Just a Kiss Series

Chapter Two: Getting to Know Ryan

***

Two weeks later...

"Do you wanna hang out at the beach with me?" I say quietly out loud as I look at myself in the mirror feeling like a total idiot. Why is it so hard for me to gather up the courage to walk out of my bedroom right now, go into the living room and ask him if he wants to go to the beach? It's a simple question and isn't like I'm asking him to go out with me on a date or be in a relationship. I just want to ask if maybe he wants to hang out as friends nothing else with two of my friends.

Yet here I am two hours later still trying to muster up any courage I might have to even walk out of my room because I'm too nervous to even be near him. It's pathetic I know it is but what can I say?

I find it hard to believe sometimes that someone so perfect like Ryan could be living in the bedroom across from mine. I'm starting to wonder if letting him move in was a bad idea to begin with.

Isn't it bad to have a crush on your new roommate? To be having the thought of being with him cross my mind wrong? To be dreaming about him at night? To be imagining what it would be like to hold his hand? To be in his arms? To have his lips kissing mine as he holds me close to him?

I should stop, I need to stop thinking like this or it's going to be impossible to go out and talk to him if I'm getting turned on by imagining things that might not ever happen. Ryan is just my roommate and nothing else. I hardly even know him so I shouldn't even be thinking about him in the ways that I have been lately. Besides he probably doesn't want to be anything other than my friend and roommate. After all what could he possibly see in me? Someone that is as pathetic and hopeless as I am that is already falling head over heels when I just met him.

I take a deep breath gaining enough confidence to walk out of the room and ask Ryan if he wants to go. As I hear the tv on in the living room and see Ryan sitting on the couch I start to think the worse.

What if he says no? What if he doesn't want to be seen with me? What if he doesn't even want to be friends? What if he thinks I'm coming across as weird or creepy? What if it's a disaster?

***

(Ryan)

"Hey did you have any plans today?" Lukas asks walking into the living room.

"No, why? Did you have something in mind?" I ask looking away from the tv and giving my full attention to him.

"I'm going to the beach in an hour with June and her boyfriend. Do you wanna go?" he replies.

"Hmm I see how it is." I answer.

"How what is?" he says looking confused.

"You feel like the third wheel so you feel like you have to drag me along." I say joking.

"No, it's not like that. I-"

"I know Lukas I'm only joking." I quickly say.

"Oh."

"Your friends won't mind if I came would they?" I ask recalling I've only met one of his friends since I've moved in.

"No, why would they?" he questions.

"I don't know I'm just making sure. I don't want you to feel like you have to invite me and take me along because we're roommates." I reply.

"They won't mind really. I want you to go." he says looking away to hide the fact that he's blushing.

"Okay then I'll go." I answer giving him a smile.

"Okay." is all he replies as he walks away with a big smile on his face as he heads back to his room.

I know he likes me and seeing that smile only confirms it for sure. Why he likes me though I don't know. I've only known Lukas for a couple of weeks and I could tell from the first time I met him there was something different about him. I guess you can say I found myself liking him back. Nothing can happen though because he's younger than me and probably not ready for a serious relationship. It isn't his age that bothers me since I can care less if he's several years younger. It is the fact that we probably wouldn't work out regardless. I just got out of a relationship months ago and didn't move here to find someone I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I moved here to get away, start over and live my life. So I should probably get used to that idea of nothing happening since I'm going to have to as long as we're roommates

***

After an awkward drive to the beach with Lukas's friend June asking me a million questions we're finally at the beach. And from the stares and looks I've been getting from her I'm glad. I could already tell if we sat in the car any longer June would have started asking what my intentions were with Lukas.

It isn't as if I have anything to hide. Well I do have secrets but that's none of her business everyone does. I do know for a fact though that I'm absolutely not the type of guy to lead someone on to make them believe I like them. I'm a friendly person and always have been. Yes, I admit sometimes I like to flirt and joke around but I don't in any way try to hurt someone. But with June's question after question I'm left to wonder what Lukas has told her about me.

Does he think I'm a bad guy? A guy that could hurt him and break his heart? A guy June thinks her friend should stay clear of?

"So Ryan can you come and help me?" June's boyfriend asks popping the trunk open.

"Yeah sure," I answer getting out of the car. Watching as Lukas walks away with June.

The look on Lukas's face is utter worry probably because he knows what is about to take place. I think I reassured myself too soon since here is the 'what are your intentions with my friend' speech. "So ah how do you like living here?"

"I don't have any complains so far." I answer wondering if he's planning on dragging this conversation out.

"Me either." he replies leaving an awkward silence.

What am I suppose to say? I never met June's boyfriend before and suddenly he's wanting to strike up a conversation on the first day we meet? "Yeah," I finally hear myself say.

"I guess I'll just come out and ask. Are you planning on hurting Lukas?" he says looking directly in my eyes.

"No, why would ask that?" I reply.

He looks away and then back before answering, "I don't know because June thinks you might. I really don't know I'm not an expert on relationships Especailly between guys. So do you like him?"

"We're roommates and friends that's it. And if anything were to happen between Lukas and I you can tell June she has nothing to worry about because I would never hurt him." I say meaning every word I just said.

"Good because I don't think he deserves to be hurt again as bad as he was. I'm glad that's done with now lets go have some fun." he says hurrying over to where June and Lukas are on the beach.

I'm left standing in the parking lot by the car replaying the conversation in my head. I don't know much about Lukas other than what he has told me when we have talked in the past two weeks but I know I would never hurt him. And I'm definitely not going to use the fact that he likes me to my advantage. I wasn't even thinking about that because I know how it feels to have your heart broken. I've had mine broken far too many to string someone along if I knew nothing was going to happen between us. As it is I don't even know what this feeling I have for Lukas is only lust for my new roommate or something else.

Lukas isn't like all the other guys I've dated before but exactly the opposite. He's someone I could see being the perfect match for me if I were to let something happen between us. If being the keyword because we've only known each other for a short period. A lot of things can change once we get to know each other. The problem with that is I don't think I've ever let anyone get so close to know the real me.

I keep myself guarded all the time not wanting people to know me how I know myself. The reason is because from the outside I don't seem so different but I am. Which is why even though I like Lukas I know I shouldn't let anything happen between us. He wouldn't be able to handle everything about me if I ever found the courage to tell him. I'm better off being his friend than anything more than that at the moment. Anyway who knows in time maybe I can tell him my family secret and he'll be able to accept it.