Feel Real

Eighteen

Today Ara is having her first band practise since moving here to Chicago. I've been having practise with VCTMS at my and Ara's place while she has her own practise. We were getting parts down for our fourth album when suddenly Ara bursts thru the door, in tears and on the phone, speaking Slovak. She ran into my arms, wailing. "Ara, breathe. What's going on, honey?" I asked sadly yet with immense confusion. "Mamička was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer! It's not looking good!" Ara bawled to me then saying to her phone, "Ocko, I have to go. Milujem ta a Mamička." Then hung up. My heart broke. I know exactly what this is like to a solid T. I squeezed her as tight as I could and let her cry: ignoring that John and Meredith are still here. "Cry it out, baby, let it out." I croaked. "Is there anything we can do?" Mere asked us. "Please give us space, for now; I'm sorry. I need it. I'll keep y'all updated." Ara bawled. "Hey, hey don't apologise. We understand. I'm so sorry Ara." John replies to her sympathetically while he and Mere kneeled down. Ara hugged Mere and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek as she normally does with friends Ara views as siblings. And I'm totally fine with it; Ara was an only child and she values very close friendships in unique ways. Mere broke the hug with her so John could give her a hug. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek as well while they quick hugged. "If y'all need anything or y'all end up needing to go back to California, please let us know. Ryan, Samara needs you now more than ever. Take as much time as you need." Mere soothingly reminds me. I nodded at her in reponse then they quietly left out of respect.
Ara got back into my arms with both of us still on the floor of the basement. She cried herself out so much she slumped in my arms, half-asleep. "Lets get you cleaned up, pretty lady." I cooed while scooping her up off the floor. She half-smiled, dozing off as I carried her up the stairs to the bathroom. I started brainstorming ideas on what to do to help comfort her more than usual. I know she likes jigsaw puzzles, knitting, crocheting. I helped get her undressed and put her in the tub; turning on very lukewarm water and filling the tub. I added a few drops of lavender and orange essential oils to soothe her mind. She leaned back, with her lips forming into a saddened yet peaceful smile. "Lets get you relaxed and cleaned up. Then how about doing a puzzle together, okay?" I coo to her, pouring the water on her hair a couple times. Samara smiled even more, her relaxed eyes glancing over at me, "Okay babe. Thank you so much for nurturing me when it's needed. You're a gentleman." Starting to massage her temples then scalp to relax her, I stayed silent for a few seconds then sighing, "I actually know exactly what you'ew going thru, Ara. My dad had cancer. Passed away a couple years ago. I felt so alone and lost. That's where your writings came into play. I was so full of...anger at the world about my dad's diagnosis and passing. I struggled to cope and accept it for the longest time. I did my best to be there for him when I wasn't touring. It was harder when I toured. Just wanted to be home with him." I started to choke up. Ara brought out her hand from the water and so gently, cautiously putting it on my cheek. I put one hand of mine on top of her warm and damp hand, "I'm so sorry Ryan." Ara replied softly with a mournful tone. I looked down for a few seconds as tears streamed down my face. Oh so gently stroking my cheek with her thumb to give comfort I immediately felt fully at peace with his passing. I finally thoroughly opened up to someone about how I feel and still struggle with his passing. I looked back up to see her frowning, "We're gonna get thru this together. I got your back," I croaked, tears still coming down. She sat up and wiped my tears away, leaning over the edge of the tub towards me. She gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead and hugged me. I know I'm supposed to comfort her right now though...we're comforting each other. Feeling her soft, warm lips on my forehead and warm hug, despite getting me a bit wet from her bath, is the most comfort I have felt ever since I was a kid. "And I got your back." She whispered softly in my ear as she hugged me. She squeezed me a little tighter for a bit and we stayed like that in silence for a bit. "If you want to, you are more than welcome to come in here and relax with me." She offered as she broke the hug after some time. I got up and started to undress, "Obviously we won't fuck. We're both clearly not in the mood." I mirthfully chuckle while taking my boxers off before getting in. She mirthfully chuckled in response, "Agreed." I laid back against the wall without the faucet and placed her in my lap so she was kinda laying on my chest with my arms wrapped around her. As soon as I was in the water and had Ara on my chest my mind and soul was finally at ease. Hell we both need this kind of comfort right now. "Samara if you want to go back out to California, I'll be right there with you. I understand how hard it'll be to go back that way. That's if you want me to go with." I cooed, playing with her damp hair. Feeling her a bit on my chest she replied, "Please come. I'll need you." I smiled down, "I got you," before going on to say "We'll get thru this together." We softly jinxed at the end. We both giggled a little bit at that.