The Sophomore Diaries.

2 Months.

Hello.

So today marks two months without Sidney. I can't believe two months have gone by so fast, it feels just like yesterday that my heart was being ripped from my chest and cut into very small and thin pieces. I wish Sidney was here with me, I miss her so much. But, she's not suffering anymore, suffering from cancer. I don't remember telling the story or not but here it is:

So about two years ago, the beginning of my 8th grade year in middle school (I'm in 10th grade now) one of my moms coworkers asked her if she could dogsit her dogs for a weekend that she was going out of town, and my mom said yes. That's where it all began, my infatuation with Sidney. My moms coworker had two dogs, Sidney and Sadie. After a few times of dog sitting it became a thing where we would watch the dogs, or come over for dinner and hang out since we were beginning to get closer to the owner and the dogs. Then after a year and a half of dog sitting the owner decided to give Sidney to me since I loved Sidney so much, so we got Sidney around the summertime of this year (2014) and it was so amazing having a dog, She would greet me in the afternoons when I came home from school, she comforted me when I was sad, she always ran into the frame while i was filming a video! She was always by my side. Sidney used to sit by the bathroom door while I used it and lay outside the door while I showered. I miss her.

I really do.

Then around late August before school started we noticed she was sick and not acting the same so we took her to the vet and they told us she had lymphoma.

I remember crying so much that day, I couldn't bare the thought of loosing Sidney after just a few months of having her as my own pet. Sidney wasn't an ordinary dog, she was different, special, incredibly smart and my best friend. Imagine loosing something that you've loved for a long time and just finally got the chance to have as your own. The vet said that we could have a few weeks with her, a few months, maybe a few years. They offered chemotherapy but we knew Sidney would suffer through that, so we waited it out. I remember one day being home alone with Sidney and telling her to try and hold on at least until my birthday, and that's just what she did.

On September 30th Sidney began showing signs of suffering, she lost control of her bowel movement and bladder, so she was peeing and pooping everywhere but she couldn't control that, and she was throwing up.
My mom decided that we should give it one more day to see if she gets better.
The next day, October 1st I was on the bus ride home, texting my mom and she had just told me that if today was like yesterday that she would have to take Sidney to be put to sleep because she was suffering badly. After I read that text, my chest for tighter and tighter and then I started crying hysterically, just balling my eyes out on the bus. I prayed and prayed that Sidney was better, that today wouldn't be like yesterday.

I got home that day and stopped in front of my house door, with my head lying on the door I prayed one last time and then I put the key in and slowly opened it. I noticed that Sidney didn't really greet me with the usual jumping and barking, she just sat at the top of the stairs. I walked up and then I saw it, there was more poop, pee, and vomit everywhere and that's when I knew this was my last day with Sidney, my knees got weak and I fell to the floor in pain, crying. Sidney ran to me, licking my face, scratching me with her paw so that I would pet her cause she knew I was sad. All I could do now was hold her and cry until my mom got home, I had an orchestra concert that day so I had to be ready before she got home.

Mom came home, I was red, and teary eyes but ready for my concert. She drove me to school with Sidney in the car and I remember petting Sidney and letting her lick my face for the last time, I didn't get much time with her in the car cause I had to go. I walked into the school cafeteria and the moment I saw my friend I couldn't help but cry. I cried so much that night, I didn't know if I would be fine to play, but I sucked it up and played.

That night my mom picked me up and we went home.

That's when things started to change.

Til this day is pains me, I had my heart broken by her death and I know it will take a while to fix. It will take the right person to come along and make me feel better. Make me feel like me again. A part of me left the moment Sidney did.

The death of a pet may not seem like a big deal but it was for me, a great deal and I was changed by it. Sidney meant so much to me and I'll never forget that.

RIP Sidney, I love you so much.

-N