A Romantic Vision

Fallen Woman

After a month,
There were no letter following mine,
I would grit my teeth in anger, why did I write to him.
A coward as he is has fled once he saw me approach him.
Timur won't abandon me, wouldn't love me for once but he won't leave me.

Days passed,
Timur came one day hurriedly,
" Raib, we gotta go, Mr Masi, he is sick"

I left all things as they were and we drove to the village. We reached before the sunset and before my father who coughed, I embraced,held his hands, he was warm but his first eyes were now more bright and he smiled beamingly. He took Timur closer to him and asked him "you're good to her, right? "

He looked inanimate yet there was a slight nod and we both were agreeably positive in acting.

When father dismissed us, we strolled together in the library, mother smiled at us.
She told me, she was worried about me but since I now call her in short intervals she is relieved that I am happy, also she adds "you two look so stunning as pair this time, it Sparks between you, you were always made for each other"

I inhale deeply clenching my fist at how drastically she has failed in reading us.
At the back of my mind, I pray that I don't run into Awan.

I stayed in my bedroom and I kept Timur close, I did not let him leave "we would go home together"

"you must stay with your father, he is ill, he needs you Raib" he rejects.

"no, I will return home and don't go anywhere, we should sleep together," I said, curled closer to him, this bed unlike the one in our house is smaller, so Timur's body in his length is aligned with mine, he gulps the shapes his throats makes beside me for a while seizes me, then he tries to close his eyes but he doesn't sleep.
I close my eyes but we so become the people we live with, so sleep has deleted away from me.

We both were hot all night, could not sleep, the new bed? The proximity? The lust?

I do not know.

When it was striking three in the clock, I turned to him, the sweats shining on his face, like little drops of Flavescent pearls. I dropped my head closer to him, I know he isn't sleeping, his iris moves under the flesh, I breathe, his nostrils flare, he opened his eyes, golden eyes, he instantly kissed me, I was alarmed by his sudden aggression but I stayed in place because one wrong move and I could lose him to the air.

The passion lasted for a moment and then he said he was sorry, I said don't be.

He moved on the floor and was now for real, asleep.

The next day,
We all looked like a happy family, well two people were happy that day amongst us.
Father could not stop his remarks on how happy he was to see me.

Mrs Kasheefa,
She was at first courteous then intimate,
"women over 25 have a hard time convincing, aged 30 is disastrous age for having children, you should have a child. It does not run in your family to be very fertile, see you are one sole child of your parents, your father one sole of his and so on it'll be so I guess, if only you can..."

I felt sick and had to throw up all the nice food that made a way through.
Timur was suddenly indifferent, he said he wanted to leave and if I wanted to go it would look like he was urging me to leave. That made no sense.

He was easily angry and left as I followed him to the car, both of us were arguing, loudly perhaps, then mother came behind the wheels.

"what is happening?" she caught Timurs arms.

He flinched and said "I have some work back in the city, Raib wants to stay"

"No...no I do not want to stay" I spoke unmindfully, might have sounded rude to her.

Timur slammed the car door and in fumes opened the gate for me to get inside.

I stayed watching my mothers fallen face.
I sighed "okay, you go...but get me by tomorrow, okay?"

He did not answer, he looked at mum and when she nodded he drove away.

I peeked with the corner of my eyes to the left, the other mansion. The lilies bright and beaming, no sound, sleeping in the bright afternoon.

"Does he behave like this often?" mother asked pulling away from there, she had a worrying expression on her face, her downcast eyes and grey hair almost coming forth with the question.

"No...oh no, he just could not sleep well last night" I rubbed my nose, I was trying to come up with some excuse that would fit this "his insomnia, you know how difficult he finds sleeping alone that the change of space really gets him"

She inspects me as if an officer inspects a drunk man, she hums and then walked to the kitchen, I follow her meekly convincing but I freeze and so does Awan when our gaze fell upon each other.

Mother takes a cookie from the tray and she sighs "if there is a problem in Your marriage you can always tell your father and I laraib.. You know that, right?"

I nodded looking at Awan who smiles to my mother distinctly.

"what women?" mother inquires the round lady, they were talking about a woman when we entered the room.

"The Kafthi, the woman on the west side of the village, she's a fallen woman"
She hissed.

"may lord forgive her" she chants in an almost fake accent like she feels bad for her but we all know what she feels. Mother lends no care for anything as she moves out with another cookie in her mouth.

" There's only one type of fallen women we care about but if we see there are other types of fallen women too," Awan remarks behind my back and I turn, flinching from his words.

"Munafiq women, you know Mrs Kasheefa, once a woman said to my wife that she mustn't have a child for she is mad and now she is childless now, I suppose she is mad too"

I breathed deeply, he cuts me. I hate him.

Two uneventful days passed,
Awan strides me to every place, I ignored.
But why?

Mrs Kasheefa has grown fond of him, he visits my house like it's his own.
He has charmed the old lady and all habitats of this place. Awan is charismatic in his ways.

On the third evening, I could not be held away from the garden, I noticed the stone bench no longer there. I sat on the replaced wooden bench but it is not cold like the grey earth matter.

Awan came limping, hands rubbing his arms.
Pity fills me to the brim, he takes a place beside. Now under the little white light coming from the kitchen reflects on his face,
You can not tell apart his bone from his skin, small purple maroon bruises, his eyes bloodshot, swollen, falling like an anchor weighing it down to the sea of sorrow, his head decline to my stomach, he cries, I hold him up but he falls again.

"what happened," I ask.

" I don't know " he sobs, " I don't know Miss" he weeps.

I gather him in my hands, his face lines with water like a web. "you are strong Awan"   I console.

He cries louder as he falls again into the pit of my stomach, I cry with him not knowing what must now be done or where must I go, I hushed myself who breaks her promise while she whispered to herself  " I love this boy so much"

I muffled my mouth and breathed hard as I know this denial is necessary for me. He raised his head and smiled at me,
I lost my head and cried again.