A Romantic Vision

The Only Lover

On our way back home I was weary and abject had taken hold of me, yet it was trivial pain compared to what I had the experienced, I thought. Each one yet is diverse and heartbreaking.

The soft Jazz music played from the player, the car was in no hurry to each home, Anne had a slumber in the back seat and all there was between myself and Timur was sadness. He adjusted the mirror to inspect Anne sleeping and lighted up his cigarette. I gazed him taking a mouthful of smoke inside and after a moment letting out a white cloud in the air. Sometimes I do wonder and rage over him, only if he would have loved me from the start we would not have ended like this. I would have not sought love in Awan in desperation, would not have rejected so many men comparing them to him and yet we have somehow ended up together in this holy union, which neither he respects, nor objects to.

Abruptly my conscious drifted into Awan's car, the stink of the car returned to the senses and I realized how happy I had been with him those days. How clumsily he would approach me on the floor and sit beside me quietly, every time I come to Timur he is alarmed by the actions. I could stare at him forever but he won't spare me a glance...

Have I made a mistake?

The jazz melody now seeping into the skin of my soul, I feel tipsy. The world lit with vibrant lights and the street filled with people's pass, the city chatters always take away the peace from within as I closed my eyes and tears fell on the tip of my jaw.

Timur parked in the garage and we had to help Anne get out of the car, she was weak and exhausted, her legs shudder aching due to the long walk. Timur got her water, she retired on the sofa, "it was a lovely day, wasn't it?"  she mumbled.

I removed my scarf, the curls in a frizz tamed.
I gulped, she looked at Timur "It was beautiful, wasn't it?" I saw Timur starting me across, then returning to Anne he started coldly "yes it was"

He removed his coat and I just sat blankly at the stairs. Anne fell asleep. He tried to wake her up but she was too drowsy to walk to her room. Timur covered her with the blanket and walked upstairs avoiding me. He knows, he knows exactly what I am thinking.

I ascended the stair as he pulled the sheets over the floor.

"Timur you can sleep on the bed," I said. He kept on working his bedding. I sat on the floor before him, his eyes fixed but only if you have known him for years and seen him, carefully he is alarmed.

"I have always been envious of you" I confessed. The light shining over his forehead, he let his guard down and folded his legs to listen at last. "you had everything I wanted. You were beautiful, good at studies, you had a better taste in everything but most of all you are so loved...everybody loves you especially good people" I did not know if I were putting it in the right way so I renovated "no...people who I wanted to love me, no... People like your parents... I wanted your parents, I wanted parents like yours or to love me as they love you. Something of that sort. Until now, I thought I wanted them to love me until now, that day when Anne scolded you on the dinner table when I left angrily...I thought I would relish the moment but Timur when I heard her scolding you I realised I don't want them to love me; I only want them to love you...I only affectionate with the Love they have for you...that is what I want...do you understand me"

He pursed his lips and was uneasy, I move my hand in his "I have been always envious towards you but it suits you so well to be so loved"

His eyes were down and my heart was in his sight but it is so seldom that men can see, they lack what you call a vision, A Romantic Vision.

"You choose to be silent?" I inquire grieving him.

"you complicate your own feelings Raib" he sighed. He did not leave my hand, it was still in his grip but neither I nor he knew what to do with our hands, we do not understand the way forward from this, so we keep still.

"Tell me what should I do?" I ask him, he glanced at my unruly hair and then for the first time in years looked for more than a moment in the eye.

"Expect Nothing" he breathed out and moved away, his hands returned to his pockets. He stretched the bed sheet from one side and I knew he wanted me to move away.
I switched the lamp off, I did not want him to know I was crying.

I felt intense dryness in my throat and it pushed me off from deep sleep. The night was still dark and heavy. I switched on the sidelight and the floor had no sign of sleep. Timur was not in the room. I checked his phone, it was 4:45 in the morning which was contrary to the darkness. I opened the door and the stairs vaguely lit led me to the silent living room. I peeked left and right but there was no one, then at once, I spotted Timur kneeling on the floor, his head buried in the sofa.

"Timur...Timur..." I said, my voice quivering, the sound echoing in the room.

A slow breeze touched my feet, the floor was cold and every step towards him made a clenching sound.

"Timur... Why are you here..?" I said switching on the lights.

He raised his head, his sight met mine, his colour turned into ashes, his eyes red and his lips were trembling...the horror brought me aback, my heart split.

He breathed short breaths of ghastliness, he stares the floor and he murmured something which I could not understand and walked a few steps closer and discovered Anne on the sofa, he looked at me with an expression I would not forget my entire life "she is no more Raib, Anne is gone" he spoke with his voice shivering and hardly passing through his lungs.

The floor slipped below, the sudden clash of his words stripped the fragile strength, I collapsed on the icy floor. All the things spinning wildly around.

The faded clatter revived me from the unconsciousness. I opened my eyes slowly and the vision of the sad white framed window appeared flooded with the cast of black shadows. I moaned in the half-sleep state trying the hardest to be either on one side.

However hard I tried It was of no use, the erroneous condition would cover me with sleep. Only when I formally spoke a word, I was told it had been two execrate days since Anne returned to the lord, I wept in the bed. Mother sat beside me consoling, I ran downstairs to see Timur. He was as quiet as the afternoon. Starting in the empty state of life.

Before I would fling my arms and cry passionately in his embrace mother seized me by arm and pulled me to her breast. She caressed me and started to comfort "it would be alright darling, all of us have to leave"

I escaped her arms to find Timur has left the living room. There were a lot of women around, mostly from the community service and some near neighbours. Aunt gave me no notice rather switched her side where I stood.

What it felt like... It felt like the only person who loved me has left the world... So I'd rather close my eyes than ever open them.