Feel Real

Eleven

Mona has a show tonight with her beatdown band, Nemesis; her first ever live performance. Now she has her individual and band photoshoot. It's outside in the forested cliffside. It's a cloudy, coolish day with the sun peaking out at times. The air is damp and feels good on my skin. The fresh ocean, forest air infiltrating my body and soul. Mona is absolutely killing it. With her band photos she intensified her resting bitch face to appear more badass. Her individual frames where the same with the badass look though she had quite a few frames where she was absolutely breathtaking. "We have some time left. Would you like to do some frames with her?" The photographer, Gavin, asks me. I could see how happy Mona got about that question. I got super happy about it myself. Kota, Zach, Justin and their new bassist Myka playfully teased her with kissing sounds. "Hey if you guys want me to I will kiss all of you. It ain't gay to kiss homies." I joked. "Oh yes daddy Josh." Kota teased. I ran to him as if I was about to kiss him but I didn't. We were laughing about it. I went to Mona where she was. There was a slight break in the trees. Just enough where the sky gave plenty of light even on this cloudy day. Mona and I did some cute photos yet some badass ones for our slambient side project (slam with some ambient black metal influences). The two frames that are my absolute favourite was when I hugged her as she kind of clung to my leather jacket. She faced the camera giving it a very soft yet vulnerable look. I had my eyes closed while giving her a kiss on the forehead to add to the mood. We had another frame where we did that same pose as the sun peaked out; illuminating her striking eyes and stunning face. Kota, Zach, Justin, and Myka were smiling at us. "It's wonderful to our sister so happy." Justin said gleefully. "I'm jealous of her because I want daddy Josh to kiss me." Myka teased. We laughed yet again. "Hey Myka guess what?" I playfully asked him. "What?" He teased. I gently moved Mona's head by under her chin so she was looking at me. "I'm so in love with you." I say with passion before kissing her with meaningful passion. Our lips were moving perfectly in sync, both of us getting in tune with each other and the universe. "I am so very in love with you." Mona replies warmly with a beautiful smile. I let go of her from the hug to go to the venue for the show. "Thank you Gavin for being our photographer. You are a good ass photographer." Mona thanked him as they did a bro handshake. "No problem girly. It's fun workin' with y'all crazies. Y'all make this job fun and easy for me." Gavin replied gladly.
We walked back to the parking lot with her band getting into their van and with me driving my car to the venue. I invited Tyler to come to the show. Matthieu, Matt, and Isaac are a little bit of horndogs for her so they're not coming. I'm so excited to see my girl kickass at her first ever show. Her bandmates have played shows before so they're being extremely helpful with her about everything. God my mind and heart can't stop going on and on about her. Ramona is inexplicably outstanding. It's weird how life works sometimes y'know? How a simple run in can change everything in such incredibly amazing ways. I have never felt this way towards any of my exes. I never even thought I'd be capable of feeling like this towards a girl how they all ended up treating me by only being with me because I'm in a band. It's a shitty feeling lemme tell ya. I get to the venue and see Nemesis taking their equipment in and Mona talking to a guy. She looks excited. I parked my car and got out with a smile on my face with how excited I am to see her perform her first show. Mona ran to me looking super joyful and excited, "Josh!!! I've amazing news!" She chirped as she jumped into my arms. I laughed and smiled at how cute she is right now, "What is it, beatdown queen?" I laughed. "I am going on my first ever tour!!! National tour!" Mona giggled with pure excitement. My heart kinda broke. The big smile I had diminished to a small one. Her excitement diminished as well as she sensed my heartbreak and sadness. "Josh?" She asks nervously and sadly; looking worried. "When is your set?" I asked sadly. "Not for another three hours. Why?" "I wanna talk with you and then your band," I say nervously. "Lets talk in my car." I finish. I put her back down and walked to my car in silence. "What's wrong?" Mona asks sadly as we got in. I rested my head on the steering wheel, letting out a sigh as tears filled my eyes. Worry, fear, anxiety, sadness drowning my whole body leaving me to feel heavy. "Ramona I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. This is your first national tour. Guys can be scary. Are you sure you can do this and are ready to face anything? Touring is extremely tiring and I can't even imagine what touring is like for a girl; the additional stress of what could happen." I choked up. I felt her lean over the centre console to wrap an around