Diaries: Colors

How?

......

When I finally came out of my room, I went to the kitchen to find the kids sleep on the couch & a restless Jacob. He was watching tv as he saw me come into the kitchen. He got off the couch slowly & came over to me. He looked at me with sadness all over his face but I had no sympathy for him. He made me lose something precious to me. It should have been precious to him. He helped make the girl/boy. Now I'll never know what my youngest child would have been. He stopped her from becoming the best s/he could be. S/he is gone for good & there's not a thing I could do about it. Looking at him, there was a fire in me eyes as well as in my soul, if I even had one left, concerning him.

"I think we need some serious space," I mumbled.

"No, I think we need to go to--"

"No. I think we need a divorce," I said with venom laced in every word.

"W-Why?" he asked, his voice cracking.

"You took something that I anticipated & loved & I can't take that they're gone, knowing that you were the one who took them from me. I should put hella charges on you but I'm not because I'm still trying to love you. That's it. I'm done. You've crossed my line, Jacob," I spat.

"I made mistakes in the past but the love we have is gonna overcome that," he said, trying to hold my hand.

"Nah. This 'love' isn't gonna cut it anymore. You've cheated on me, abused me in more ways than one, & made me watch our love basically fade away. Now it's all of a sudden back? No, dear. This is over, & the kids belong to me, no matter where I go," I said, walking away from him.

He grabbed my arm tightly & pulled me roughly back to me.

"As if you're leaving me. You may not like how I do things but you're not going to go anywhere. I am your husband until you die, you got that?" he said, his grip tightening.

"Get off of me! You don't own me! What is wrong with you?!" I yelled, trying to jerk my arm away.

"I do own you. Just like I own those kids, too. You are going to be my slave. Sex slave," he said in a spine-chilling tone.

You know how some women get turned on when their husbands put them in line? Well, I'm one of those women right now. As scary as it sounds, I haven't had any from him in a while. This'll be my ticket to get some the way I've wanted for a while. Rough. Even though, we're still getting that divorce, one last time won't hurt.

.......

How could I be so wrong? It was pleasurable the last 2 times but now, I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm going to explode everywhere. He keeps thrusting into me like he didn't just bust 2 minutes ago. Is he trying to diminish my walls? I scream, taking in all of the sensation. I try to push him away but he just goes deeper. It's so pleasurable that it's painful. Tears stream out of eyes like faucets. I promise myself if I can walk, I'll be sprinting to the bathroom, locking the door until he leaves. Eventually, he stops & I feel relief rush through my whole body. I take baby steps to the bathroom because it hurt to walk. When I got there, I locked the door like I promised myself & looked at myself in the mirror. I got exactly want I wanted but I feel like the love was gone. It was just a fxck. His rage scared me but never to this extent. It was weird in a bad way, & I didn't like it one bit. Well, that was the last time for him. I hope he enjoyed it. I want to go & reclaim my rightful spot as the head person in this house. Putting him out would be step one. But first, how do I face him?

Just a quick filler. I think this book is gonna be long as hell. I tried to limit myself to just 20 chapters so people wouldn't get bored but it's damn near 40 so yeah. Lol. Please get this to 1K. I really want this & I'd appreciate it. Plus it's been at 921 for the past 2/3 days. It's pissing me off. But I'm still grateful for everything. Thank you all because I thought no one would read my stuff but as you can see, (*👀 looks around 👀*) that's not so. Toopretty99 & iimichaa, I finally updated. Much love, deuces✌️❤️.

_Zee❤️💛💚💙💜