Promise to Sirius (An Utapri / Uta no Prince-sama Fanfiction)

Chapter 51: Artificial Life

Ai Mikaze

An android cannot dream.

The four-word sentence that he had formerly believed in with a profound, inexplicable sadness towards what he had known for more than 16 years of existence and yet only mattered deeply just recently. That represented one of the multifarious differences between an actual human being and an artificial life who imitated the physical appearance of a human being. Even though he did not say it verbally for anyone to hear, Ai never forgot, let alone could ever forget, the time that he collapsed in the forest while rehearsing with Reiji, Natsuki, Camus and Ranmaru, unable to fathom his own emotions and perspective, deeply anguished by his own shortcomings, and ultimately, overwhelmed by every single iota of it rippling and engulfing him all at once.

But that day, he dreamt in his unconscious state. A bittersweet yet warm dream in a place that could never exist and yet was nevertheless beautiful. According to research, there were numerous instances in which people could only vaguely recall their dreams or even forgot them completely once they had awoken from their sleep, but until this very night, Ai could vividly remember that first dream that he ever had, as strange and unprecedented as it was. That field of lavenders under a gorgeous indigo sky. Him initially alone as he stood there amidst the unfamiliar landscape, only to be found by the four people who ended up being not only his dearest people, but also the four people who gave him countless emotions that he would never have understood without them and showed him that he truly did have a heart. Not a frozen heart, not an imaginary heart, but a heart that while soundless, was warm and earnest and existent. And in that dream, they had all been smiling in earnest, precisely like they did when he finally came to in reality.

It was his first dream. A warm, beautiful first dream. Even when he had perceived it to be impossible for an artificial life such as himself to dream. Then again, if not for himself as a living example, he would never have thought that an android, let alone any other form of technology, could bear a soul, let alone a heart.

However... I am still an android.

The cold recollection of reality rippled inside the hollowness of his mind, clear as it echoed silently inside a colourless sky.

This emotional soul may be genuine just like everyone else's...

And where warm dreams existed...

... but this body will never show signs of age. 

... there existed nightmares as well.

And so will my life in this world... ever close...?

"I... I don't want... to stay here..."

His voice was a weak, faltering whisper as it cracked, only serving to amplify the numbing sadness as snowflakes gently floated down the sky like frozen rain onto a world that was no longer vivid with colour.

"I don't want to live without them... forever..."

Unlike the first dream he had, amidst the brokenness of this particular one, Ai could only silently observe in pure anguish as his dream self dropped to his knees on the snowy meadows with a cold knife pierced through the left side of his artificial chest, its silver surface glinting under the dull morning light, a pair of hands clutching its handle and attempting to push it deeper through the surface, as deep as it took to shut down the soul inside this man-made chamber. In this premise, all of the people whom Ai had grown to earnestly treasure more than anything and anyone had passed away one by one, for their hearts had all stopped beating. Hakise, then Ranmaru, then Reiji, then Natsuki, and then Camus... and years later, even Eli... Just like the snow eventually would, their heartbeats had faded into pure silence, leaving a hollowness that could never be filled regardless of anything.