my shoulders, "Honey, look at me," Mona started. I obeyed. Her delicate hand caressed my cheek as she gave me a lovestruck and sad look, "If you think I'm going to cheat on you or leave you, none of those things will happen. Believe me. I want a future with you. I see it a future with you. And if you think I'm going to get hurt: it won't happen. The guys all have pocket knives and bear spray to protect me. I have bear spray. My brothers and I have already thoroughly discussed this. They know I won't cheat on you and they have already told me they'll put me in my place if I do which I swear up and down won't happen. Brothers don't let their sisters get hurt and they sure's hell don't let them do stupid shit." Mona cried softly. I leaned over and hugged her tightly as we both cried softly. Touring sucks. Leaving your loved one(s) hurts. I slowly broke from the hug to give her a gentle kiss on her forehead. "I know you are a loyal lady. I'm not worried about you cheating. I'm worried about your safety is all." I whisper against her rose-smelling black hair. "I know sweetie." Mona replied softly. We got out of the car, hand-in-hand, headed towards her band who were talking by their van. "Everything okay guys?" Myka asks with concern. "Yes. Just had a heart-to-heart. It's her first tour and I'm gonna miss this lady so much. I know she's in good hands." I reply calmly whilst looking at Mona with a smile whom returned the smile. "Oh she is." Kota firmly implied before going into his pocket and giving me a glimpse of his pocket knife. The other guys and manager did the same and showed small canisters of bear spray. "Told you my brothers got me." Mona says proudly before hitting her vape and blowing a fat cloud. Vaping is a fairly recent thing she picked up to take the edge off whenever she is anxious. The six of us stood around and talked for some time. I have an engagement ring in my pocket; I have been planning to propose to her for some time. I was waiting for tonight to propose to her. Though tonight is even more appropriate since she starts touring. I discreetly knocked the ring box out of my pocket, pretending to then tie my shoe. Mona was busy running down the setlist with the dudes until I gently grabbed her hand. She turned to me and gasped as I opened the ring box. Fans started arriving to the venue and saw this moment. Gavin's, Kota's, Zach's, Justin's, and Myka's eyes widened and jaws dropped. "Ramona Anastasiya O'bel, I have never felt so passionate about any girl ever before. I have never felt so connected with any girl ever before. I have never met or fallen in love with a girl who is as smart, talented, down to earth, laid back, supportive, caring, and respectful until that night at Nick's basketball game. That moment I knew I wanted you to be my girl. I still feel stupid for having not noticed you when we went to school with each other since kindergarten. I want and see a future with you. Will you marry me?" I have never sounded so passionate ever before. Mona broke down and cried, "Yes!" She bawled as she smiled. I slid the silver diamond ring on her left ring finger before getting off the cold, damp parking lot to pick her up and give a big hug. Her band and some fans were clapping and cheering us on. The both of us are crying. "Missus Ramona Anastasiya Spohr." I proudly retorted through tears. Justin pulled out blunts and while laughing said, "Shit I was gonna save these for us after the show but goddamn we need to celebrate now. I've more blunts though this is the hella dank shit and we need to celebrate." Mona got out of my arms and wiped her eyes, "Nah man. Save those for after. It's too early to celebrate right now. Save these for after to celebrate our first show and my engagement." She giggled. "We can have a bonfire and get as baked as we want at our place after the show." I offered them. We all agreed on that. "We won't stay for long since we know y'all will want to celebrate in private before we leave tomorrow. Y'all have been thru some shit together as a couple and as individuals and shit got a little rocky for y'all yet you both worked together and powered thru it to get to this engagement and to marriage. Y'all should celebrate more with each other." Kota said to us with a beaming smile and empathetic tone of voice. He damn near went to the prison where the serial rapist is at to beat the guy up when we told them what happened. He's been a good support for us. He's a good friend of mine too. The dudes in Nemesis are wonderful people. Mona pulled her phone out and got a text from her friend Ari, the merch lady, that she can't make it. "Shit! Ari isn't able to make it tonight for merch." She sighed. "Would you be okay with helping us Josh? Austin can take over when Nemesis comes on. We know you wanna see your girl perform." Myka asks as we headed into the venue as the show was about to start. "I gotchu," I started before finishing to Austin, "And thanks dude." "Don't mention it man." He replied as he patted my back.
