A Romantic Vision

Half Hearted Mirrors

That night after dinner I had to reinforce the topic.

"When will you call Timur?" I asked my father.

"There are handsome and more matching proposals for you Laraib, he is just a clerk at our office. You should rethink this prospect, this isn't the life you would want" my father humbly rejected him

This isn't the life I want. I smiled " I have known him since I've known myself, it is pretty safe to say I have given this much thought"

"But why? and all of this sudden?" mothers agitation in her voice quivered throughout the gloomy room.

Because he started it all.

"I do not think I would be able to love anybody but Timur" I recited my heart, it was true, wasn't it?

Father stared me long after I said those words. "It is so then. I will call Timur"

Mother was not pleased with the ongoings. She asked more than a hundred times if I would revert to the statement and father just followed up the path I screened.

After exactly fourteen days, a Volkswagen parked in before me and Timur as self-destructive his ambiance is to me let me break apart in his arms.
For a few hours he nudged me with questions about my well being, he had no idea what he was called for. I looked at him with remorse and pity.
Nevertheless, I was never turning back.

I hoped he would say yes.

So a day after Anne too came to our house, she was worried, Timur did not seem to pay much attention to ambivalence.

Sometimes I was crushed with pity for him other times I knew needed him to survive more than anything. How much ever puzzling but it is true that my fate was that of a patient who undergoes an organ transplant, to survive I needed Timur to give me his no matter how painful it would for him but I wanted to live this with him. I was desperate to leave this house, these people and yet be safe and secure. I knew nobody else in this world could handle me but him. I was being utterly selfish but I was eviscerated.

So I waited in the hallway while my parents, Anne and Timur decided our fate.

I gazed from the window of my hallway Awan watering his lilies. I felt nothing. He felt so strange.
I saw a beautiful tall young lady planting new nurseries with him. They had a bunch of roses and brightly colored tulips. I could hear Awan's voice as if he were whispering it the very moment into my ears "Miss do you know tulips signify true love and claim worthiness"

I felt bitterness climb my throat. I shut the curtains and trekked to the balcony, shut-in till the night took me slowly into a safe haven.

I realized the next morning that I have no news of my own affair, has Timur too rejected me?

I scoured for mother but I could find her nowhere. Everything was as silent as usual but they scare me often these days.

I spotted Timur sitting on the stone bench smoking his cigarette.

Confront him. What was there to lose?

"Lovely morning, isn't it?" I shuffled into his aura.

He did not speak. My heart was thumping, I spoke something pensive to fill in the silence and unsuccessfully I embarrassed myself as he did not reply once or even look at me.

What was there to lose? Him.

It donned on me that if I lost Him, it is then the end of survival. Ceasing not hope but Love, all the Love.

I could not speak after that, something numbed me. Fortunately, Anne was kind to cater to me with talks of her own childhood and her spending childhood.