Just a Kiss Series

Chapter Five: The Past, the Present and the Future

"What do you want me to say Lukas? I screwed up and I'm sorry because I know I did and I am sorry. We've been friends for a long time I don't what our friendship to end because of this. Anyway I didn't drag you in here to bring up the past. I wanted to tell you something, I need to tell you something." he replies unable to say whatever it is he has on his mind.

"Tell me what?" I reply wanting to get this over with so I can get to my next class.

"Lukas I'm pregnant." he says so fast I'm not sure I heard him right.

"What?" I ask looking at him confused. Did he really just say what I thought he said?

"I said I'm pregnant." he repeats.

"Razor it's already bad enough that I basically told you I loved you and you left me at the party alone in the room. You practically laughed in my face when you asked if I was joking. I finally had the nerve to tell you afterall these years and you just ripped my heart apart and threw it on the ground. Now you're just being cruel to try and talk to me after all this time and tell me something like that. Do you think I'm dumb? Razor we never even had sex and even if we did it wouldn't you pregnant. We're both guys and last time I checked guys getting pregnant is impossible. Besides all we did was kiss and that's it and I regret it everyday." I say angry.

I start to walk to the door pulling away from Razor's grip on my arm when he pulls me back. "This sounds crazy I know it does but you have to believe me Lukas I'm not making this up. I'm sorry that I hurt you I never meant to. You're my best friend but I never liked you in that way. I know I said things I shouldn't and haven't been a great friend since the night at the party and I'm sorry. Will you please forgive me? Lukas I'm more scared than I ever been in my whole life. This is your baby and I have no idea what I should do. I need you in my life now." he says pleading with his eyes for me to believe him. He reaches for my right hand and places it on his stomach.

I want to believe him that he would make something like this up. Why would he? What would he possibly be getting out of telling me this? Nothing but I know deep down this can't be true when what he is saying is impossible. Guys can't get pregnant and they never will be able to. "You need help Razor you really do and I hope you get it because you look like you need it. From now on I don't want anything to do with you in my life ever again. So please Razor leave me alone I don't want you as a friend if you're going to act this way. You hurt me once I don't need you to continue to." I say and walk out of the classroom.

***

Later that day...

I take a seat on the edge of the bed desperately needing to tell somewhat happened earlier today with Razor. "So what did you want to talk to me about?" he asks standing by his bedroom door.

"About Razor." I reply hearing a sigh from him like I expected.

"I told you already Lukas kissing him at the party was a bad idea." he says like he has told me over and over these past several months.

"I know and I'm paying for it now. Razor and I aren't ever going to be friends again." I reply becoming a little sad at the thought of never being able to call Razor my best friend or even a friend.

"Why?" he asks looking confused.

"That's why I wanted to come here and talk to you. Razor came to me after class and dragged me into the empty classroom at school. He told me something, something unbelievable." I say.

"What did he say?" he questions looking curious to know.

"He said I got him pregnant by kissing him at the party." I reply.

"But I thought you guts didn't kiss?" he asks surprised . I guess I forgot to mention I did end up kissing Razor at the party which started all of this to begin with.

"Does it really matter now? I'm trying to talk to you about Razor and what I should do. I kind of feel bad now for how I treated him. Maybe I should apologize tomorrow? I mean what if he's telling the truth and somehow-" I say before getting cut off.

"Lukas, the best thing you can do is leave him alone. He's still obviously depressed over his mom dying even now. He's crying out for help and giving him attention when he tells you something so impossible isn't going to help him. It's only going to make things worse. I'll talk to him next week and make sure he gets the help he needs." he replies.

"You're probably right I just wanted to believe maybe miracles do happen. And then maybe I could have my happily ever after with him and a baby. I guess that will only happen in my dreams." I say laying back on the bed wishing I could forget about everything. Razor, the made up baby and the pain I have now from getting my heart crushed and stomped on.

***

Back to present:

One month later...

I open my bedroom door just enough to look across the hall. Seeing Ryan moving his stuff out just like I wanted him to but instead of me feeling happy to finally have him gone I'm actually sad. I'm second guessing myself if making him leave is what I really want now.

I've had a lot of time to think in the passed month about Razor, about Ryan and how it seems too much of a coincidence to have two different people tell me the same thing. Why would two guys that don't know each other tell me I got them pregnant? How can that happen to me twice in my life? Am I not understanding something? Is it possible but I don't even know? Or am I as insane as them to even think something so impossible can be possible?

"So I guess this is goodbye." Ryan says standing across the hall.

I open the door wider and ask, "You're leaving already?" Realizing as soon as I said it I sound more sad than anything else. I thought at this point I would be happy or at least satisfied that I don't have to see him anymore but I'm not. All I feel is guilt for how I was towards him last month, sadness and total confusion.

"That is what you wanted right?" he questions.

"Yeah, I just thought it would take you longer." I reply.

"No, I have everything. It was nice knowing you Lukas. Maybe one day we'll meet again." he says turning around and walking to the door.

I stand by my door speechless not knowing what I can say right now. My heart wants him to stay and not have him leave and be miles away but my head is telling me I shouldn't. I shouldn't because it's better this way. It was better this way after Razor and I stopped being friends. My heart healed and stopped hurting like it was That's what I need right now is time to get over Ryan because he wasn't the right guy for my either. It wasn't meant to be but how I do really know that? How do I know he isn't telling the truth? How do I really know Razor wasn't?

"Wait Ryan!" I shout hurrying after him to stop him. "Will you explain to me how it's possible?" I ask.

He turns around to look back at me with his blue eyes. "I'm leaving Lukas I don't have time to. If you really want to know come with me and I'll explain everything when we get there. Otherwise please forget I ever told you anything and forget you ever knew me."

-Do you think he's going to make the same mistake twice??