I got to the merch table and interacted with fans of the bands tonight and fans of Tear Out The Heart. I'm a bit personable despite having social anxiety and a dislike for people. Mona's the same way. We gotta do what we gotta do. Can't be in a shell all the time nor can you be a bitch all the time. Mona always calms me down and puts me in my place when my dislike for people shows. I've never ever been slightly bitchy towards her. She doesn't deserve it. I started selling all sorts of hoodies, windbreakers, shirts, beanies, EPs. We have free stickers and posters. Tips are coming in hot and sales are too. Nemesis starts touring tomorrow with Falsifier, Kublai KhanTX, and Bodysnatcher. For Nemesis' first tour they have landed one helluva cool opportunity to be touring with those bands right away. I kept engaging with fans and making sales throughout the night. Some groupie thots were trying to hit on me and get with me which I ignored and that pissed them off. Not my problem. I don't like posers and thots can begone. After a couple hours it was Nemesis' set. Austin came to the table and said to me, "You're really gonna like their set. The band's energy is like no other." I snaked through the endless sea of humans to get up to the front of the stage. So many more people are here now than with the first band was on.
Mona and her band got on stage in position. We flashed each other smiles, "I'm your biggest fan!" I teased her. She smirked at me and playfully rolled her eyes. She crouched down in front of her mic with her hair covering her face as the stage lights went off. Then a heavy breakdown/riff combo started that I wasn't expecting. The lights were flashing red, the pit was already going crazy. After twenty-five seconds of the insane breakdown she got up and did a power-stance with one foot on an amp and the other on the stage as she belted her vocals. I couldn't help but to get into the gnarly pit. Everyone is headbanging hard or moshing. Kota, Zach, Myka, and Mona were jumping around and headbanging to the beat. Justin was going ham on the drums and having a ball. Towards the end of their first song there was a fight riff where she did a spin and stomped down and headbanged like I never saw her do before. At the end of the song the lights went solid red as she gave a menacing, empowering stance as the lights faded til the venue was dark for a few seconds. Everyone erupted in cheers and claps once the lights came back on as purple. I went back up to the front of the stage where she kneeled down and we fist-pumped. She stood back up, smiling this proud smile; a smile that shows how proud she is and how shocked she is (in a good way of course). "Is Santa Cruz having a good fucking night?" She asks the crowd. Everyone went ape with cheers and claps. "I best see shit get absolutely fucking crazy until the end of our set. I expect to see each and every one of you go fucking crazy." She demanded before going to take a quick swig of water. They played the next song which went harder than the first. She stage-dived and went crowdsurfing then walked back up to the stage thru the concert floor. I know the song she's doing and we did a mic grab together. How romantic isn't it? Gavin is photographing this wild night. I'm sure the mic grab pic came out badass and cute. People were throwing trashcans. Some had beachballs for whatever reason. People were throwing glowsticks. They did two more songs though before their last, Mona gave some updates about their music and upcoming tour. "Thank you all for coming out tonight. This is Nemesis' first ever show and actually my very first show. My brothers here have shown me the ropes for they've done shows before," she started then motioned for me to come on stage which I did. "And especially thank you to this man right here; Josh Spohr of Tear Out The Heart." She said with such pride before kissing my cheek. "They're getting married!" Kota hollered. Everyone cheered and applauded for us. I hugged my Ramona. "Sorry I'm sweaty." She laughed as she broke from the quick hug. "It's okay Mona." I laughed. I got off stage and got back to where I was. "Tomorrow Nemesis starts the Desolation Tour with Falsifier, Bodysnatcher, and Kublai Khan. We'll be back here in about two months so keep your eyes peeled!" Everyone got fucking excited about that. Nemesis then went on to cover Malevolent by Falsifier. My god her vocals for this are outstanding. Again, everyone went absolutely mad. The pit was insane and people were back to launching and throwing shit.
Afterwards, I helped Nemesis pack up and load the van. People were congratulating us on our engagement and congratulating her for putting on the gnarliest first show. Other musicians were impressed by how well she did. So many told her how they are so happy to see a female vocalist in the scene. Everyone's so nice to her about it. It's a relief. After they interacted with fans and things died down we all went to my and Mona's place for a bonfire and smoke sesh. At the bonfire I held my girl's left hand and took a picture of her hitting her blunt to capture this moment. To capture this magnificent night. Some memories are so good that you want to capture them.
We were all super stoned though the guys sobered up quickly to go home and let Mona and I celebrate intimately.