The Secret Struggle

Back to Reality

I exhaled the smoke and then smashed my cigarette out on the ashtray. I sighed as I left my room and headed out, grabbing my backpack, to my car so that I could head to school. It was the start of my final semester. I was happy that it was about to be over, but nervous about how it was going to go.

I was half certain that I might be struck dead by God the second I walked through the door. I certainly hadn't been living the way that I was supposed to be for quite a while.

As I drove toward the school, my mind began to wander. How had I come so far away from God? Why had I taken the path that I had? I didn't know, but I still felt some sort of peace. I knew God certainly didn't hate me. I may have done some pretty bad shit, but I still trusted in God. I still looked to Him.

I swallowed before exiting my car and heading in. I was not ready to face this day, but I knew that I had to. I had to get it over with. This was my final semester, dammit! I was going to make the most of it. I was going to finish out strong and then get the hell away from the school after I had my degree.

I went to my first class of the day, Senior Apogee and took a seat. It was the class that everyone that was graduating had to take in their very last semester. It was sort of a secretive class and what happened in it wasn't supposed to be told to anyone else, so for the most part none of us really knew what we were to expect.

"Hey Promise, can I sit with you?" I looked up shocked out of my mind to see my old friend, Courtney, with a timid look on her face.

"Why?" It was the nicest thing that I could say. I wanted to tell her "hell no," but I didn't really feel like doing that. Something in me wouldn't allow me to be that rude and inconsiderate.

"I'm sorry. I was never a good friend to you and I regret that. I just want another chance." I looked into her rather pretty green eyes. I was searching to see if she was being truthful. What I found was that she was certainly hiding something.

"Why are you really doing this?" I stared at her and couldn't help but stare at her beautiful blonde hair. Damn, what has gotten into me? Why was I being attracted to her?

Courtney sat down next to me real quick before I could protest, and looked right into my eyes. She sighed before she spoke. "I've made a big mistake and now no one will accept me. I want to tell you, but I don't want you to reject me like all of them have. You're different than them promise."

"Hey, look Connor, the lesbian chick is sitting over there with the loser! I guess losers just like to sit together." The loud voice came from the other side of the room and I glared at the boy who had spoken it, Andre Gott.

Courtney quickly got up and pushed me back down after I'd gotten to my feet and was about to head over and beat the shit out of Andre.

She sighed. "I guess it's too late. I like girls." She got up and was about to leave, but I quickly pulled her back down and into the seat next to me.

"You're not going anywhere Courtney." I then leaned in and whispered in her ear. "We're friends now and we are going to learn to ignore the assholes like Andre. We deserve better."

I was surprised when Courtney didn't gasp at me saying "asshole." She had always been one of those girls who abhorred cussing.

To my surprise, she leaned in and whispered in my ear, "Trust me, I already have. I'm tired of the shit they give me, so I've just learned to ignore it. I know they aren't going to shut their damn mouths, so I just have to learn to shut my ears to what they're saying."

I pulled back and smiled at her. "Let's go to lunch. Maybe we can work things out."

She smiled back and then at that moment, the professor, Dr. Drake, walked into the room and class was starting.