Floating in the Abyss ✔️

Chapter 8

"When I told him that I was pregnant and we would be having twins, he left the house. Not a single word to me, he just stood up and left. I thought he'd be happy. He was over the moon when I told him that I was pregnant with Ryan, so I thought that having twins would mean double the joy. He came back after midnight, into the early hours of the morning, the next day, drunk and high. I was terrified since he'd never done anything like that before. He came into our room, once again without a word, put all his belongings into his suitcases and then left.

"I didn't hear from him the entire time I was pregnant, which was hard since I was solely looking after a young child and was growing twins inside of me. The next time I heard from him was a few weeks after you and Austin turned one. He knocked on the door, and obviously not thinking it was him, I answered. He demanded to see his kids, and was already angry, so I let him in. I didn't let my guard down the entire time, not until he left. You kids had been inside all day, so I took you to the park a little while afterwards. You and Austin were on the little slides, and then Austin ran off to the swing. I raced after him, not wanting him to go on the road, and when I turned around, you were gone. I searched everywhere you could have disappeared to. My sister, Elyse, looked after Ryan and Austin whilst I looked everywhere for you. I was a mess of tears by the time I went to the police station two hours after you went missing.

"The investigation lasted for four years, before the case was essentially put on hold or archived, as by then any outcomes were not likely positive. Many of the investigators and officers told me that it would be a miracle if you were ever found alive, so we held a funeral, in spite of knowing if you were alive or not. Ryan was about 7 at the time and Austin was nearly 5 since it was in September. I cried so hard that day. I didn't sleep properly for weeks. We moved 6 hours away from where we used to live so that I felt safer, instead of living in complete fear that my boys would also be taken from me. Before we moved, I refused to send them anywhere. Not to school, not to the park. Nowhere, unless I had at least two other adults with me. When my health started to drop, from not eating or sleeping well, Elyse moved in with me. She looked after Ryan and Austin whilst she sent me to support group, which is where I met Chris. His wife had fought a long battle of breast cancer which had started after she gave birth to Jonah, her youngest. She had passed away around the time the investigation was called off. We started talking a lot. He helped me cope with my fears and my health, and I helped him with anything I could, and his kids. We were dating until Ryan was 12 and got married just before he turned 13. His boys accepted me like a mother to them, and Chris took in my boys just as if they were his. He knew about you, and he kept looking with me, but after a while we didn't know about anything else we could do." She finished with such regret in her voice, I wanted to comfort her and tell her it wasn't her fault. That if that was me, I would have assumed the same; I was dead.

I stayed sitting looking at her, speechless, until I gently lifted up my arms for her to hug me. I took a deep breath and worked my hardest not to flinch as she embraced me, but she was gentle. It was a motherly hug, the only one I could recall ever. She kissed the top of my head and slowly pulled away. I didn't know what to say, but really there was nothing to say. Not one thing I said would sound right, but she thankfully spoke first.

"Are you reading Little Women?" She asked, a gentle smile resting on her face as her eyes caught the title of the book on my lap.

"Again." I nodded.

"A favourite?" She raised an eyebrow and I nodded. "Mine too. You know there are sequels?"

"There was what?"

"More books. They're called 'Little Men', 'Good Wives' and 'Jo's Boys'."

"What?" My jaw dropped. I can't believe I never knew about it, but once again, the library I went to wasn't great. The copy I had was tattered and torn and was definitely needing of new contact, but the words were there and that was all that mattered to me.

Laura laughed.

"I need to go and get a few things from the shops nearby, and whilst I would love to take you with me, I don't think Nurse Charlotte would let me," She winked.

I let out a little laugh, feeling more comfortable with her as time went on. I was glad she hadn't made me say anything about her explanation.

"I'll be back before you know it. Just get some rest." She kissed my forehead again before walked out the room. I kept replaying what she told me. In a way, it made me more terrified of what I'd been through, if that was even possible, but it also made me trust her even more. I knew I could get to know her and feel safe around her, but my next worry was if I could get the same with Austin and Ryan, as well as Jonah, Nick, and River.

"Where did Laura go?" Asked Nurse Charlotte, coming in to check on me.

"To the shops."

Before Nurse Charlotte could say anymore, the friendly lunch lady came to deliver my food.

"Thankyou." I smiled as she set it down. Smiling felt good.

"You're welcome."

I looked at what I had. Even though I had once read in a book that hospital food was disgusting, I found it to be delicious. The chocolate mousse had become my favourite sweet food, but I also loved the bread rolls and when I got the mini fruit cups.