tried being quick to hide them or mentiom something before he does, but I stopped myself when he looked me in the eye, tears slowly spilling out of them.

"Ashton...I-I thought you stopped..You promised you would never again..Why? Tell me why!" He yelled, shutting the door and locking it as his tears did not stop. I couldn't help but well up as well. Seeing Luke cry because of me broke my heart and made me feel so horrible. I stood up and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, shaking my head softly.

"I don't know, Lukey...I don't know. I just had a relapse. I-it happens..." I murmered, sighing softly as he calmed down.

"Okay..."

"But Luke...why did you start crying?"

Luke stayed silent for a minute, pulling back and soon pushing me against the bathroom sink, not hard, just softly and gently.

"Because I was scared. I was already scared when you locked yourself in here earlier..I thought you were feeling sick or something. But when I saw your arms, I just...I got scared. I thought we had made progress, Ash. I am really determined to have you stop cutting permanently."

I nodded lightly, leaning my forehead against his chest, trying to keep my composure.

I hate lying.

I hate lying to the people I love.

I think they deserve to know if its about them.

But I...

I just can't bring myself to tell Luke that even though I am in love with him, I love Calum.

Luke had managed to lift me up onto the counter of the sink, a soft smile on his face as well as mine.

Moments like this is what makes me hesitate because I wouldn't be able to have Luke hold me close. Or kiss me so sweetly. Or have him tell me encouraging, nice stuff that gets me through the rough days.

I really just want it all to stop but at the same time, I wouldn't be able to handle it if it really all did stop.

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"L-luke...we can't in a bathroom...The boys might knock on the door or something.." I whispered, trying to keep my voice down. Luke glanced to me as he was kissing down my chest, licking at one of my nipples slowly. I bit my lip hard, hands resting on his shoulders.

"How about...we get in the shower? If they hear the shower running, they won't bother to knock or whatever, Ash." Luke suggested, already stripping himself down to his boxers. I licked my lips slightly as I could notice his hard-on was outlined in his boxer-briefs. I shook off my own pants, hoping down from the sink as Luke turned the shower on.

"S-slippery, Ash?" Luke mumbled into my ear, holding my against him as he thrusted upward. I trembled slightly, trying to form a sentence but the hot water from the shower trailing down my back and his erratic thrusts was all to euphoric. I leaned forward, my right hand supporting me as Luke bent me over once again. He soon placed his own hand over mine leaned against the wall and groaned deeply.

"N-not really..Ah." I mumbled out, free hand pumping my length in time with Luke's thrusts.

Was this wrong?

Of course it was.

But why do I still do it?

I really do not know..

I love Calum. He is truly the best boyfriend. I could have never asked for a better one.

But, I am truly horrid. I cheat time after time and its with our best friend.

I dunno what to do though.

Aye, I did say this was gonna be short af. But whatever. Its 2am maybe and my mum is trying to get us to sleep, so I might crash after this lol. Like this? Its so short and rushed because I had to rewrite it so much because it wouldn't save correctly. FOB just came on shuffle,'literally my favourite song by them as well. Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday~ Okay, bye lol Vote, comment, add to library, follow me here and on Twitter @/ michrodick and tumblr, link in bio yay lol bye