Let Yourself Fall // sequel to My Ethan Karpathy

Chapter 32

PAISLEYS POV:

When I wake up, I'm still laying next to Ethan, but he's sprawled out all over the bed. I hear a phone vibrate from the desk and think it's mine, so I walk over. But it wasn't mine, it was Ethan's. Normally I wouldn't invade his privacy and read his texts, but I saw something in the three texts that caught my eye, and made my heart drop.

Chloe: hey sexy, hope you enjoyed yesterday afternoon, I certainly did ;) come again when you're ready for this ass again.

Chloe: babe, please wake up, I know you want this again. Come over, mums not home.

Chloe: haven't you gotten rid of her yet? Come on, hasn't it been long enough? I need your big dick fucking hell, I can't wait forever!

Chloe? Who's Chloe..? He has he number saved, this isn't fake. This really isn't fake. Ethan is cheating on me. Just because I'm not putting out for him, he's getting it wherever he can. He's probably fucked so many girls, they want him anyway. He told me he would wait forever until I was ready, he wanted me to take his virginity. He said me, only me. I guess he was lying. I need to go, I need to go somewhere alone to think. Ethan is still sleeping, I look over to him and try not to cry. He looks so cute, so hot, so innocent. He's perfect for me, and he said I was for him, I guess I'm just not perfect enough for him. The tears form as I watch him sleep, his breathing steady and his chest rising and falling slightly with each breath. I'm not going to cry now, not until I think it through. It takes all of my self control to tear my gaze away from him, to force my legs to move. I grab my beach bag and I put my purse, my sunglasses, a jumper and a towel into the bag. I silently put on my sneakers and tie my hair back into a messy bun. I grab my bikini and change in Ethan's room. I decided I am going to the beach, the beach always helps. After sliding on a loose fitting shirt and my denim shorts, I make sure I have plenty of money and my credit card just in case. I tiptoe out of the room, taking one last glance as I close the door behind me with one incredibly shaky hand. I walk down the stairs, hoping I wouldn't run into Holly. I find a note on the kitchen table and read it.

'Hey guys, gone to work early. Jack and Rachael are at daycare. Take care and see you tonight' it read.

I put the note down and pull out my phone. I plug in my earphones and put them in my ears. I press shuffle as I walk out the front door. The first song just happens to be '6 Months' by Hey Monday. This was our little song.

'You're the direction I follow to get home
When I feel like I can't go on, you tell me to go
And it's like I can't feel a thing without you around
And don't mind me if I get weak in the knees
'cause you have that effect on me, you do

Everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

Months going strong now, and no goodbye
Unconditional, unoriginal
Always by my side
Meant to be together
Meant for no one but each other
You love me, I love you harder so

Everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

So please, give me your hands
So please, give me a lesson on how to steal, steal a heart
As fast as you stole mine, as you stole mine

Oh and everything you say
Every time we kiss, I can't think straight
But I'm okay
And I can't think of anybody else
Who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you

So please, give me your hands
So please, just take my hand!'

I walk down the road, further and further away from Ethan and closer to the beach. Have you even felt so sad and depressed that you don't even feel it anymore? When you're so sad that you don't even want to cry? That's what I have right now. I feel numb, but there's this big heavy weight in my stomach. I know when I stop, it will all come crashing down in a tidal wave, so I promise myself I will not stop until I'm at the beach, in the water where no one can see me cry. About twelve songs come on as I walk there. I don't bother to skip them, even when the songs that Ethan used to sing to me come on. I don't mind being reminded about what I thought we had.

'How long will I love you- Ellie Goulding'

He's done this twice, the first time I believed him. What if I shouldn't have believed him?

'Miley Cyrus- when I look at you'

Did he ever mean anything he said? Was I just some stupid scam that I didn't let end because I was too clingy?

'One direction- where do broken hearts go?'

Broken hearts? Broken hearts hurt more than anything in the world. He's broken my heart twice now, and I ran away the first time. I'm not going to run that far again.

'Avril Lavigne- rock N roll'

We had it perfect, or so I thought. I wasn't enough. He wanted something I didn't have. So he cheated on me.

'Birdy- Not about Angels'

He was like my angel, he saved me so many times. I thought I was saving him too, I mustn't have done a good enough job.

'Emblem 3- 3000 miles'

Am I over reacting? I don't know if I am or not, I have only ever experienced this one before. I don't know what an overreaction is or how far I can take it without being one.

'One direction- ready to run'

Am I running? What if what Ethan and I had wasn't love? How would I even know if Ethan was the only person I'd ever been with?

'Ron pope- a drop in the ocean'

Maybe Ethan was only a drop, maybe he just made a ripple on the surface of my life, but I mistook the feeling for love.

'Taylor Henderson- Host of Angels'

He said he was always watching over me so that nothing bad would ever happen to me, but when I didn't give him what he wanted, he went and did the exact same thing he claimed he was protecting me from.

'One direction- forever young'

He told me he wanted to grow old with me. He said he wanted to be by my side until the day either one of us died. He wanted to die when I did so he wouldn't have to live a day without me.

'Selena Gomez- the heart wants what it wants'

Even after all of this, I can't help but get that little feeling in my stomach that makes me want to run back and act like nothing has happened. But the rest of me wills me to get as far away as possible.

The vamps- oh cecelia'

My toes are in the sand.