Illusion- sectorM sequel

11- alone together.

(can't let the brotherly feud go on. thats not the main angst...and it hurts me lmfao. also t/w mentions of self harm and sexual abuse proceed with caution.)

the school day had flown by. hongjoong had accompanied seonghwa to the few classes they had before lunch. the two talking and laughing. but by lunch, seonghwa had once again managed to disappear. everyone had already learned that after a almost a month of this yeosang wouldn't get up.

and they were right. for the whole lunch period he sat there acting as if his brothers absence didn't hurt him in the slightest. after lunch they made their way to their classes. hongjoong was surprised to see seonghwa already sitting at their joint table.

eventually the last bell rang, seonghwa made his way out of last class stopping in his tracks when faded pink locks appeared from beside the doorway and nuzzled into his chest. yeosang hugged him tightly.

the two, after almost a month, found themselves walking home together. yeosang happily trailing ahead, crushing the browning leaves under his feet and seonghwa following behind him cautiously with his hand tucked nicely in his jacket pockets.

yeosang turned around upon noticing the silence and finally spoke.

" hwa?"

seonghwa looked up, hesitantly humming In response. " I'm sorry"

" for what?"  seonghwa asked. yeosang sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets as well and walking beside seonghwa. " leaving you how I did. you don't need someone angry at you, you need someone to listen to you."

seonghwa pursed his lips and stayed silent. now he knew what yeosang was talking about.

" I suppose, I was angry at first. angry at you because you never spoke and you smiled and seemed fine. angry at myself for not being able to see through your smiles. i'm your freaking brother and I couldn't see it. I was angry at our parents because how could they not see their Childs pai-" seonghwa quickly hugged yeosang, cutting his words off. seonghwa himself wasn't able to speak words at the moment.

his mind would draw a blank every time he had tried. when he pulled away from the hug, he had noticed the glossiness of yeosang's eyes and attempted a small smile. " hwa? can I ask a question. well more like two."

seonghwa nodded.

" why did you start? and when?"

seonghwa sighed. rubbing his thumb over his clothed wrist as he mentality prepared himself to answer this. " maybe end of freshman year (9th grade). the why? it was just- I don't know I was in pain, and I couldn't speak on it. it just grew bigger and bigger and the world felt darker and emptier and lonelier . I guess it was my only way of being able to tell if I could still feel anything. it was rare back then though. only when the world felt too much. "

" so when did it turn from rare."

" towards the middle of sophomore year, when- "

" you were the only one who hadn't presented. " seonghwa nodded. " I have one more question."

" shoot."

" why did you have all those marks on your neck." yeosang asked. seonghwa stopped walking abruptly. he had thought he did a good Job of masking them .when had yeosang seen them.

" I-i-i , uh, um -" he bit his bottom lip. looking over at yeosang who stared at him with worry and anticipation. all at once the air around him had become to thick for his lungs, almost as if it was suffocating him. his cheek's heated up and his chest felt like someone was forcing him to breath in shards of glass.

'consider this a goodbye present park'

'you'll always be my favorite play toy'

yeosang had caught onto his brothers panic and quickly moved to comfort him. part of him felt guilty for asking but now a bigger part of him already knew what had happened and it only caused his skin to burn as anger ran through him.

"did that happen? " seonghwa nodded. avoiding eye contact.

" w-was it- was it luc-"

seonghwa nodded. yeosang bit down on his own lip, stopping himself from cursing at nothing. instead he just embraced his elder brother as tight as he could until he was sure he had calmed down. once he was sure of it the two continued to walk.

yeosang occasionally glancing upwards at the taller male who now somehow seemed distracted with crushing the large piles of raked up leaves. eventually the two made it home. jimin was the first one to notice the two boys.

first thing he noticed was seonghwa's tear stained cheeks and yeosang's blank stare. before he could say anything about it, yeosang shook his head, grabbing seonghwa's hand and leading the elder upstairs into his room. once situated in the room, seonghwa sat on the bed, folding his hands in front of himself.

yeosang on the other hand, started pacing back and fourth before he completely stopped and looked up at seonghwa.

" seonghwa, i'm going to ask you something, if it makes you uncomfortable you don't have too." yeosang said as he looked directly into his brothers eyes. placing one hand on seonghwa's shoulder. the elder nodded hesitantly as he braced himself for what was coming next.

" c-can I see your arms?" he asked. seonghwa exhaled a deep breath, once again nodding slowly as he turned his face away from yeosang's. allowing the younger male to hold his hand and slowly roll up the sleeve of his shirt. yeosang's breathing hitched once he was able to see the full extent of them.

raised wounds from fresh cuts, most likely done this morning , older ones, healed ones all the way from the middle of his wrist to his elbow. he didn't even realize he was crying until he felt a salty tear slide down onto his lip. he licked his lip. letting go of his brothers arm not wanting to make him feel more uncomfortable then he most likely already was.

how it never dawned on him that for almost 3 years now his brother was absolutely miserable, practically feeling as if he was just a shadow in his own home made his heart ache. he knew he couldn't say words to make seonghwa feel any better, he knew he couldn't hug him and the pain would go away, he knew he couldn't tell him to stop and expect him to do just that.

that would be like telling an addict to stop cold turkey and it didn't work that way. he let out a deep breath, standing up and holding one of seonghwa's hands in his own. he noticed the way seonghwa refused to look up and at him, how seonghwa had a stream of tears coming down his face but most likely for a different reason.

" hyung?"

seonghwa hummed still refusing to look at him.

" hyung, look at me." yeosang's voice was full of concern and worry, but also the warmth you feel when someone you care about coddles you. seonghwa looked up, both set of tear filled eyes staring into one another.

" i'm scared yeo." seonghwa's voice was nothing more than a whisper and it pained yeosang to hear his older brother so broken. " how do people expect me to live up to their legacy when im nothing like them?" he continued.

" easy, you don't. you create your own. and hyung, I know I can't say anything to make you stop easily, but im here for you. if you ever feel the urge too, no matter what time of day it is, no matter where I am or where you are, call me, come to me. im here hyung, you're not alone anymore. we can be alone together."