safety [Kakashi Hatake x OC]

thirty-eight

While Kakashi felt like crying, he wasn't going to. He was humiliating himself enough as it is, but for the first time, he felt like he had someone. Eri was there, and she had been there for over three months. As her freedom extended, she still came home. And she was so real and genuine; he was a naturally skeptical man, but he trusted her more than he cared to admit to himself.

So, as he was visibly breaking down before her after his student - whom he truly, honestly cared for - left Konoha with no intention of returning, he decided to talk to her and confess the troubles of his past.

"Eri, everyone I've ever cared for and loved has always... left." His single dark eye held so much more emotion than the girl had ever seen in him. She didn't ask questions. She listened and was there for him, and that was everything he ever needed. "They all died, and now my student is gone, and surely, at the hands of the Akatsuki that are active, he will die, too."

Eri was watching and listening, becoming sadder and sadder as he told his story, but trying to be strong for him; she was trying to be the safe place that he offered her.

Kakashi first told her that it was just him and his dad who was a renowned shinobi of the Leaf Village. Over the distress of a mission gone wrong, his father took his own life. Leaving him alone in the world at only six years old. The girl was already failing at hiding her own emotion.

He also explained that the man who became his teacher and mentor died in an infamous battle.

Then, he told her about his first mission as a jonin when he was twelve. He confessed, in his words, that he "killed" his beloved teammates. She understood the terrible circumstances of the mission and that he did not "kill" them, but it was clear how much weight he carried from the event.

And now it was Sasuke.

It wasn't just Sasuke; it was that Sasuke leaving was a reminder of everything he lost in the past. Silent tears streamed down Eri's face as she waited for the white-haired man to finish telling her everything he needed to. They were both learning what it felt like to have someone there for each other for the first time, or the first time in a very long while. It was safe, and it reminded them of how lonely they were before the current, never-ending mission.

"I'm scared." Kakashi admitted, barely audibly. Any pride he had was gone, so he let go of anything that kept him from being wholly honest. "You've become an important comrade to me, Eri. And I don't want to lose you." That was his way of saying that he really, really cared about her.

She leaned forward and wrapped her slender arms around his shoulders. She held the back of his head with one hand, entangling her fingers in his thick hair. Her other hand held his back, letting him melt within her hug. "I'm not going anywhere, Kakashi." 

He slowly returned her embrace, then pulled her down as he fell back, laying down on the couch and squeezing her so she could keep her word and physically "not go anywhere," though she had no intention of leaving his side.

He let her soothe him and hold him as he rested his chin above her chest. Although, she was a decent amount shorter than him, so even though she was trying to support him, he was really just holding her like a body pillow. 

After that night, Kakashi knew he loved her. She was someone he'd never let go of, although his understanding of how he "loved" her, was not entirely correct. It was innocent in the moment; filled with compassion, longing, and safety. Eri was his safe space, and it was a space he never had before and would never give up.