My life's meaning |✔️

•|97|•

Going to the elevator I rubbed my belly as Squirt started kicking like crazy.

"You better not knock my spleen out of place" I grumble tapping the area Squirt kicked

The next fifteen minutes was a blur once I got on and off the elevator, I spoke to everyone who sat in the living room including the kids that ran around.

The boys greeted me outside in the backyard with hugs and a few kisses to my forehead.

Mentally rolling my eyes I turned to Sage tuning out everyone else, taking a strawberry from Montana's plate I gave Sage a toothless smile.

"What are you afraid of?" was the first thing she ask wiggling her eyebrows

"Hello Sage, how are you?" I nod was arms wrap themselves around me, thinking's it's just Montana or one of the boys I didn't bother looking back as they started rubbing my belly in a circular manner

"Hi, what are you afraid?" She repeats glancing at the person behind me

Staring at her I sighed soft leaning into the warm embrace I'm in, glancing at their arms I couldn't tell who it was because of the long black sleeves that covered their arms and their hands are under my belly which it blocking my view.

Frowning I tried looking up but they stopped me by laying their head in the crook of my neck.

"Answer the question Mook, it's almost time for the baby shower to start" Montana says sounding as if he's in my ear, so that's who's behind me

"I'm afraid of this baby suffering the same fate as Izzy or the possibility of me dying while I'm in labor. I almost bleed out during Izzy's birth. If we do survive the birth what's going to happen—I'm afraid of not being good enough for my kid, I'm terrified of my baby not getting the future they deserve. I'm worried I'm going to be raising Squirt without Elijah—taking care of two kids while trying to go to school at the same time. Like I said at the hospital, living in there I knew what's going to happen. Living here outside the hospital is different, I never know what's going to happen. I'm not in control of my future and that scares me" I ramble out staring at Sage as she nods softly

"Why do you believe you'll be raising the baby alone?" she questions

Because if it's a boy Elijah will have to go back to Italy and releave Alex as acting leader of his mafia

"I have my reasons" I mumble

"Bakari, the boys and your mother in law are more than happy to help you in raising your kids so why do you feel like you'll be doing it alone?"

"They aren't the father of my kids, I appreciate them and all but I won't settle for that. I would still feel alone regardless if they helped. It's Elijah, I need him"

"Why didn't you tell me this months ago at our last session?" Sage questions raising a eyebrow

"I didn't want to speak it in existence" I shrug truthfully

Montana walked away but the presence behind me didn't budge a bit nor did the hands unravel from around my waist.

A skin tingling kiss lingers on my neck causing me to shiver, looking back I gasp loudly like a dramatic bitch before bursting out into tears.

"I'll be here Babe, both you and the baby will survive your labor. You're more than good enough, your an amazing mother to Delilah and you'll be the same way with Squirt. As for the future of this baby, I'll handle it when the time comes" Elijah mutters wiping my tears, placing a kiss to my lips "I'm sorry I didn't return any of your calls or text messages, I'll explain everything later tonight"